Here’s a brief summary of the story;

         I don’t dwell long on my childhood. In my high school years I got good grades, yet I was using psychedelic drugs quite heavily. I wasn’t sure of what I wanted to do with my life after high school, so I dropped out of college in order to find myself. I was a heavy metal music fan and I grew my hair long and even started cross- dressing just for fun. Before long, I met the love of my life, a beautiful blond haired spitfire. We made love in the backseat of her hot rod many times. I wasn’t very good at earning money though, and so I ended up living in vehicles much of the time. It wasn’t much fun but it sure was adventurous.

        When I was twenty, I decided I wanted to become a writer and I began writing poems based on early American history. At about the same time, I began working at a local library and I started reading up on our government’s policies during the Vietnam War era. I was shocked and outraged by many of the controversial decisions made by the Nixon administration, most notably our support for the tyrant Ferdinand
Marcos and our overthrow of the freely- elected Allende in Chile.

          Closer to home, during the 1980’s, I was vehemently opposed to the Reagan Administration’s policies in El Salvador and Nicaragua, yet at the same time I was very supportive of the fine job which the U.S. and our allies in N.A.T.O. were doing in defending western Europe against the Soviet threat. The way in which I attempted to reconcile this apparent contradiction was by raising a militia. I attempted to find like- minded individuals who could be trained as soldiers. We would then march off to Europe in the hopes of joining N.A.T.O., thereby making a powerful political statement.

          Though the militia would have been segregated, enlistment would have been open to stoners, hippies, head-bangers, bikers, queers, women,
racial minorities, as well as anyone else who felt marginalized by 1980’s
society.

           Unfortunately, when I shared my ideas with other members of my generation, I was mostly ignored or even ridiculed. As a result I became ever more bitter and hateful.

When I was only two years old
My family went on a vacation
To Yellowstone National Park

That’s where I uttered my first word-“bear”

I have an image in my mind,
Where, surrounded by pine trees,
I’m looking down towards a lake

This is the first image I can recall from my childhood
And yet it’s a haunting one

There’s nothing definitive about it,
It’s not like there’s a demon in the picture
But the woods were quite spooky
And it seems as though there were
Malevolent spiritual forces there

It’s just scary that at such an early age
The forces of evil were already influencing me

The woods would always have an influence upon my soul
Or I should say the spirits that were out there

When I was twelve or thereabouts
I went on a Boy Scout camping trip
To the Desolation Wilderness

The first day was brutal,
We were loaded down with heavy packs
And it was all uphill
But when we finally reached the summit
We were greeted with a spectacular vista
Of endless pine trees stretching to a snow-capped peak

Just then a demon appeared to me
And with a wave of his hand, he said
“All this that you see,
this is all my realm”
I’ll have to admit that I was quite impressed

Left to my own devices
And without a moral compass
I was unsure of what was good
And what was evil

In later years,
Heavily influenced by psychedelic drugs
I’d dance around while wearing a deer’s head
Doing the wild thing in the deep of the woods

The pivotal moment for me though,
Came in November of 1986

Though I hailed from a posh suburb
I was trying to enjoy a hippie lifestyle

Society wasn’t too fond of that
And there were many conflicts
So much so that I started wearing
A sheathed knife on my belt

Anyhow, I woke up one morning
In my brother’s station wagon where I’d been sleeping
And since it was a hot summer day
I wore nothing but some cut-off shorts
And of course my knife

I was supposed to meet my girlfriend
In front of the cathedral
Where I had been an alter boy
But she was running late

So there I was,
A bearded, long-haired dude
Hanging out near St Catherine’s
While the people filed into church

For a long time I had wanted
To revisit the church of my youth
For nostalgic purposes at least
But I had always been scared away
Figuring that I wasn’t respectable enough

But on that fateful day,
The attitudes of some of the parishioners
As they filed past me
Was too much for me to bear

Didn’t these people pray to a God
Who taught not to judge by physical appearances?

When I had had enough, I said the heck with it
And went inside

Near the end of the service,
After everyone else had already filed past
I walked down the aisle headed for the priest
And my holy communion

This was my first mistake
I wasn’t even a Christian
To me, Jesus had been a laid-back guy
Who preached non-violence
A far cry from an all-powerful God
Who had created the entire universe

There was nothing humble about me
As I strode down the aisle
I was arrogant and cocky
Although in my defense,
At that time in my life
I practically had to be in order to survive

The priest was furious
“You can’t come in here looking like that”

“I think I look like the guy on the wall behind you” I replied

As the argument went on and on
The innocent looking altar boy
Kept looking back and forth at us
Unsure of who it was that he should believe

Finally, just to get me on my way
The priest gave me the communion wafer

Then, as I exited the church,
Jesus Christ appeared to me

Now, at that time in my life
I was sure that my days were numbered
And that I would soon die in the gutter
A victim of violence

Jesus Christ asked me
“Would you be willing to go peacefully like I did”

As I said before,
I didn’t know that he was all-powerful
And that he would be with me
Every step of the way
And that perhaps my death would serve a purpose
So naturally I replied “No way”
And just like that he disappeared
And the whole experience was wiped from my memory

For precisely seven years afterwards
My soul went through a downward spiral,
Every sin which I committed
Causing me to be brought down further
My life becoming more empty and evil

Then, in November of ‘93
I had a dream in which I saw the Lord enthroned
Upon Half Dome

                                  THE  CONFESSIONS

                           AND APOCALPTIC VISIONS
   
                         OF AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF
     
                                  FROM SAN MATEO

                        Copyright 2004 by Johnny Blade
 

I won’t bore you
By dwelling long on my childhood
There isn’t much to say

I grew up about twenty miles south of San Francisco
Right where Burlingame, San Mateo and Hillsborough all meet

I was raised by loving parents
In a house so big
It could have been called a castle

It was so full of books
It could also have been called
A small library

My mother always made sure
That there was plenty to read

My favorites were the history books

I loved reading about Alexander the Great,
Ferdinand Magellan, Marco Polo
As well as the other explorers
Their adventures appeared larger than life

There were creeks near my house
Which were fun to explore
I’d pretend that I was living two hundred years ago in the past
And that I was viewing this land for the first time
When all that existed on the peninsula
Was nature
With only a scattering of natives

I had an adventurous early childhood
Life was fun when there were plenty of kids to play tag
Or hide and seek with

Unfortunately, those days ended far too quickly

Part of my problem was that I was going to the wrong school
Many of the kids at St Catherine’s, where I  was enrolled
Were in too much of a hurry to grow up

Far too soon in life
They decided that playing children’s games was ‘kid’s stuff’
And that they were too grown up for it

Many of these youngsters
Had ultra-strict parents
Who expected their children
To behave in a manner
That befitted young adults
Of their upscale social class

The bottom line
Is that many of these kids
Became quite boring
And as a result,
I became something of a loner

Then I met Bob,
He was always full of wisecracks

The catholic school I went to
Was rather tame
And I don’t have any horror stories
But if it had been stricter
Bobby no doubt would have been
One of the ones getting it with the ruler
-And probably deservedly so

I shared my first beer with Bobby
And I was with him
When I ran across my first playboys

We’d been exploring around in the basement
When we came across someone’s  stash.
I was sheltered and didn’t know a thing about sex
But my friend Bob filled me in
On all the details

I guess you could say he corrupted me
Telling me all about ‘Farrah’s faucet’
And the disgrace to which Linda Lovelace leant her face

But in my pre-pubescence
Sex wasn’t hardly as tempting
As fantasizing about war was

I just couldn’t get enough of it;  
Playing with army men,
Watching John Wayne movies,
Imagining the thrill of combat;
It’s pretty sad, but fantasizing about war
Was one of the only cures for my boredom

Life improved when I switched to a different school
The crowd at McKinley  was more lively

There was Buddy, and Doug, and Jamie
Who would eventually rule Washington Park

And there was Shawn, who, on Halloween
Would dress up like Ace Freeley from the band ‘Kiss’

In short,
Though this crowd was a bit rougher
They were definitely more rock and roll

Of course, no history of my childhood would be complete
Without a mention of Boy Scouts

Cub Scouts and Webelos had been fun experiences
But they paled in comparison with the real thing

Troop 10 tried to recruit me first
They showed me an interesting film
Which some of their scouts had made
Which included a really cool scene
Of a guy getting chased while he’s on a bicycle

He’s atop one of the cliffs at Coyote Point
And in the next scene, he’s supposedly dead
After falling sixty feet or so

I was impressed, but the troop seemed too militaristic to me
And I chose to join Troop 28 instead

It turned out to be a good choice
Even though the first campout was a nightmare
The older boys were absolutely merciless to us newcomers
On that Santa Rosa trip

They were strait up pelting us with rocks.
I’m not sure whether or not
Some of these boys got kicked out or not,
But fortunately there was a changing of the guard
And most of these bullies were soon gone

On another trip, we were on our way to Big Basin
When one of the vehicles overheated.
Fortunately it didn’t conk out until the gas station at Sky Londa
Across from Alice’s Restaurant

Naturally we got pretty bored
While we were waiting around for the car’s engine to cool down

That’s when somebody got the bright idea
To make off with a tire and roll it down the hill

As if that wasn’t bad enough,
Nobody had bothered to scout ahead
And so we didn’t know that the tire was headed strait for the highway
As it was winding it’s way up the mountain

Sure enough, as it flew off the embankment,
It landed strait on the hood of a car

Even though we were running uphill,
I’m sure we set some speed records as we fled that scene

That trip was a three day backpacking excursion.
The first day was pretty hard, mostly uphill
But the last day became a race for the ocean

Coincidently, on the very day we reached the beach
We passed right by the authorities who were unearthing the body
Of the latest of the trailside stranglers victims
One of the crimes for which David Carpenter is now serving a life sentence

Once a year, a jamboree was held at Huddard Park above Woodside.
It was an event in which the different troops competed against each other
In such skills as rope tying, plant identification, first aid and so on

It sure was a lot of fun
It was quite an experience to camp under the redwoods
Even as a kid, I could sense that they had an intelligence
Which, though different than our own, was nevertheless impressive

We also went to Camp Cutter in the Santa Cruz mountains

There was one boy there who was from another troop
Who needed medication or else he’d go into spastic fits.
I guess he had skipped his dose one day
Because he was thrashing about like a wild animal

Three boys from his troop were trying to restrain him, but without any success.
It was like he was on PCP and had superhuman strength

The camp was a lot of fun in spite of that frightening episode

There were canoes which you could take out onto the lake.
I made the mistake of taking one out with Bobby though
And the darned fool stood up
And started rocking the canoe back and forth

I tried to warn him to knock it off, but he wouldn’t listen
And in no time he ended up capsizing us
Fortunately at least we were in shallow water when it happened

Camp Cutter had a nice-sized pool
But somebody came up with the idea
That we should all go skinny dipping

Now skinny dipping can be fun
But not when you’re an insecure kid who feels forced into it

It kinda ruined what should have been a nice dip in the pool

By far the best trip we went on though,
Was a week-long backpacking adventure in Desolation Wilderness

I already mentioned the first day,
Of how it was a brutal uphill climb
And of how a demon appeared to tempt me

The rest of the trip was far easier.
I had time to climb three separate mountains
With Mike, who was quite a daredevil

This was not long after the movie “Jaws” first came out
And some of the boys were too terrified
Even to swim in the fresh water lakes

There was this other movie called “Prophecy”
About a deformed, mutant, mercury poisoned creature
Mauling people in the woods

Though it was cheesy, it had scared me speechless back then.
Needless to say I huddled close to the campfires
Terrified of the woods at night

We had a view of Lake Tahoe as we crossed the divide
But poor Eric barely made it out
Suffering as he was from altitude sickness

It was so bad, the Scout Masters were afraid
They’d have to call for a helicopter

The irony was that he was by far
The biggest and the strongest of the scouts.
Not at a high altitude though

Getting back to my schooling,
Burlingame intermediate was also a fun experience.
For the first time, we’d have a different teacher for every subject
So if you didn’t like your teacher
You’d only have to put up with them for fifty minutes

Most of my teachers were very good, however,
I especially liked my science teacher
Though shamefully, I can’t recall his name

A most disturbing phenomenon occurred here, however;
Instead of playing during lunch and recess, as in past years,
Most of the kids would just stand around talking

I wasn’t keen on socializing.
The truth is, at my young age
I didn’t have much to say

I preferred to play football with the nerds instead

I have to give credit to Tom,
He had a couple of older brothers and was pretty hip
He was the one who inspired me to go to the school dances

Mostly I  just stood around
Too shy to ask anyone to dance
I had had a crush on the Smith sisters,
But then who didn’t- they were gorgeous
But not very approachable

I finally summoned up the courage
And asked Maria Escramelia for a dance.
To my delight, she seemed pleased to have been asked
And we shared a slow, romantic waltz
To the tune of  “put your head on my shoulders”

Unfortunately, not much else came of it
And she never even signed my yearbook

Like I mentioned earlier, I was really into football.
The late seventies was a golden age for the NFL

Although the dreaded Steelers would win their Super Bowls
They were epic, hard-fought battles

Roger Staubach appeared heroic
The way he led his underdog Cowboys
Almost to the brink of victory

The Rams also gave the Steelers one hell of a dogfight

Inspired by such dramatic contests,
I began dreaming of football stardom myself.
I viewed it as a ticket out of my mediocre existence.
I wanted to soar like Lynn Swann,
Glide through the line like Marcus Allen

Not exactly realistic dreams-
Considering that I was a ninety pound weakling  with only average speed
But for years I was fed on such fantasies

I began lifting weights and I ran every morning
I even ponied up some money
And flew down to a football camp in Los Angeles

It was a great experience, but it wasn’t easy
We had four practices a day, two of them in pads

I had the pleasure of playing Pop Warner with Greg Jeffries
Another Serra high school star who would go on to play pro baseball

He was the quarterback,
His dad was the coach
And their San Bruno Rams team
Won their games by an average
Of over forty points each

Unfortunately I left the team
So that I could play high school ball
Where I hardly got on the field at all
Due to my small size

One of the saddest moments of my young life
Occurred in my sophomore year
When the coach told me that I wouldn’t be able to play;
That he didn’t want to take the chance of my getting hurt
Playing with the big boys

It broke my heart
But at least I had a remedy
Which nullified the pain

Marijuana

After I left the team
And gave up on my football dreams
I delved deeply into drugs

We smoked weed from Thailand
Which was so strong
I’m not sure it wasn’t opiated

The KGB(Killer Green Bud) we smoked
Was every bit as strong
As what’s going around today

The only difference being that back then,
It sold at one third the price that it goes for now

I soon forgot about my dreams of football stardom
And embarked on many new adventures instead

We’d smoke out by the golf course
Or venture up to Crocker Lake
Where there’d be miles of trails through the wilderness

All of Hillsborough seemed to be a forest waiting to be explored

Crocker School, Spencer Lake, Strawberry Hill;
We explored it all on psychedelics
Taking plenty of mushrooms and many tablets of mescaline along the way

We’d get high and hang out at the golf course
Where it appeared the roots of the Eucalyptus trees
Were grasping onto the earth with all their might
So that they wouldn’t fly off into space

Once we were almost busted as a lady golfer began scolding us
“you can’t be up here. You don’t belong.”

In spite of the seriousness of the situation
We could only laugh at her angry face as it melted
We were so high

Another time I was so stoned
It felt as though my head was an empty vacuum
And that all the air in the room was rushing into it at a top speed

I thought I had gone blind
Because my eyelids were closed
And I hadn’t the strength to open them

It seemed as if my friend just magically appeared
Whenever he came and went from the room

It wasn’t even top-notch weed that we had smoked
It was just a matter of us having smoked so much of it

Besides the psychedelic drugs
We were also influenced by some of the music from the sixties and seventies

Jimi Hendrix, Yes, Rush and Black Sabbath
Were among our favorite bands

I was blown away when I went to my first concert
Which was an Ozzy Ozbourne show at the Oakland Coliseum

I was a little intimidated by the crowd
Because I had never before seen so many cool looking people

Even though I was wearing a radical “Diary of a Madman” t-shirt
I felt nerdish with my short hair

The concert was held not long after Randy Rhoads had died
But amazingly, Brad Gillis did a decent job of filling in

The music was superb,
And the laser show fantastic
But it was the supernatural element of the show
Which was most profound

When the lights were dimmed
And the haunting chorus began,
And the pinpoints of laser lights
Grew to be bats flying towards me

And a bunch of fools near us lit a cross on fire
Nearly burning themselves in the process
I was experiencing the opening of  a porthole
Into a darker world

The lights came on briefly,
Revealing an empty throne
Then went off again

Next, the stage opened up
And out came Ozzy
As a laser cannonball shot out behind him

I missed a lot of good concerts in the early eighties
(Journey, Rainbow, Blue Oyster Cult, and Judas Priest and Foreigner
were all touring at the time),
But I didn’t miss all of them

Ozzy’s show was no doubt one of the best
What’s more- the price of admission was only $10!!
Later that year I saw Iron Maiden with the Scorpions for only 12!!
My have times changed!!

I also saw Yes and Rush in 1984
But I’m still kicking myself for all the good shows I missed
The Rolling Stones and The Who in 1982,
And Black Sabbath with Ronnie James Dio at the helm

We experienced a lot of good highs
But without a doubt some of them were wasted

I had landed a job at Marine World, back when it was in Foster City
Working the arcade games where people would try to win prizes

Like a fool I’d get stoned before work
Which only slowed down the clock and made the hours drag by

Once when we had taken mescaline, my buddy Mitch’s parents were gone
Leaving us free to jump off the roof into the swimming pool

It was one of the most fun things I had ever done
But then Mitch had to ruin it by dragging us all to the bike shop
So that he could run an errand

But the biggest waste of all were the afternoons we’d spend
Vegetating in front of the MTV

We’d keep hoping and praying that the next video
Would be from Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, or the Scorpions
But inevitably it’d be another Madonna or Huey Lewis fiasco

The bottom line
Is that we smoked and dosed a bit too much
And our bodies developed a tolerance

As far as peer pressure was concerned
There was plenty of it

Many of the strait kids saw nothing wrong
With driving to keggar parties
And then driving away drunk

Meanwhile, me and my buddies would get stoned
And ride our bicycles.
Now tell me- who was it that was living dangerously?

My poor mother believed the anti-drug hysteria espoused by Nancy Reagan
And would chase me around in her blue Caprice

But she couldn’t stop me from something I loved,
Something which was a part of my life

When she grounded me
I simply ran away from home

As far as Mrs. Reagan was concerned;
She might have cried a bucketful of tears for “her children”
But me and my buddies weren’t her kids
She seemed like the type of Hillsborough b*tch
Who would have only sneered at us for not being upscale enough

I’m not sure what the long-term effects were
Of the drugs which I was taking
But in the short-term
They sure didn’t affect my schooling

In my junior year of high school
I pulled down not just a strait A average
But even better- a 4.07 gpa

The problem was that by taking advanced courses
I found myself immersed in classes
Which abounded with strait kids

They made school miserable for me
Transforming high school into hell school

I was labeled a stoner
And quickly became an outcast
And the butt of many jokes

I can’t count the number of times
I was hit on the back of the head with spitwads
Or was tripped up as I walked down the hallway.

Once an a-hole even peeled out on me
Splattering me with mud

At least I was able to escape during lunchtime
Out to the grass fields
Where the other stoners hung out

We’d smoke out every single day
And why not?
I had history right after lunch
And I had to be stoned for that class,
It was my favorite

American history is so dynamic.
It’s really incredible,
All the changes which have occurred here
In such a relatively short amount of time

I especially liked learning about the American Revolution.
Eventually I wrote an epic poem
Which I hoped would capture
Some of the drama of that struggle;

           
 1776

All was chaos and great loss
No orderly retreat was this
But the worst sort of rout

Officers shouting, pleading
Attempting to restore order,
Were quite literally run over

This was nothing less than a stampede
Not even the wide stream up ahead
Could impede the frenzied mob
Which plunged headlong
Into the frigid water

Rifles were held aloft by some,
But discarded shamefully by others

Men who tripped were soon smothered
Under the trampling, frantic feet

The wretched stench of defeat
Did more than merely linger,
Penetrating to my very core

As I paused above a rocky outcrop
Already I could see
The drifting of not yet bloated bodies
As they journeyed out to sea

The muddied stream wore a shade of crimson
And scattered about it’s shore
Were heaps of flesh
Which till recently had been human

The entire scene did reek of ruin
Yet what most dismayed my sight
Were the scattered packs and discarded muskets
Where had gone the spirit of our fight?

Was it only just a dream
Or had we not indeed defied
At least for a short time
The might of a far off king?

Only this morning we had stood united,
Side by side,
Our battle lines as stern and rigid
As our resolve

We had faced horrendous odds
The greatest force Great Britain had ever sent abroad

All throughout early august
Their ships were dropping anchor
Till at last their bare masts
So filled up the harbor
They resembled an entire forest
Of trimmed pine trees
And every man of war
Was a floating battery

Through their telescopic sights
Our officers were doubtless sent a shudder
By the mere numbers of disembarking troops

It appeared Staten Island would surely sink
Beneath it’s weight, they were so many

No doubt the teeming slums of London
Had been all but striped bare
Of able bodied, yet idle men
Ole King George had found a use for them

Rumor was, he’d even gone and hired Hessians
Mercenaries all the way from Germany!!
Such a crime could scarcely be believed
Yet how else could we account
For such a force upon our shores

We had thought ourselves blessed
Back when we had severed our ties
That the might of an ocean
Between us and England did lie

Yet they had weathered the Atlantic
With the most impressive army
Ever to set foot upon the continent

To and fro, each and every day
Did their splendid regiments parade
Displaying, for all of us to see
Their clear superiority

They wheeled about
With a precision
Which could only be weaned
Through endless drill
And the harshest forms of discipline

Why our enemy
Appeared more akin to machines than men!!

All throughout the summer
We had waited for them
With ten thousand souls
Here on Long Island’s soil
A similar number
Just across the East River in Manhattan
Where with our shovels and spades
We’d transformed New York
Into a city bristling with barricades

We were in dire need of such entrenchments
For besides cannon captured earlier in the war
We were armed only
With the wide variety of weapons
Which the men had brought with them

Brown Besses, Blunderbusses, Fowling pieces
And even an occasional rifle
Which, with it’s grooved barrel
Was capable of sending a bullet
A full two hundred yards accurately

With our musketry of such a wide variety
Our quartermasters faced a difficult chore
In keeping us supplied with ammunition

Fortunately our good citizens were all too eager
To donate items which could be melted down

The statue of King George upon his horse
Would alone provide sixteen-thousand rounds

An even more pressing problem
Than that of our weapons
Concerned the quality of the men

We hailed from every colony except Canada
Fathers straggling in with their sons
Or whole towns coming out in unison

A Virginian, George Washington,
Only nominally held command
For we were sorely untrained, ill supplied
And mostly only recently arrived
Our numbers always fluctuating
For men were free to leave at their own discretion

Farmers mostly, they’d drift in from the countryside
Only to vanish again come harvest time

Could these men, as yet untrained
Be counted upon to stand their ground
Once the battle was joined?

Or would their self-preserving instincts
Prove to be unmastered?
Were we headed for a disaster?

In and about the campfires
There were braggarts, full of bluster
Yet these men hadn’t yet seen battle
Would they still be so brave
When facing bayonets?

Certainly today they had failed their test
Though it must be said in the men’s defense
The British had struck where they were least expected

Though our front line was well protected,
Strung out though it was
Along the long stretch
Of Long Island’s heights

General Howe took us by surprise
Sending his men on a long flanking march this morning   
Over an unguarded ford
And through an empty wood

Our extreme left flank was struck suddenly
And with all our guns facing the wrong way

It’s only to be expected then
That our raw troops became confused and panicked

Yet why were there no pickets?

Yet whoever is to blame
The truth remains
That we are no longer an army,
But instead a rabble
Being driven forward like a herd of cattle
And this after our first battle!!

Shamefully I could only wade the stream
With the rest of the stragglers
After all, it was a far better cry
Than being captured
Yet, though I was forced to swallow my pride,
I deeply seethed inside

Closing my eyes,
I softly cried
For assuredly on this most accursed day
Had our most glorious cause died

Our retreat was most discouraging
And we no doubt made a most pathetic sight
Yet we were safe once we reached the Brooklyn Heights

There we were joined by reserves
Who were well entrenched and rested

There was a brief moment of apprehension
When the redcoats
Reformed, and marching in cadence
Greatly shortened the distance
Between themselves and us

But alas,
It proved not a real thrust
But merely a feign,
A showy display

They then wheeled smartly about
And left us the day

Their coup de grace
Would apparently wait until entrenchments,
Creeping steadily closer
Would enable their artillery
To be brought fearlessly into range

We’d then be blown to bits
And our cause along with it

Sir William Howe had decided
Upon a most conservative plan of attack
Yet with the East River at our backs
We were still hopelessly trapped
Upon a most tiny strip of land

Clearly we now face annihilation

And yet how ironic
That it’s been just a mere two months
Since that most festive day
When our declaration
Was first ratified by the delegates

Jefferson’s emboldened statement
Concerning the rights of men
So eloquently put to the pen

Church bells peeled
Raucous crowds cheering
In all the town squares

Despite the sweltering heat
The streets were wild and alive
With hopes and dreams

Yet did we really believe
That we could somehow break free
From that wicked tyrant across the sea?

The naysayers were all too quick to point out
Just how heavily the odds were stacked
In his Majesty’s favor

Foolishly, we simply brushed them off as traitors

Yet here we are
Just a mere two months later
Heavily outnumbered
And with our backs to the river
Waiting for a sledgehammer blow to be delivered

We have but one small comfort;
To our credit
Though we hail from separate colonies
We shall surely hang together
Our common cause indeed has brought us closer

Mostly our men are from Jersey,
New York or New England
Yet I’ve met many a Virginian

Strange men, these southerners
Yet they’ve traveled so far
And are quite brave

Initially, we shared diseases
More than pleasantries
Yet that’s begun to change

Our shared dream of freedom,
Alike experiences and sufferings
Have served to ease tensions
Between the men

Perhaps one day
We indeed might have become
A nation united

Governed by ourselves
And not the petty whims
And harsh decrees
Of a far off king

 Ahh, to dream of what might have been!!

As it stands,
I can no longer imagine
Such happenings

Although I keep my lips pursed,
Lest be denounced as defeatist,
Or worse yet a traitor
Still I pray that our leaders
Do seriously consider
The King’s olive branch petition

It may indeed be our last hope
For reconciliation

With shame and great sorrow
I eyed our proud banner
Whipping about fiercely in the breeze

White, red and blue
Her colors flew
Just like the Union Jack

But with horizontal bars
And a circle of thirteen stars
One for every colony but Canada
Which chose to side with the mother country

My, she was pretty
Yet though resplendent,
She was as yet untested
And so very recently sown

Why, our entire nation
Was not yet two months old!!

Such a shame
That so very soon
She may be driven down
For the last time

I closed my eyes and cried
For surely on this most accursed day
Had our most glorious cause died

With our entrenchments already dug
There was little else to distract me
From increasingly somber thoughts
My heart sinking ever further into despair

Damn the congress for their having demanded
That New York had to be defended

The city was astir with tories
Who would only be too happy
To welcome a British presence

But worse yet
It rested on the southern tip of an island
Which was adrift in a British sea

I mentioned before just how numerous
Were the ships of the enemy
Which could so easily sail
Up either the East or the Hudson rivers

We had submerged a few rusting hulks
And had laid steel cables
Yet to no avail
Our enemy still ruled the waterways

That is until a thick fog
Descended fortuitously

Washington, without hesitation
Issued orders for a evacuation

Campfires were kept lit
Though they were manned thinly
As our entire army
Throughout a long and restless night
Was ferried to the relative safety
Of Manhattan’s shore

In later years
I would learn just how precipitous
Was our dire predicament
On that nervous, near endless night

Apparently,
While we were busy straining
Against the broad river
A tory woman, loyal to the crown
Had sent one of her slaves
To deliver the alarming news
Of our attempted escape

Had he not stumbled across Hessians
Who understood not what he was saying
Our enterprise would have been quite literally sunk

Instead we were able to steal away
Perhaps to fight another day?

As I boarded one of the last boats
Just an hour before the revealing light of dawn ascended
I was awarded the most amazing sight
Of our commander in chief
Large in stature as well as measure
As he directed our rearguard
From astride his white horse
Washington was one of the very last to leave

Though we had been granted a reprieve
We were still in a bind
At the southern tip of Manhattan

Clearly New York would have to be abandoned
Yet still we dallied
As if we were capable of defending her

When we finally began to withdraw to the north
It was very nearly too late

Grenadiers stormed ashore at Kip’s Bay
A point midway up the island

The mere sight of the bright sun
Glinting so fiercely off their bayonets
Was more than enough to knot our bellies
And turn the supposed backbone
Of our shoreline
 to so much jelly

Washington, who was at the scene  exclaimed
‘Are these the men
 with whom we are to defend America!!’

Incredulous,
He lashed out with his riding crop
At the men rushing past him
Yet to no avail
They still turned tail

Thoroughly dispirited,
He hung his head
Slouching in the saddle

The redcoats were already within musket range
When he was saved by a quick-thinking aide
Who pulled hard on his horses’ reins
To spirit the animal away

Had the redcoats marched swiftly
They could have then cut off our rearguard-
Henry Knox bringing up the artillery

Instead,
In the woods which would one day form Central Park
They shamefully stopped for tea!!
Only thus were four thousand men
And all our cannon spared

British laziness
(Or was it overconfidence?)
Had cost them yet another chance
To trap us near the sea

Yet no war has ever been won
Merely through great escapes

Our retreat, however miraculous,
Still reeked of defeat to the men
Who by now were most discouraged

Surprising it was then,
That we found our courage
At Harlem Heights
Where a skirmish was fed
Until it became a stiff fight
The queens own Black Watch
Was sent reeling in flight

Though it was but a small victory
It was one savored by the men
Who had little else to cheer

We’d built a pair of forts,
Washington and Lee,
To guard the Hudson
But the British defied their guns
And sailed at will
Up and down the river

Fort Washington,
In upper manhattan
Should thus have been abandoned
Yet into it’s inadequate defenses
We poured twenty-four hundred men
And far too many of our precious cannon

Some filthy Tory spy
Must have supplied Lord Howe
With the blueprints for it’s defenses
For his attack, when it came, was well planned

Simultaneous amphibious operations
Were launched against her north, east and southern sides

Many a mercenary german died
Assaulting the southern slope
For it was very steep

But our men couldn’t keep up their murderous fire
As their rifles soon were clogged
They’d been designed for hunting, not combat
And soon their barrels were too hot

The redcoats had an easier time
Though still over a hundred and fifty of them died

Yet with fifteen thousand of the enemy
Taking part in the assault
The end result was inevitable

As the enemy closed in,
Our men crowded together like cows
In a slaughtering pen,
Had no option but surrender
And thus were our comrades
Forced to stack their arms

The Germans,
Who had suffered greatly during the assault
Unleashed their anger on the prisoners

Many of them were stripped half-bare
And this in the frigid cold of late November

The poor souls were marched ignominiously
Back to New York
Where churches or the rotting hulks of ships
Would house them

That’s as far as I got with this epic poem
But I can tell you how the story ends;

Washington and his men were chased
All the way across New Jersey
By Lord Cornwallis

Unlike General Howe, who moved slowly,
Continually allowing the Americans to escape
Lord Cornwallis, just like General Patton two centuries later
Believed in crushing the enemy swiftly

It was, therefore, a very desperate chase
And a very near thing
But Washington and his men were safe
Once  they crossed the Delaware River

Still, they were in a bad way;
Morale, already low,
Plummeted with the onslaught of winter
And many enlistments were due to expire at the end of the year

Even worse, Washington was being undermined
By Major Charles Lee
The second in command
Of the Continental Army

Figuring the war was all but won,
The British and their German allies
Settled down in their New Jersey garrisons

It was on Christmas eve
When Washington recrossed  the Delaware
And attacked Trenton,
Taking a thousand prisoners and the town
At the loss of only four men

Although the war would drag on
For another seven years,
It was this turn of events
Which gave the revolutionaries
The hope which sustained them
Through the difficult times ahead

Anyhow, I think you can see why it was
That history was my favorite class

I find it sad that so few people
Who call themselves Americans
Even know how it was that their country was founded

Needless to say I aced my history class
Scoring 197 out of a possible 200
On the final

All of my junior year was a breeze
Except for the flack
Which some of the strait kids gave me
                                                                                                                   Eventually though, the party had to end

I had smoked so much weed over the previous year and a half
That I had developed a tolerance to it

Even if we smoked the best buds
We’d get burnt out
More than we’d get stoned

It was time to take a break from getting high

As a senior I had to get serious about college
And what I planned on taking as a major

My Physics teacher inspired me
To look into civil engineering.
That’s what I took when I first enrolled
At the College of San Mateo

Chemistry was actually fun
Because the teacher was very good
But my Calculus teacher was an incredible bore
As was the subject he taught

It was all too soon that I began having doubts
About my career choice

Most of the bridges and dams
Which needed to be built
Had already been erected

What would I be doing if I graduated? Earthquake retrofit work?
BORING!!

The truth is, I was unsatisfied with my life in general
Largely because I had no love life

Here I was, now eighteen years old
And had never so much as kissed a girl
Or gone on a date

It was extremely frustrating.
The closest I had come
To having sex with a real lady
Was masturbating with my playboys

I still remember the first ones in my collection.
A friend of mine sold me three issues for only five bucks

I couldn’t believe he was willing to part with them
I’m telling you, these women were gorgeous

What could beat the spectacle
Of a scantily clad Candy Loving
Sliding down a pole
Or going for a swim
At the playboy mansion?

Penthouse came next
And it was even racier

Do you remember Dorothy Stratten
The playboy model who was tragically murdered
By her jealous boyfriend?

Though I’m ashamed, I have to admit
That I fantasized f**king her
Even after I knew that she had been murdered

Though I couldn’t have known it at the time
There was a Lord God above
Who was much displeased

Another time I was with some of my buddies
When we came across a playboy
Which featured Shannon Tweed
The lady who was in the movie ‘hot dog’
And who eventually happily “un- married” Gene Simmons
From the band “KISS”

So strong was my desire
To snag the mag and make like a stag
It was even bestial
A demon entering inside
A demon driven by desire

Every month, with every new issue,
I had a new fantasy f*ck

While there’s no denying that it felt good
The shameful thing was
That I was never alone in my room
I never was-
There was always God above
Not to mention all his angels-
And demons
And my shame was out in the open
For all to see

Undoubtedly masturbation
Only led me to be more insecure

Fortunately though, I had a couple of solid buddies
With whom I could drown away my sorrows

I had been working at the old Woolworths
On Burlingame Avenue
But since my friends were unemployed,
The beer runs quickly ate into my paychecks

Still it was worth it-
I had some grand times with Marty and Alan;
Sneaking into the high school football games,
And drinking atop the fox mall outcroppings
As we gazed down upon the avenue

Of course, I’ll never forget the other time
When I was headed to Half Moon Bay  with a couple of friends

Highway 92 was really clogged up,
It was bumper to bumper
But I could see Marty and my brother far up ahead
So I got out and jogged up to their car

Boy were they surprised when I suddenly hopped into their back seat

I believe we ended up going to San Gregorio
With it’s awesome, yet haunting cave

It turned out not to be the greatest trip to the coast
But at least we tried

We started driving to kegger parties though
And it was very nearly a tragic mistake

I remember once Matt was puking violently before he piled into the car
-And he was the driver!!

We were going 70 mph
As we cascaded down Ralston
But Matt couldn’t quite handle the veer in the road
Directly across from Crocker School
And we hit a telephone pole
His car doing a 180 on the spot

If we had hit the pole just a tad in the other direction
We’d have both smashed through the windshield

We nearly crashed another time
On the very same street

It was Erik and John
Who had the brilliant idea
Of driving all the way down to Davenport
On the coast near Santa Cruz
To drink beer

Then, just as Matt was suffiently drunk
Suddenly it was time to head back

Their plan was to get Matt wasted
So that he’d have to relinquish the keys
And let them drive the car back

After sufficient pestering
Matt finally agreed to head back
But he wasn’t about to let anyone else drive his car

At least, put it this way,
He was going to be the one
In the driver’s seat

As it turned out,
Erik and John did do some of the driving

They were the ones,
Erik from the back seat,
And John from the passenger seat,
Who had to continually grab the steering wheel
And veer us away from the oncoming semis

If I hadn’t been so unsure of my future,
Depressed even to the point of being suicidal
I naturally would have been much more alarmed

Poor Matt,
He was a handsome guy
And girls would be calling him all night long
But he’d just mope that there was nothing to do

He’d eventually end up living on the streets
A victim of severe manic depression

It’s no wonder that M.A.D.D. was founded
(mothers against drunk drivers)
The drinking and driving was out of hand
In the early eighties

So was the cocaine use

I was fortunate that I could never afford it
And only partook when it was offered to me

Personally I couldn’t understand what the big deal was all about

Sure, it provided a good buzz
And helped people to socialize
But it was so expensive
That I didn’t see that it was worth it

A handful of people
That I had gone to high school with
Would eventually get busted, big time
Stealing even from their own parents
In order to support their habits

That’s not to say that I never did coke

My friend Joe worked at a gas station
Which had a garage for car repairs

One night he “borrowed” one of the cars
Which was being worked on
And we drove over to the hills near Trousdale
Where we had a good view
Down to the S.F. airport

We did some lines and talked till four in the morning
Until we finally decided to head for home

That’s not a good time to be driving through Hillsborough
And sure enough we ended up being trailed by a cop

Fortunately, we ditched him by pulling into a driveway
And pretending we lived there

Of course I can’t recall what we socialized about that night
But I know that the talk was soothing
And I was in need of some comfort

I was adrift,
Unsure of what I wanted to do with my life
And adulthood was approaching far too fast

I knew this much;
I was no fan of the eighties.
I was clean-cut
But only because I was afraid not to be

I finally concluded
That since I was unsure of what I wanted to do with my life
I was just wasting my time in school

Looking back,
I can see that it was a mistake.
I should have only dropped Calculus
And stuck it out in Chemistry

In any case,
One thing I was sure of,
I was going to be myself
And not portray some image
That others wanted

If I was ever to be so lucky
To be asked out by a girl
She would never have to ask me
What type of music I liked

I was a headbanger
And loved Heavy Metal music
And was sick of not being allowed to show it

F*ck the preppy b*llshit
I was going to grow  my hair long
And wear leather

The first thing I did-
I got my ears pierced
And started wearing a battle-axe earring

Sure, it didn’t take long
Before my parents kicked me out of the house
But even then things worked out

A friend of mine
Took me in and let me sleep on the couch
For just twenty bucks a week

Occasionally he’d have his girlfriend over
And I’d have to vacate
But I had other homeless friends at the time
And we’d all crash in Tom’s mobile home

Never let anyone convince you
That appearances don’t matter
The same people that say that
Are the ones who will scream at you to get a haircut

I’ll say this much;
I hadn’t ever felt free before
I had always been quiet and shy
Secure in the knowledge
That if I had gotten into a fight
I’d probably have been the one getting my ass kicked

But I had grown quite a lot
Over the previous couple of years
And had pumped a lot of iron

Now I was quite buffed
And was tired of letting other people dictate
How I should dress or wear my hair

At a time when Madonna,
Huey Lewis and the Pointer Sisters
Were overplayed on pop radio
I was head banging
And that made all the difference
I didn’t spell relief ROLAIDS
I spelt it RHOADS, as in Randy Rhoads

I’m sure that many people would say
That I just wanted attention
-and they’d be right
I was tired of being ignored,
Of being a nobody,
Most especially to the other sex

It seemed that if you wanted to be a sexy guy
And impress the ladies
The socially acceptable way
Was to carry around a big, fat wallet
Or a big, fat penis

I wasn’t about to play that game
It seemed to me to be crude in the extreme

Growing up in Boringlame
I knew I’d be bound to get into fights
But I was willing to pay that price

All in all then,
1985 started out as a great year.
Unfortunately though my job did not last long.
Too many people were complaining
About my physical appearance
And I ended up getting canned (fired) from the liquor store

Fred felt sorry for me
And lent me some money
So I could get started as a drug-dealer

Now I don’t have any moral qualms about this
After all I was only selling marijuana and mushrooms
My favorite drugs, which I was more than willing to take myself

In fact, my career as a dealer was very short lived
Because I was smoking and eating up all of the profits

That being said, I shudder to think of what a bummer it would have been
To have gotten busted

That never happened
Though once these guys tried to rip me off

It happened at the showboat, out by the bay,

I was with three of my friends
When we ran into two guys who were with their girlfriends

We were all partying together
When one of the guys asked if he could check out my weed

Like a fool I whipped it out and showed it to him

The next thing I know,
The *sshole is walking away asking
“Now what would you do if I didn’t give this back to you”

This guy was huge, if not solidly built,
And he had a 1.75 liter Jack Daniels bottle in his hand

It didn’t matter.

I was furious
And as my weed was almost the only thing I owned in the world
I wasn’t about to let him walk away with it

As it was, we happened to have an old rusty machete in our car

I remember grabbing it,
But after that all I saw was stars
My adrenaline was pumping so fiercely

That’s not to say that I wasn’t conscious,
But I was seriously blinded as I made my way towards the scrawny friend
Of the huge guy who had stolen my weed

I was shouting out every curse word I knew
As I waved the machete like a madman

As my vision finally returned
I stood facing the scrawny dude who was armed with a whip

I had no idea what to do next
But fortunately I didn’t have to do anything
My earlier display of my anger
Had been convincing enough
And the huge guy handed my weed back

I have to credit my friends Joe and Frank
With helping me in this engagement

While Frank scuffled with the whip-yielding dude
Joe was as calm as a wind-less pond
And by circling to the rear of the buffed dude
He kept him preoccupied

That wasn’t the end of the fight though,
For as the two dudes and their ladies piled into their hot rod
They didn’t take off, but instead hit it in reverse
And slammed into my buddy’s car three or four times

Fortunately, my friend’s car was a piece of junk to begin with
And so he hardly cared that his car was now a total wreck

I managed to hold onto my weed on that night
But eventually my supply ran out

Like I said I was eating and smoking too much
To turn a profit

I tried looking for a job
But I was repeatedly turned down
No doubt my long hair being a factor against me

Pretty soon, as I was unable to pay the rent,
I found myself booted out of Frank’s place

With nowhere else to go
I had to trudge back to my parent’s house

I was weary of what was to come as I rang the doorbell
But turned out to be surprised
For my parents had undergone a change of mind

They let me move back
On the condition that I went back to college in the fall

I was ecstatic!!
The good times, apparently would be allowed to continue

Eventually I landed a job at Toys R Us
And managed to save up for some kick *ss concerts

I had mentioned earlier of all the concerts I had missed;

Another concert scene which I didn’t see
Occurred at a Saxon show

My good friend Paul had gone to see them with his friend Carlton

Now Carlton was hopeless when it came to drugs

If you had handed him some pills
He’d take them, without even asking what they were
And down them with a shot of whiskey

He was insanely reckless when it came to partying

This time it wasn’t entirely his fault, however
For some guy at the concert was simply offering up a joint
As Carlton took a hit, however, he started turning green

It turned out, the joint was laced with PCP
And as the word got around, nobody else wanted to hit off of it

That is except for Carlton, who finished it off

Now Paul and his buddies were seated up on the balcony

The next thing he knows, Carlton is freaking out
Saying that he can telepathically communicate with Biff,
The lead singer of the band
And that he has to get backstage right away

So what does he do?

Logic would have dictated
That he’d have taken the stairs down

Instead, to the cheers of the crowd,
Carlton runs and leaps off the balcony!!

Thud…

Naturally, he smacks the concrete hard
And there’s a sobering hush from the audience

Then, miraculously, he gets up
As if nothing had happened,
The crowd once again cheering!!

I never did find out if he made it backstage

Paul related to me later
Of yet another amazing stunt which Carlton managed to pull off
Paul and Carlton, along with some other friends
Had taken some hallucinogens at a Black Sabbath show
Which was held at the Cow Palace

Though they had become separated,
They somehow managed to hook up after the show

The only problem being that they had no ride home

Well, Carlton picks up the phone, and out of the blue
He calls a cab company

Then, through some amazing psychic ability
He manages to convince the driver that he knows him,
Correctly guessing not only the driver’s name
But also his birthday!!

Before the spell wore off
Paul and Carlton had their ride home
Free of charge!!

The last I heard of Carlton
Was that he had become a monk
And was living in a monastery somewhere in Northern California

Good for him,
No doubt he had plenty of sins
Which were in need of repentance

Another concert scene, this one I’m glad that I missed,
Occurred at a Billy Sheehan show In San Jose
Where some fool, no doubt very high on some type of drug,
Began climbing up the rafters.
Up and up he went, until he was at least fifty feet above the pit

He then tried to jump into the crowd,
But the crowd had been watching him
And pulled away as he leapt

This time there would be no getting up from the concrete

The heavy metal concerts of the early and mid-eighties were wild
You never knew what to expect

The security back then was sparse
And though there were always seating areas,
The area in front of the stage was a free for all
Where the stronger guys and girls
Tried to muscle their way closer to the stage

This area, called the pit, was notorious for fights

I only dared to brave the pit at a couple of shows
Most notably the Iron Maiden show on July the third of 1985

Though the show was way down in San Jose
I was already thoroughly stoned
By the time we passed through Menlo Park
On highway 101

Mingled with my high
Was the paranoia I felt
Since I didn’t have a ticket

I had never bought off a scalper before
And was afraid that the show would be sold out
So naturally I snatched up the first ticket I could find at $35
And I felt like a fool once I crossed the street
And saw tickets going for only $25

No matter, the show would prove to be well worth it

I didn’t care much for the opening band W.A.S.P.
But I had to admit they looked pretty scary, even demonic
As I nudged my way ever closer to the stage

By the time Iron Maiden came on I was within a few feet of the barricade

The most intense moment came when I made eye contact
With Bruce Dickinson, the singer

At that moment,
Through a demonic hallucination,
Everything faded away and I faced him alone
On a bloody battlefield

Now let me mention something about Bruce Dickinson,
He was one bad-assed dude.
Aside from his operatic singing ability
He had a certain aura about him

At one point he was rated number four in Britain in the sport of fencing

He was even featured in Sports Illustrated.

They had a picture of him, taken at a concert,
In which there’s blood running down the side of his head.
The caption read “An Iron Maiden concert
Can be a sporting event in itself”

Anyhow, he’s not the type of person
You’d have wanted to face on a battlefield
Back in the days when swords were still used
And so naturally my hallucination
Caused me to suffer a brief moment of terror

Nevertheless it was an intense concert
Especially when seen from the front barrier

As the concert ended
I was given an extra treat
For as I was on my way out of the arena
I decided to take one last look back at the stage

Lo and behold, a wristband thrown by Steve Harris
Was sailing right towards me

Like a fool I dropped it
But at least I was quick to pick it up

I immediately stuck it in my pocket
And looked around, all pissed off and ready to fight
In case anyone wanted to challenge me for it

Nobody did and it was mine

Right after the show
Paul offered me $25 for it, but I refused.
I probably should have accepted
Because I wore the wristband everywhere
And it wore out pretty quickly

Few concerts could compare though,
To the day on the green in 1985

We arrived late
And thus missed the Swedish guitar virtuoso
Yngwie J Malmsteen
Who would throw his guitar twenty feet in the air, catch it
And keep on playing without missing a chord

He was absolutely incredible
Yet even though we missed him
A young and hungry Metallica was up next

Far from being a household name,
They were only just beginning  to taste fame
Still with Cliff Burton, their original bass player
They were embarking on their breakout tour

In short, they kicked *ss
I didn’t even know who they were
At the beginning of the show
But I left a believer

I was a bit taken aback
When I saw Y&T hit the stage
Wearing yellow and pink

They were decent, but it wasn’t one of their better shows

The Scorpions though, kicked butt
Of the four times I’ve seen them
This was by far their best show.
No doubt they were inspired by the bands
Which came before them

As my hair grew longer,
I was growing more handsome by the day
But I also started getting harassed big time

I was an Ozzy Osbourne fan
And that brought me a lot of grief
Ozzy had just recently bit the head off of a bat
And understandably
that made him public enemy number one

I was f*cked with even more when I started wearing leather
“Are you in a band?”
or “Do you ride a bike?”

I grew sick of being asked those questions
By total strangers
As if it were any of their business

Fortunately there weren’t all that many fistfights
Usually  I’d just hear  “Get a haircut (you faggot)”
But usually by guys speeding safely by in their cars

Occasionally a bottle would be thrown
But mostly it was just dirty looks that I had to contend with

Something else I should confess;
Now don’t get me wrong-
I’ve never felt like a woman
Trapped inside a man’s body
Or anything like that
But I started cross dressing-
Wearing woman’s clothes

I never viewed it as a problem,
Just something kinky and fun.
I’d dress up in sexy lingerie
And dance around like a stripper

I guess I always envied the way that erotic dancers
Could treat men like suckers
And snatch their money

I suppose you’re probably thinking that I was a fag
But I don’t care
Like I said
It was something kinky and fun
No harm done

Eventually the school year drew near

This time I decided to give psychology a go

But I signed up with the same teacher
For both of my psych classes
This would prove to be disastrous

Naturally it was fun
Meeting new friends up on the hill
At the College of San Mateo
But no one caught my attention
More than a certain young woman

I know it sounds strait out of a screenplay
But I swear I first met her
When she dropped her schoolbooks
And I was handy to pick them up

Perhaps she dropped them on purpose
I’ll never know
I never asked

Now that’s not to say that I hadn’t eyed her earlier.
She was gorgeous
With her lovely, long blonde hair
And deep blue eyes
Which had once earlier
Made contact with mine

When we first set to talking
I wasn’t the nervous geek
Which I would have been just two years earlier
I didn’t even stutter

I was helped further
By her poor ability in math
And her need of a tutor
-For that I was the perfect suitor

She was a head banger
The same as I
Her name was Diana
And there was a concert coming up
Which we both wanted to see.
It wasn’t long before we set a date

Now her ex-boyfriend took much offense
And I was on the hit list
Of him and all his friends

Unfortunately that was quite a big circle

Once we exchanged phone numbers
We devised a code
And met at certain places and times
To avoid the prying eyes

It was a bit of a hassle
And I wanted to show off  my feelings for her
But it was little to ask
For such a treasure
As her company

It wasn’t long
Before our math-study sessions became intimate
And her grades, accordingly
Began to slip

Eventually the day of the big show arrived
A date we had been looking forward to
For some time

I was blown away
When she picked me up
She had never mentioned
That she owned a hot rod
Much less a 68’ Chevelle

My favorite memory of that night
Was the drive over to Oakland
Where the concert was being held

It was like living in a dream
I couldn’t believe
That such a wondrous thing was happening

I had had a couple of offers before
But I had wanted to make sure
That my first date
Was with Mrs. Right

Apparently I had found her
-Or her me

As for the concert itself,
It wasn’t anything great

We went to see the opening band
But they played a pathetically short set

At least I was able to get her close to the front
Where she had a great view
From up on my shoulders

The important thing
Was that as we left the arena
We were still holding hands

Things moved quickly after that

I wasn’t making any moves
I was leaving that up to her

“Aren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?”
She asked as she was dropping me off
After our second date

The third time we went out
We went to a party

We’d been kicking back at a table
Where she was playing with some beads

When she looked up
She had a wicked look about her
The evil eye

I knew then that we’d be sleeping together soon

A few days later
We were making out before class
When things got very steamy

She asked if there was anyplace
Where we could go
But I didn’t know of any
And so we made lust
Right in the back seat

This soon became a habit of ours

Now I can’t speak for her
Besides math, I can’t recall
What other classes she was taking
But my psych classes were a real drag

I mentioned before
That I had the same teacher for both of them
Well, he was an insecure little man
And that’s putting it nicely

Judging at least from the way he spoke
Money was the most important thing
In his little world

This a-hole would actually point out
Towards the lower income neighborhoods out by the bay
And call all the people who lived there “scums”

In today’s politically correct environment
This man wouldn’t last a day

When he wasn’t lashing out at “fags”
He was cutting down
 “those long hairs down in Santa Cruz”

The sad thing was
This man was a licensed therapist.
I feel sorry for the poor people
Who shelled out $75 or so an hour
Just to be cut down by him

I, for one,
Wasn’t about to sit in his classroom
And listen to his diatribes
Fortunately I had something better to do.

F**king, after all,
Was a lot more fun

For a while Diana and I were inseparable
But eventually I returned to my other friends as well

Joe was my best buddy

Poor guy,
Though his dad had long ago divorced
And then been remarried
Joe’s mother in law
Had never treated him as a part of the family

It got so bad
That he had to venture out on his own
And found himself without a home

Once my parents found out
That I had dropped out of school again
I was forced to join him

We weren’t totally skid
After all, Joe had a car

There were only two problems though-
Anyone walking by
Could see us crashed out
After all we weren’t in a van
But worst of all
The car didn’t even run!!

We’d park it in a certain place for three days
And then be forced to push it somewhere else
Usually late at night

Obviously this couldn’t go on forever but
Fortunately we found an abandoned house
Which was scheduled to be demolished

We managed to crash there for a whole month

And then there was that empty apartment.
A friend of ours
Who lived in the complex tipped us

I forget how we got in,
This was so long ago,
But in any case it wasn’t long
Before the manager came by and caught us

Fortunately it wasn’t much of a bust
And we were able to walk away

Late one night
Joe came by and woke me

He’d broken into the record store
And had packed a few boxes
With his favorite albums and tapes

Naturally he needed my help
And so we pushed the getaway car
About half a mile to the store
Then after he piled the boxes in,
We pushed the car away!!

It definitely was amazing that we didn’t get caught.
I knew the guy who owned the store
And should have felt bad about stealing
But I figured I was just paying back Joe a favor

After all he was letting me stay in his car
And he would have been hella pissed
If I hadn’t have helped him

The heist did put a strain
On our relationship though,
For the next day over at Doug’s house
Both Joe and Doug were obsessed with greed

“You ain’t getting anything”
They kept parroting

(Doug was getting a share of the records
In return for allowing them
To be stored at his house)

There were some rare records
Including “The Magic Lanterns”
A sixties group which featured a young Ossie Ozbourne

I just took off disgusted, however

I started sleeping in Diana’s car instead
Or when that became a bust
I’d sleep in my brother’s station wagon

It was summertime
And I was enjoying
Living like a hippie
But society wasn’t.
At least not in the ritzy town
That I was living in

This was the heart of the 80’s
When conformity ruled supreme,
At least in the suburbs

I was getting f**ked with on a daily,
No, more like on an hourly basis

So sick was I of being messed with
I started carrying a sheathed knife on my belt
And I changed my name to Johnny Blade
Which is the name of a Black Sabbath song
About a guy who dies in the gutter

“Been alone
All through his life
His only friend
Is a switchblade his knife

He’s the one
Who should be afraid
What will happen
To you Johnny Blade

You foolish people
Who’s fooling who
It’s time to listen
The fool is you”

Once I changed my name
I began having problems
With certain members
Of the Washington Park crowd

Buddy was the undisputed king of the park.
Everybody knew him
Yet nobody messed with him

I’m sure he felt
That I was encroaching on his territory

All that I was doing
Was representing Heavy Metal
But there weren’t many head bangers who were

One of the things which saved me from a showdown
Was that previous machete incident

By now, almost everybody had heard of it
And it gave me a reputation
Of being a crazy madman
Who you didn’t want to mess with

Even so, it frightens me
To think back on the time
When Sean was giving me some sh*t about my new name

We were on the second story of an apartment complex
And my back was to the railing

He was in my face
Giving me a hard time
And what scares me the most
Is that he was the type
Who would have just hucked me over the railing
Without thinking of the consequences

Sean would end up
Doing some serious prison time
For beating the sh*t out of some poor guy
With a baseball bat

I’m sure glad it wasn’t me.
I had enough worries at the time.
My stomach had begun to suffer
Because I had so much anxiety  inside of me
Just from walking down the street

I wasn’t about to give in though,
Instead I’d just crank the Heavy Metal louder
As I cruised around with Diana

Poor girl,
I really did abuse her car stereo
But this was a cultural battle which was being fought
And I wasn’t about to quit

I was friends with a couple of girls named Tina and Michele

When I was introduced to Michele’s mom
It was obvious at the first glance
That she already disapproved of me

I could tell by the sneering look of skepticism she wore

Once, as she was driving up the avenue,
I was being assaulted by a man
Who had just left a bar

The guy was calling me a punk
Calling me a punk!
As he attacked me
For no reason other than my physical appearance

I was able to ward him off
Without much trouble
But as I was busy doing so
His sneaky friend tried to circle around
And take me from behind

It was a good thing that I had my friend Joe on my side
He arrived just in time

Our attackers were unable to make much headway
And the fight soon petered out

Just as it was breaking up
Michele’s mom happened to drive by
And she scolded me for fighting

Here I was, the one being attacked
And in her mind I had probably started it all
The irony struck hard and left me speechless

I finally came to my senses
And dropped the knife
And began carrying around
A baseball bat instead

It was during this time
That I had that fateful experience at the church

As I walked down the aisle
A hundred stares upon my back
The beautiful stained glass windows
Instead appeared eerie and oppressive

A dark cloud was descending upon me.
What I had thought were shivers
Racing up and down my side
Were actually demons entering inside

Following my encounter with the priest
And with Jesus Christ
By life began a downward spiral,
Yet ever so slowly

In the short term, however,
Things took a turn for the better

I began writing epic poems

What inspired me were the lyrics
From the bands Iron Maiden and Rush

It was amazing how well they could put words together.
I just had to have a stab at it myself

My first fantasy story
Concerned an evil religious crusade
Herein lies a sample;

“No quarter, either side
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
We’re trapped, surrounded
Perched on a mountainside

Caught in the deadly grip
Of winter and hunger
We warmed ourselves by cooking dead comrades

Slimy, wormy tissue
It squirmed down my throat as I swallowed
I held back my distaste
We’d all need strength for the breakout attempt

The sky bloody red
The sun already set
We prepare for battle
Last will and testament

As arrows pierce our ranks
We charge on
Rolling dice with death

 I could feel the dragon’s breath

We were so close
We could almost spear the enemy
Then, suddenly, the ground gave way

“Get back, it’s a trap”
The warning came too late
And we were seared by the flames

Branch covered, oil drenched pits
Just waiting to be torched
Spread out in front of their trench
The rotten stench of death abounds

Limbs, amputations;
They litter the ground

Exhausted, dispirited
I make my escape
Past the head of our leader
Impaled on a stake”

Since the epic poems I was writing
Were similar to the lyrics
of Heavy Metal songs
I’d often recite them to other head bangers

I’d find plenty of them
Hanging out along El Camino in San Mateo
Back in the days when cruising  was still popular

On Friday and Saturday nights
Between highway 92 and Hillsdale
The El Camino was practically a parking lot
It was so jammed with people of all stripes

Preppies, jocks, head bangers;
You name it

It was wild.
Once I saw some rookies driving by
Who were drinking from an open keg as they drove
Talk about a lame bust!

I have mentioned earlier
Of how I had worked for Toys R Us

Well, on Saturdays
I had a brutal twelve hour shift
From 10 AM to 10 PM

Afterwards, I’d walk all the way home from Redwood City

Even though it was a good ten miles
I figured I could use the exercise and the adventure

Anyhow, the best part of the hike
Was through San Mateo where the cruise was

Now, a year later,
Thanks to Diana, I was actually driving the cruise
Instead of walking it

We were styling in her Chevelle
And couldn’t help blasting “Highway Star”
Or other Heavy Metal hits

My epic poems made a great conservation piece
And I met a lot of guys who were in rock bands

I also met a few idiots

Mark, aka “The Loony”
Was a masochist

Though he’d often rub people the wrong way
And got into a lot of fights
He’d rarely ever fight back

Instead he’d just say “hit me”
Inevitably the other guy would
And Mark would be bleeding
But he’d just beg for more

“Oh, so you think you’re tough, do you?
Then hit me again” was all he’d say

At least for awhile,
Mark’s way of getting around
Was not by a car or a bike
But by a pogo stick!!

Even on the El Camino you could see him bounding along.
No word on whether he developed back troubles

 Mark’s best buddy was Howie
A most disreputable sort

There’s no counting
The scores of young women he deflowered
It was probably far more than a score

Once, when he was in bed
With an underage girl,
Her daddy burst into the room with a shotgun

Howie managed to get away that time
By leaping out of the window
Of the second story apartment building
But the police managed to catch up with him
And while he was in the county jail
They stopped the elevator between floors
And beat the cr*p out of him

Howie eventually had to take off for another state.
He had created too many enemies
Among jealous ex-boyfriends

The El Camino cruise was a lot of fun
But there were a lot of a-holes
Who hung out there as well

Once, when I was alone,
Showing off my poetry
I was jumped by a gang of thugs

I wasn’t even looking when they first hit me.
The next thing I know
I’m being dragged into an alley
Where they proceeded to beat the cr*p out of me

One punch landed directly in my eye
And I saw a big green flash
“these f*ckers are going to blind me” I thought
As I started shrieking like a wild animal
As loud as I could

It worked and my assailants fled,
No doubt only concerned that they might get caught

As I took off and tried to get away
They came after me again

Fortunately a couple of good Samaritans
Said “get in” and drove me away from danger

The San Mateo police
Eventually cracked down on the cruise
But it was fun while it lasted
In spite of some unfortunate incidents

Naturally, the best memories I have
Were of scoring in the back seat of Diana’s car

One time we were busted
Or at least we could have been
But the police officer just checked our Id’s
And left us alone

No doubt he had other more pressing concerns

We discovered an even better hangout spot
Downtown in Redwood City

Pony Express Pizza served up more than just food.
In the back of the restaurant was a stage
Where local bands would play

Sometimes they were juvenile,
Just kids who were out of tune
But there were some decent bands as well

“The Ruffians” were very good
In spite of their lame name

They had opened for Ronnie James Dio before
And had at least one epic tune
With an Egyptian theme

I was friends with a couple of the guys
From “Hidden Fate”
They were very talented
But weren’t commercial enough
To become a huge success

Unfortunately I never did see any of Brandon’s bands.
Brandon was an awesome singer
Who fronted “Heaven and Hell”
(a Black Sabbath tribute band)
As well as other projects

The band “Riot” was also very good
I can’t figure out how they didn’t hit the big time
They were certainly talented enough

What made Pony Express such a cool hangout
Was that half of the audience members
Were in bands themselves

I kept reciting my epic poems
Hoping to find a band which I could collaborate with
My main poem was still the one dealing
With the evil religious crusade

“We traveled from tribe to tribe
Embracing pagans with the Lord’s religion
And enslaving natives
To build great missions

Some fled or resisted
Their traps well hidden
Our  wells doused with poison

In skirmish we were successful
They hightailed into shadows
Watching, waiting,
Their numbers always gaining

We’d been marching through woodland
In an orderly column

Suddenly savages sprung up all around us!!
They caught us in the open
And then cut us down!

Wounded King Peronakin,
His horse shot from under him,
He lay on the ground dying of wounds

Their marksmen shot us to pieces
Before we could retrieve him
Then slipped away
The field filled with dead and dying
Our king lying on his death bed

Sweeping out of the woods
They sliced us to shreds
Then fell back to the mountains
To ambush again

Burning bridges,
Destroying our roads
Poisoning our wells and water holes

We couldn’t even tell friend from foe
For those in battle wore no colors
And many of our “friends”
Proved only actors
Burning our churches
When our backs were turned

We were forced to use torture, interrogation
Meanwhile I did some thinking of my own

These natives we were fighting-
All they wanted was their freedom
And what’s so bad about their own religion?

They eat wild mushrooms
But in moderation

Respecting and loving one another and nature;

Would it be that we could be so pure

But as I am wise
I must also be quiet
The watching eyes, they are upon us

‘Does thou doubt our mission a holy one?’
The bishop’s grin was evil, twisted.
I must better hide my expressions
We’re strangled by inquisition”

Unfortunately, I never did find a band
Which was receptive to my lyrics

But Diana, on the other hand, encountered one
Which was in need of a manager
And she volunteered her services

This band was good, but not great
But it was fronted by a most interesting singer

Marty was delusional and I seriously believe
That he thought he was Robert Plant,
The lead singer of Led Zeppelin

That being said,
He was a very intelligent dude
With whom I would have some interesting conversations
In the years ahead

In the meantime though,
Diana was becoming more frustrated
By my homeless and jobless situation

She expressed her wishes
That I would find a job
So that we could move in together

One day I accompanied her
When she had some business to tend to in San Francisco

I wore my leather pants and vest
And didn’t think anything of it
-boy was that a mistake

Apparently, in the city
Things were a bit different

I spent the four hours or so
Which I had to kill as I waited for her
Wandering around Market street
Where people thought I was a male prostitute!

As if that wasn’t bad enough
This was at a time when AIDS was rampant
And as I went into the fast food restaurant
And ordered my meal
The employee looked at me as if I were already dead
I.e. contaminated,
Doomed to die

One guy solicited me
But offered me only twenty bucks

Yeah right!
Try fifty thousand
And then we’d have had a deal

Needless to say I was happy to see Diana again
And head back home

I gotta give Diana a lot of credit
For she turned me on to a couple of great bands

I had thought that I knew
Most of the decent metal bands
But I had never even heard of U.F.O. or
Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow

Back in the seventies
When they were fronted by Ronnie James Dio
Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow produced such hits as
“The Gates of Babylon”, “Rainbow Eyes”
and “Still I’m sad”

Their greatest hit of all though,
Was “Stargazer”

It makes me sick that radio stations
Ignore this band

What is the point?
Are you trying not to sell CDs?!!

I challenge the people over at MTV or vh1
To pick a person at random
Right off the street
And ask them to direct a music video
For the song “Stargazer”
And I will bet you
That they could easily help sell thousands of copies
Of the CD which the song is on; “Rainbow Rising”

The song is as epic as A Stairway to Heaven
And would lend itself easily to video

This classic,
Placed in an Egyptian setting,
Concerns a race of people
Who, led by a sorcerer, build a pyramid
In the hopes that the sorcerer
Will be able to fly off of the pyramid
Once it is built

The first part of the song
Deals with the building of the pyramid

Then, the guitar solo represents the sorcerer
As he climbs up the monument

Tragically though, after he leaps off the pyramid
He falls to his death
Instead of flying away

In the song’s climax
Ronnie James Dio practically cries as he laments the people’s woe
Since all their beliefs in their prophet
Turn out to be forlorn

Sorry to go off on a spiel
But the capitalist in me
Sees it as a big waste

Nine out of every ten Led Zeppelin fans
Would also be Rainbow fans
Yet many of them hardly know that this band exists.
All the radio stations play
Is “The man on a silver mountain”
Which isn’t even one of their best songs

Anyhow, back to the real world;

I managed to land a great job at the local library.
What could have been better than to be paid
To shelve books!!

Of course with all that wisdom passing swiftly by
I couldn’t help but read some of them as I shelved

Much of what I read was disturbing, though

The history classes
Which I had taken at school
Usually wrapped up around the time of the Korean War

Now, for the first time I was reading
About my governments foreign policies
During the Vietnam War era

Much of it was scandalous

In 1973, Salvador Allende
Was freely elected by the people of Chile

While it’s true
That he nationalized many industries
Which had previously been owned
By U.S. companies,
Most notably the mining interests,
He had, after all, been elected fairly

Kissenger remarked however,
“I don’t see why we should stand by
and let a country go Marxist
because it’s people are irresponsible”

Immediately the Nixon administration
Began efforts to undermine Allende

The CIA not only funded his opponents
But also encouraged the Chilean military
To attempt a coup

When the chief of the Chilean armed forces
General Rene Schneider
Refused to be tempted
And supported democracy instead,
The CIA issued $50,000 for his head

We wanted him kidnapped
But when the attempt was bungled
He ended up being murdered

The CIA soon had it’s coup
And Allende fell from power
Only to be replaced
By a most brutal dictator
Augusto Pinochet
Who would rule with an iron fist
For over fifteen years

As if our policy towards Chile wasn’t bad enough,
We supported Ferdinand Marcos in the Philippines

I’ll admit that at certain times
I was a small-time criminal
But there was nothing small
About Marcos’s crimes

His nation was impoverished
Yet that never stopped him
From looting the coffers

He and his wife Imelda would amass a fortune worth billions
While a great many Pilipinos
Had to turn to prostitution just to survive 

The drug dealing, prostitution and money laundering
So rampant in his country
Was not only tolerated, it was sanctioned
Just so long as he got his share

While his people starved,
He had a huge Rushmorian bust of his head constructed
A monument to his arrogance

It was only obvious
That there would be opposition to his reign

In his view though,
All of his opponents were communists
And deserved to be tortured accordingly
-with electric currents applied to their genitals no less

Marcos declared martial law in 1972
Yet the more repressive his measures,
The more his people rose up against him

Sadly, even the Carter administration,
Despite it’s concerns for human rights,
Continued to support his many wrongs

As far as more current events were concerned,
Closer to home was Central America
Where the Reagan administration
Supported the Nicaraguan contras
Or counter-revolutionaries with drug money!!

Reagan first tried to obtain funding the legal way,
By congressional approval,
But when that didn’t work
Cocaine dealing did the job

Before working at the library
I had largely been ignorant of foreign affairs
Now I was outraged!!

Of  course it would have been impossible
To support saints
This world is a dangerous and corrupt place
But often the regimes we propped up
Were even more repressive than communist states

Surely this had to change
And I thought I had an answer

I would seek out people who were like-minded
And would form a militia

We would organize and drill
Until we had raised a small army
And then we’d march off to Europe
And try to join N.A.T.O.

Of course not all of us could go
Economically that would be unfeasible
But even with the few troops we’d be able to send over
We’d make a powerful political statement

Millions of Americans were opposed
To our nation’s policies
Towards Nicaragua and El Salvador

What better way to grab attention and headlines
Than by manning the front lines
In Germany and France
Or any other N.A.T.O. ally who would take us

Back when America was first founded
The revolutionaries fought back against the British
Not only with the regular soldiers
Of the Continental Army
But also with various militia outfits

The war could not have been won
Without these two widely different types of fighting units
Struggling together with the same goal in mind

To raise a militia was an American as apple pie
At least it was in the early days of this country
And that was good enough for me

I lived in fear of the draft
Because there’s no way I would have gone

More than likely, I would have waited with a rifle
For the authorities to come a knocking
And would have gone out in a blaze of glory

Oh, don’t get me wrong
I wasn’t afraid of dying in a war
I half expected it. I wanted to be a soldier

But I wasn’t about to be ordered about
And made to fight for a cause that I abhorred

Though we can all thank Ronald Reagan
For his vital role in the collapse of the U.S.S.R.,
I venemently disagreed with his policies
Toward Central America

The brutal murderous thugs
Whom the Reagan administration propped up in El Salvador
Were in my view the one’s most responsible
For the carnage in that beleaguered country

I believe in capitalism to a large extent
But when less than 5% of the population
Owns more than 90 percent of the wealth
And holds onto their power by murdering
That’s not capitalism, it’s corruptionalism

If the Reagan administration
Had sent a large number of troops
To Central America in the 1980’s
There would have been a public outcry
And many protests

If they had tried to conscript young men
And force them to fight
There might have been a lesser version
Of the virtual civil war
Which broke out in the tumultuous sixties

The politicans were smart enough to realize this
And that’s part of the reason such things didn’t happen
But that doesn’t change the fact
That I lived in fear of such horrors occurring

I for one, wasn’t about to wait around
Until a war broke out

Once I hit upon the idea of raising a militia
I went all out to convert others to the cause

I knew that one divisive issue
Would be whether or not homosexuals and bi-sexuals
Would be allowed to enlist

The eighties must have been a hard time for gay people

Not only was AIDS an epidemic
But society wasn’t all that welcoming
To those with divergent sexual desires

I imagined that many homosexuals and bi-sexuals
Would jump at the chance to serve their country
Even if it were in a radical militia

Perhaps gaining more self respect
But certainly more respectability in society

I had no intention of turning them away
But I also had to deal with some strait people
Who didn’t want to have anything to do with queers;

Therefore, the militia would have to be segregated
With one branch open to homosexuals and bi-sexuals
And the other one reserved for strait people

During the Vietnam War,
Many members of the Hells Angels Motorcycle club,
No doubt upset with the anti- war protests,
Volunteered their services to the government

They were willing to go to Vietnam
And join the fight against the Viet Cong
Not as Marines or Regular Army Soldiers
But as Hells Angels
Their beards, long hair and tattoos intact

The government turned them down
Which is understandable

The problem was that the Vietnam War
Was a guerilla war
In which it was hard to tell who the enemy was

One moment, you could be marching past
A couple of innocent looking farmers out in the fields
And the next moment
They might drop their hoes,
Pick up AK47’s,
And start shooting at you

In such a confusing struggle
It was easy enough for tempers to escalate
To the point where atrocities might occur
Such as the ones depicted
In the Academy Award winning film “Platoon”

In one of the film’s dramatic moments,
Staff Sergeant  Barnes,
A hard-edged whiskey drinker from Texas played by Tom Beringer
Kills Sergeant Elias, who is a good soldier
But also somewhat of a counter-cultural hippie
(he’s played by William Defoe)

Sergeant Elias believed in winning over
The hearts and minds of the Vietnamese people
As much as it was possible.
I’m not so sure that the Hell’s Angels Motorcyclists
Would have been so good at that.

On the other hand,
If they had offered to fight in the Korean War back in the 1950’s,
As long as the South Korean people would have welcomed them,
I don’t see why a deal couldn’t have been arranged.

Needless to say they would need far more disipline

I believe that Marijuana should be legal in America

It is interesting however,
How society’s views towards Marijuana
Have changed with the times

It caused an alarm to conservative society
When Black and Hispanic minorities used Marijuana
As far back as the 1930’s

However, Marijuana really made it to the forefront
Of the political debate during the tumultuous 1960’s
When droves of young people began using it,
“dropping out of society” and protesting the Vietnam War

It must have seen like the end of the world
To many conservatives

I can attest from my own experiences
That Marijuana tends to make at least some people
more peaceful and reflective

I was sure that the cure was solid doses
Of melodic Heavy Metal

I’m talking about Yngwie Malmsteen, Rush
Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden

They wrote epic tales of warriors from long ago.

Their sagas sure got my blood pumping.

I mentioned before just how crazy some of the concert pits were
Back in the 1980’s

They were free for alls where guys would be just wailing
On each other with their fists.
This was especially true with the heavier bands like Metallica or Slayer

Why not harness some of that otherwise wasted, negative, often demonic, energy
And direct it towards the Soviets instead?
That was my thinking at least.

It seems to me that it is culturally insensitive, to say the least
For the U.S. Military to continue to shave the heads of all the recruits
Who are entering into their hallowed institutions
 
To shave the head of a Heavy Metalhead such as myself
Would have been akin to cutting off Samson’s hair before
He was expected to go into battle against the Phillistines

It was also reminiscent of Roman campaigns
To civilize the barbarian tribes

That wouldn’t have worked for me at all.

I have to believe that there are more than a few Native Americans out there
Who are also resentful of the fact that if they wish to serve
Or are drafted into the U.S. Military,
They have to go through the humiliation of having their hair shorn off.

If you ask me,
It’s reminiscent of ancient campaigns
To “civilize” the natives

As far as women are concerned,
I’m glad that they earned the right
To serve in the U.S. Military
To the extent that they have

I’m glad that at least some minorities
Have the right to serve their country proudly.
I’m still struggling for that right myself

During the mid-80’s
There was a horrible famine in Ethiopia
Which was largely a result of that country’s ongoing war
With neighboring Eritrea

A musician named Bob Geldof organized a benefit concert
Which was called “Live Aid”

The show featured many top acts including Queen
And Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath even reformed for the occasion

The concert was a success and raised money for a relief effort.
Although it was a noble cause, worthy of praise,
It would have been far more adventageous
To have prevented the famine before it even happened

All the signs were there
Which pointed to a disaster in the making
Yet the world stood idly by until it was too late
And people were already dropping from starvation

I realize that there are those who couldn’t give a damn
About poverty and hardship in other parts of the world

I even heard cruel jokes being made
About the famine victims

I didn’t share these views, however

The way I saw it,
I could have easily been born in Africa, Asia, or anywhere else
And it would have been a great shame
If I didn’t use the power I had
As a citizen of a mighty nation
To at least attempt to alleviate the sufferings
Of those less fortunate than myself

I didn’t have much money to give away to charities
But I at least tried to read up
On events and injustices in other parts of the world

I suppose in another life
I might have been a missionary
It was certainly something which interested me

In any case,
I hoped that if I could find recruits for the militia
That they’d be conscientious and charitable
Rather than apathetic

The way I figured it,
By coming to the aid of struggling peoples
Who weren’t as fortunate as us,
We’d be winning over hearts and minds

There was an organization called “Sane Freeze”
Which had an office in San Francisco
(It’s now called California Peace Action)

I wish I had known of it back then,
For it was staffed with energetic, enthusiastic people
Who would have eagerly lent me their ears

Instead I was left adrift in a sea of apathy

When I first set out on my cause
I was of a democratic mind set
But after years of being ignored and laughed at
I would later become bitter and tyrannical

Although it was my shame
That I never paid my fair share of the rent
It most definitely was a pleasure to live with Diana
When we finally moved in together

We no longer had to worry about getting busted
Every time we made love or had sex

We could get as kinky as we desired

We’d both dress up in lingerie
And take turns strip-teasing each other

I’m not sure if it turned her on when I danced
But at least she didn’t laugh
She definitely liked my poem “Danielle”
Which I wrote about an erotic dancer who is nervous
Because it’s her first day on the job;

I was wearing a white,
One piece bathing suit
With a red belt secured tight around my waist

The boots I had on were pink, leather
And caressed my legs
To just above the knee

Everyone I had asked
Had thought they were too dangerous
But I couldn’t have cared less
I loved to be caressed

At the moment
I was taking a last nervous look at myself
In the full length mirror

Though I was generally pleased
With what I saw
Still my suit was a size too small

Even though it was sure to end up stretched
I pulled it up till it covered my breasts

It felt as though
It’s straps would break
Yet after a struggle
I had them secured

The suit was sure to leave marks in my shoulders                                                       Still I couldn’t have cared

I just loved the snug fit
And the feel of pleasure
As it hugged my derriere
Far outweighed the pain
Of feeling restrained

Masochistic I may be
Yet for now I’m free, unbounded
And full of energy

My golden locks falling past my belt
Had vibrance and bounce
As I danced about
Playfully rehearsing my moves
In front of the mirror

When at last I felt ready
To put on a show
I spun a half-circle on my heels
And headed for the hallway

My customers were in the recreation room
And I couldn’t afford to keep them waiting

I took a deep, uneasy breath
Outside the door
My hand trembling
As I turned the knob

I was tense
And made anything but a grand entrance
As I strolled into the room

Two of my customers
Didn’t even bother
To look up from their game of pool

I shrugged off their absorbed self-interest
And turned my attention
To the other pair of men instead

They too were wearing suits
And were seated on the far end of the room
On a sofa

I was pleasantly surprised
When I realized they were so handsome

At most they were only a year or two older than me
And that made me all the more eager to please

I wanted to kick up my heels
And prance across the room
Like a Vegas showgirl
But instead, I settled for a lazy stroll

Even still, they thought I was sexy
I could see it clearly in their eyes
-the way they focused on me
As if I were on parade

I did my best to play the part

Placing my hands firmly against my swaying hips
I ran my tongue in a wide arch
Across my upper lip

In no time,
Having crossed the room,
I stood before them

Suddenly however, I was unsure of what to do

Every erotic dancer has to start somewhere
Myself, I had never put on a show
For a man before
And was feeling insecure

Just then I noticed
That the most handsome of the two men
Was about to fire up a joint

A hit of pot always helped me to relax
And to release my inhibitions
So naturally I sat myself down
In the man’s lap
When he offered me a hit

When Diana decided she wanted a pet
I suggested a cat or a dog
But she knew better
And soon we had a Budgie,
An awesome little green bird

He would continue to be my friend
Even long after Diana and I
Eventually split up

He would spent hours in front of the mirror
Making out with his own image
All the while thinking
That if was another bird

Once, like a fool,
I took him outside

He took one last look at me
Hardly believing that he was actually free
And then he shot off into the sky

Immediately a large raven swept down to attack him
And he was forced to flee to the shelter
Of a nearby tree where I climbed up and grabbed him

Diana and I were low on funds
And couldn’t afford to go to all the great concerts
But we did see Megadeath, Aerosmith
And Ronnie James Dio, who with his castles
And fire-breathing dragons
Was always sure to put on a great spectacle

An even better show
Was Metallica’s last tour with Cliff Burton
Just before the tragic bus accident
Which claimed his life

We were seated far above the fray
Yet even still the pit was murderous
The fists seeming to fly in sync with the music.
It was definitely the livest crowd I had ever seen

Unfortunately, melodic Heavy Metal as I knew it
Soon all but disappeared
To be replaced either by thrash bands
Playing at the Stone in the S.F.
Or glam bands from L.A.

The worst was when MTV came out with it’s Headbangers Ball show

What a nightmare!!
One apathetic, poser band after another

I couldn’t stand to watch it
But as Diana enjoyed the show
It was on every Saturday night
Ruining many of my evenings

It was about this time when I almost lost my sight in an accident

It occurred on a weekend
When we cruised way down to Butano State Park;
Diana and I, along with Jeff and Anton

We went for a short hike together
But then split up

It’s not that Diana and I were consumed with passion
And wanted to do the wild thing
But we did want some privacy

We spent a good part of the afternoon
Being sweet and romantic with each other
But then my buddies showed up
And they were hella pissed off that they had been ignored

They were each waving a stick around
Challenging me to a stick fight.
When they started making fun of my new name
I was fool enough to rise to the bait

The joust only lasted a few moments;
We were both pissed off and swinging hard,
But unfortunately for me, Jeff had the weaker stick

It snapped in half,
With him still holding the stem
As the other end shot directly into my left eye

I didn’t feel any pain
Though when the shock wore off
I began to worry that I’d go blind in that eye

It is nothing short of a miracle that I didn’t
And that to this day I can see clearly

About the only bright side
Was that I knew then just how much Diana cared for me.
She let out a primal shriek when it happened
And bereted Jeff for having hurt me

At least the incident didn’t affect our friendship
Everything returned to normal for Jeff and I
Once it became clear that I was okay

I can’t even remember the name of the band
Which Diana managed
But I got along well with Marty the singer

He was always interesting to talk to and I tested all my theories on him

When we got together, we’d play Avalon Hill strategy games
Such as Panzer Leader, 1776 or War At Sea

I’m sure you’ve probably heard of
Or maybe even played the game “RISK”

I never cared for it because there was way too much luck involved

What we did was throw away the RISK cards
And we’d play instead with infantry, tanks and planes

We basically meshed AXIS AND ALLIES and RISK
And played on the RISK board

Even Diana played along with us.
She wasn’t the greatest strategist
But I could usually count on having her on my side

Naturally Marty and his other friends would have to unite against us

While we played, we socialized about radical politics;

                               DAMON
Did you ever hear about how the Hell’s Angel’s Motorcycle
Club had many of it’s members volunteer to go off and fight                                                        in the Vietnam War?

                               MYSELF
Oh, that’s right. They wanted to fight, not as Marines or Army
Soldiers, but as Hell’s Angels. And our government turned down
Their offer.

                               MARTY
I can understand our government’s reservations. After all, the
Vietnam conflict was a brutal guerrilla war where you didn’t
Always know who the enemy was. One moment, a peasant could
Be harvesting rice and the next thing you know, she has an AK47
Pointing at you.

In such a conflict, your soldiers have to be really well trained
Or else the chances increase that they will commit atrocities.  

                                 MYSELF
In a more traditionally fought war, though, such as the Korean
Conflict or World War Two, where you know who your enemy
Is because they are wearing uniforms, I don’t see any reason                                                             Why a Motorcycle group or any other sub-culture shouldn’t
Be able to fight as it’s own entity, just so long as they have been
Very well trained.

Heck, just look at our alliance of N.A.T.O.  It’s comprised of
Soldiers from many different nationalities. Some of those
European countries allow their soldiers to wear their hair long  
And some have more lenient policies towards marijuana usage.

It doesn’t appear to have irrepedely damaged N.A.T.O.’s cohesion 

 
                                 Myself   
So, do you know the story about the Colt 45?
Why and how it was invented?

                                 Marty
Wasn’t that during our conquest of the Philippines
Back at the turn of the century?

                                 Myself
Yeah, the American soldiers would shoot the Filipinos
But they’d just keep on coming.

So they needed a better type of weapon,
One that would stop them in their tracks.

                                 
                    Damon                                                                                               I’ll bet that did the job.

             
                    Myself
I’ll say. It blew holes strait through them.

…So, you know how that war ended, don’t you?

               Marty
I forget. Fill me in.

                         Myself
An American officer named Frederick Funston
Thought up a clever ruse-

                          Marty
Oh, don’t tell me, I remember.
He pretended he was a prisoner, and with a Filipino guard
Loyal to the Americans marched right into Algonados’s camp
And captured him.

                          Damon
Is that who Fort Funston is named after?

                          Myself
Yep, that’s the guy.

It’s a good thing that the Americans-

                          Damon
More like Tyrannicans.(laughs)

                          Myself
Well anyway, it’s a good thing that he managed to pull
Off that stunt because otherwise the war might have gone on and on.
It was a lot like Vietnam. A brutal guerilla war.

Do you know that’s when the term gook was first coined?
 
                          Damon
Hurry up and play. It’s your turn.

                                Myself
Speaking of the Philippines reminds me of Macarthur,
What do you think of him?

                      Marty
What about him?

                                Myself
I don’t know where to start. Well, actually for starters, shouldn’t
The Philippines have been evacuated when it appeared that war
With Japan was eminent? Weren’t they indefensible?

                                Damon
Yeah, we sure got our asses kicked there, didn’t we?

                                Marty
What gets me is that he abandoned his post and retreated in a sub,
Leaving Wainwright to surrender.

                                Damon
Well, you really can’t blame him. After all, Roosevelt ordered him to retreat.

I will say this, it was in the Korean War where he really screwed up.
If he hadn’t threatened China, they might not have gotten involved.
That war might have lasted less than a year.

                                 Myself
At least give him credit for the Inchon landings. Boy were the North Koreans
Overextended. He really cut them off there.

                                 Damon
What do you think of the Indianapolis, the naval vessel. What do you
Think of that story?

                                 Marty
Wasn’t that the ship which carried the atom bombs across the Pacific?

                                 Damon
Yeah, imagine that. We had only two atom bombs
And yet we housed them both on the same ship.
Imagine if it had been sunk. Then where would we have been?

Anyhow I think you get the idea.
 
Marty and his buddy Damon
Would have made perfect recruits for the cause

They were hippies, but intellectual.
What’s more, they were military philosophers

If there had been more people like them around at the time
The activism from the sixties could have carried over into the seventies
 
Obviously, during the Vietnam War era
There was a great deal of outrage
Regarding our country’s foreign policies towards the third world

What a perfect time the mid-seventies would have been for a militia movement
Which would have been anti-imperialist,
Yet at the same time pro-N.A.T.O. and pro-Chinese containment.
Our nation’s bi-centennial might have had a slightly different flavor

Our government would have had a harder time
Conscripting people for unpopular wars
If they were already were serving in their nation’s defense       

Our marching cry would have been-
If they hit our shores
We’ll be ready to defend
But to fight imperialist wars-
NEVER AGAIN!!

I imagine you may be thinking
That our militia would have been a joke
But let me remind you of how America began

As it turned out,
It was the British Redcoats who played the fools
When they laughed at the farmers
Out drilling in the fields

It was the citizen-soldiers, not the professionals
Who would have the last laugh
At Concord, Bunker Hill,
And a host of other battles

Occasionally, after a show at the Pony Express Pizza
There would be a party

After attending one of these
I was in a really good, almost euphoric mood

I had spent my time there
Propagating my causes
And had made some inroads into public opinion

One guy just stared back at me with his mouth draped wide open

He had been in the military and was quite impressed
That someone would have the balls
To try to raise one themselves

Anyhow, after the party
Diana and I were cruising home on highway 280
When I was greeted with a most encouraging sight

The road signs were held together by bolts
Which were illuminated by lights underneath, shining upwards

The indentiture caused by one of these bolts was heart shaped,
Something illuminated quite clearly by the lights below

Viewing this, I took it as a sign that the God’s were quite pleased with me

I should explain what I mean when I say “the Gods”

I considered many animals and men
Capable of becoming more powerful after death.
I believed that the soul lived on after the body died
And that a soul could be freed
And even empowered by the passing

Once, I wanted reassurance
And so I asked of all the spirits which were out there
To be given a sign of their existence

I looked skyward and saw a Nordic God smiling at me

That was all I needed and I resumed on my way
Convinced that I was on a righteous cause

As for myself,
I was more interested in early American military history
As opposed to studying modern warfare
But I was always sure that I’d be able to find people
Who were all caught up on the latest technological advances

Back in the 1980’s
I sometimes thought it outrageous
Just how much money was being made
By weapons manufacturers and designers

Well it turned out to be money well spent
For it contributed to the collapse
Of an evil empire

Here’s a good time to thank Ronald Reagan
For his role in bringing the Cold War to an end.

Whatever else he did,
And I certainly didn’t agree with all his policies,
He stared down the Soviets
And perhaps more importantly out spent them

The fall of the Soviet Union
Ranks in my book up there with the greatest military victories of all time
Especially because, at least in Europe,
There were almost no N.A.T.O. casualties at all

Even those who aren’t religious
Should be thankful to Pope John Paul the second
For his role in aiding the Polish solidarity movement
Which was the first crack in the Soviet’s armor

Although the Soviets never did fight a war
Against N.A.T.O. forces in Central Europe,
Ralph Peters delivered a brutally realistic portrayal of one
In his classic novel “RED ARMY”

He had worked for British intelligence
Studying the Soviets and their allies

Even a handful of people like him
Would have been invaluable
If they could have been persuaded to join the cause

Myself, I had a relative
Who worked for the CIA

He said our experts knew the Soviet empire would collapse
As early as six months before they actually did

Veterans of the U.S. Military
Would not only be welcomed,
They would be held in high esteem

Naturally, our militia movement
Would be stronger in a political,
Rather than a strictly military sense

Unfortunately, I’d have lost a lot of my radical and liberal friends
Over the issue of having U.S. nuclear missles in Europe
Aimed towards the Soviets
For I would agreed with our government
That they served as a strong deterrent

I was sure that even if they were a minority,
There’d still be millions of Western Europeans
Who would welcome us

A couple of my good buddies served in Germany
One in the Army, the other in the Air Force.
I was sure that one day I’d have the privilege of serving there myself
On my own terms

Unfortunately, it was not meant to be

I made some mistakes,
Wasting my time preaching to apathetic people
Who didn’t believe that change was possible

Who thought that things were the way they were
And there was nothing to be done about it

Apparently they’d forgotten about how four lads from Liverpool
Had changed the whole world without even having to vote to do it

I’m sure my sense of style also turned some people off

You see I never subscribed to the idea
That you should only wear clothes that are in fashion

If you were to ask me, I think today’s styles are a bit dull

There’s nothing more boring
Than wearing a baseball hat backwards

No, instead I’d parade around in Napoleonic uniforms.

I could hardly afford them, they were quite expensive
But I did my best
Hitting up the costume stores and Haight Street shops

If you’ve ever seen the Stanley Kubrick film “The Duellist”
Then you know what I’m talking about

I guess I was somewhat caught up in the glory of the cause
And ignored some of the more mundane aspects of it
 
The idea itself was sound and I did my research
But sadly, I couldn’t find many converts and had to go at it alone

Now Diana was intellectual
But not in the same way I was

She agreed with many of my ideas
But my cause never became a part of her life

While I dreamt of the way things should be
She concerned herself with day to day life
And slowly we began to drift apart

Largely because I wasn’t working enough
She began to have money problems
And moved back in with her parents

I finally managed to land a couple of good jobs
But the damage was already done

The sad truth is
That after going out for three years
And living together half of that time
I’d begun to take her for granted

I sure was sorry when she left though,
It took only a couple of weeks for it to sink in-
Just how much she had meant to me

Once it did,
I was begging her to take me back
But it was a lost cause
And before long she had found another boyfriend

I’m not a big Vinnie Vincent fan
But I was playing the song “Back on the Streets”
Over and over, tears in my eyes

One of my favorite books, “EXCALIBER” by Gil Kane and John Jakes
Has many poignant scenes near it’s end
Where King Arthur and then Lancelot
Say their goodbyes to Guinevere

I was reading them over and over, savoring every word

At least I was able to survive on my own

I still worked at the library
But I also started working for USA TODAY
Delivering papers to their news racks

I amazed myself by working from 2AM to 6AM for a year and a half
While only missing two days in all that time

I also was delivering flyers for a housecleaning company.
It was an interesting job because it took me all over the peninsula

Even still, I just barely managed to pay the rent
But at least I had a roof over my head

For the first time in my life I had a car of my own
And would drive up to the woods near Huddard park
Where I’d be lost for hours in my fictional fantasy world

I’d hike up the Ridge Road.
Though it was steep, it’d take me strait up the mountain
Where I’d be greeted with an awesome view

280 was far, far below
Snaking it’s way through the hills

Though I felt sorry for the people who’d be stuck in traffic,
Who were still forced to live as a part of the rat race
I much preferred my own fantasy world

I had no doubt that I’d make it as a writer
And so my long walks in the woods, as I’d work on my stories
Actually constituted work

I had a picture once, taken from a painting,
Which depicted the small Spanish expedition
Atop Sweeney ridge in what is now San Bruno
As they discovered the bay for the first time

It was really something to marvel at,
Just how new our metropolis is to the history of the region

I worked on a story which took place on the peninsula
Concerning a Spanish soldier who deserts
And goes over to side with the natives

In my story,
The natives were more hostile to the Spanish
Than the Ohlone were in actual history
And they all rode horses

Our hero ventures out into the woods
Where he meets some natives who befriend him

They give him some sacred mushrooms
And while under their influence
He decides to side with them,
Changing his name to “A Frightened Antelope” in the process

He has to contend with Grizzly, though,
One of the native warriors who is tyrannical
And plans on using the upcoming war against the Spanish
For his own ends

Though I didn’t get all that far with this story
I did come up with a good video concept
To the tune of Elton John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”.
Here’s part of the script;

When are you gonna come down    We see our hero, who’s high on magic
                                                          mushrooms and wearing a deer’s head,
                                                          as he goes from elation to despair

When are you going to land              when he looks down upon the Spanish
                                                          Mission which he must soon return to

I should have stayed on the farm      We see natives slaving away with hoes
                                                          As Spanish soldiers guard them

I should have listened                       We see a preacher  
To my old man                                  lecturing from the pulpit

So goodbye yellow brick road          We see Spanish soldiers marching in the
                                                           woods as our hero breaks away
                                                           and escapes from them

Where the dogs of society howl        We see off duty Spanish soldiers
                                                           reveling with prostitutes                                                   

Can’t let me in your penthouse          We see a wealthy Spaniard
                                                            Gazing out from his mansion

I’ll send you back out                         Again we see Native Americans
To your plow                                      slaving away on a farm

Back to the ______                          Again we see Spanish soldiers marching
Or head out to the woods                 in the woods, this time hunting our hero
Hunt you like ______ and how        and his Native American friends

This isn’t the entire script, but I’m sure you get the idea

Though the Spanish were deplorable in their treatment of the natives
Nevertheless it can’t be denied
That the Conquistadors shared many epic adventures;

It was a most glorious day
When Christopher Columbus
First sailed from Spain

For a new land was soon discovered
Far, far away across the mighty sea

An entire new world filled with vast riches;
-an entire score of delicious fruits
which our tongues had never tasted
-and untold acres of virgin land
which until now had gone wasted

Great Glory be to God!!
For these lands were even rich in gold!!

Without hesitation we staked our claim
That these lands all belonged
To our King of Spain

Entire fleets of Galleons were soon outfitted
Our every port a swarm of bustle
Men scrambling to enlist
In spite of the hazards which surely lay ahead

It was a long, often deadly ocean voyage
Yet once ashore, we journeyed inland without fear
Even though these lands were cloaked in darkness
For the natives were dark-skinned devils
So savage that they even wore animal skins!!

We steeled our resolve
For we were morally bound to save them

And thus, with God above as a guide
And his son at our side
We traveled amongst their various tribes
Enlightening these most wretched heathens
With the Lord’s most glorious word

One of my fantasy stories
Concerned Cortes and his march
Towards the Aztec capital

Only instead of it being Tenochitan,
Their capital was instead nestled
In a Mexican replica of Yosemite Valley
Where the natives worshipped the mountains
And considered them to be alive 

The Spanish, naturally, regard this as heresy
And attempt to stamp out this foreign religion
Without ever having made an attempt to understand it

The irony of the story
Is that the mountains are indeed alive
And that Jesus Christ dwells in
And rules from the mountain
Which we call Half Dome

It’s his throne,
And the royal arches monolith,
With Washington Column as the steeple
Represents his church
With North Dome above it serving as it’s protector
                 
The Spanish, due to their intolerance
Fail to realize this

Besides working on my epic poems
I was also writing screenplays

I wanted to write, and hopefully later direct
Epic classics similar to “Braveheart”

The images in my head were crystal clear;
It was like watching movies in my own mind

Many of my film concepts were for music videos

I don’t want to give too much away
Because if this story is a success
I hope to resurrect my failed film career
But I will say this much;

I spent nine months tracking down Metallica
Because I had a film concept for the song “Fade To Black”

After all that effort,
James Hetfield only laughed in my face

Kurt Hammett was nicer;
He was polite, but informed me that they (the band)
Didn’t do videos for older songs

And therein lies half of the problem;
It’s that damned MTV!!
I don’t know who’s running the show
But they’re not selling nearly as many CD’s as they could be

There’s a whole slew of records out there
Which are gathering dust
Because the music industry hasn’t dusted off the archives

What the heck’s wrong with putting out videos
For twenty year old classics?
    
By doing so, you just might turn on new generations
To songs which they’ve never heard before
 
Anyhow, myself I had film concepts for scores of older songs

For the live version of the “Yes” song
“Don’t kill the whale”
I envisioned a battle between opposing fleets
Of 18th century man of war vessels

The song “The Gates of Delirium”,
Which is on the same album “Yesshows”,
Lends itself easily to video

Almost anybody could think up a concept video idea
To this classic which chronicles
A people who march off to a war
And then become disillusioned

Like I said, I don’t want to give too much away
But I also had film concepts
For songs such as Mr Crowley, Dream On,
Still I’m Sad (both versions of the Rainbow classic)
All along the Watchtower,
A Rainbow in the Dark (Dio) and others

As far as actual filming,
I didn’t get too far
For it was hard working without a budget

Thanks to some generous souls,
I at least acquired a few props
Such as a fake rifle and a wolf’s head

I did manage to shoot some cool scenes
For a “Dark Side of the Moon” video
And that was quite an adventure

I have to credit Moonchild
Who I recruited at a Metallica concert

It was strange filming erotic scenes with this young lady
As her mother sat in the car reading her Bible

And then there was Diana,
Who I met up at the college.
I filmed a few scenes with her as my leading lady
But like I said, it was hard filming
When I had no money

My career came crashing down suddenly
The day I arranged a film shoot at Washington Park

My pair of leading ladies had spent hours
Putting on their make-up
And they were dressed up in sexy outfits
But the numbnuts who were supposed to show up
With the video camera never materialized

I could have understood
If it had been a family emergency
Or something important
But when I asked them later
Why they hadn’t showed up
They didn’t give me any reason at all

They had simply changed their minds about helping out

I was furious!!

There we all were, waiting for hours in the park
For a couple of flakes who had sounded energetic just the day before

The two would-be actresses told me to give them a call
When I got my s**t together
But I hadn’t the heart for filming anymore

I died a lot that day
Along with the faith I had had
In my fellow man

At least I still had other creative outlets

One time I hiked all the way back from Half Moon Bay

I had hopped on the last bus, on a whim, at the last moment
And arrived over there about five in the evening

I then spent hours trying to hike up Scarper Peak on dirt roads
But kept arriving at dead ends

It was awfully creepy especially when the coyotes in the distance were howling
And so I eventually gave up and headed back to highway 92

Even from there it was a good three hour hike
And I didn’t get back home till about six in the morning

It was both an exhausting ordeal, yet also a great adventure

I met Eric, a co-worker at the library
Who was really interested in tribal drumming

We talked of how fun it would be
If we could get some people together on the beach
And have a huge bonfire
With people dancing around it
To the beat of some tribal drumming

I was honest and told him
That the experience wouldn’t be complete for me
Unless I was wearing some cool boots and a deer’s head
He didn’t trip

Not much came of our plans
Because we couldn’t find enough people
Who were willing to go along

That was a problem with many of my plans
Finding like-minded people who weren’t flaky

I often think of how different my life would have been
If I had lived up in San Francisco

The suburbs were a little bit too tame for my tastes
And finding people with radical political views
Was very hard indeed down here

One of the reasons why I never moved up there
Was simple economics.
I’ve always been just a step above homeless,
If even that-
And I sure wouldn’t have wanted to be homeless up there

In any case, the suburbs were much more livable
Once the eighties ended

It was like a stack of cards falling down
-the end of that decade;

There was the the fall of the preachers
Who had held so much political sway

The demise of Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggart
Was most embarrassing
And cast skepticism on organized religion

The Iran-Contra scandal likewise
Cast doubts on our government’s cold war policies

A couple of years later, they were largely a moot point anyhow
As the Soviet empire crumbled and the Berlin Wall was brought down

These events, though wondrous for many people
Stuck a dagger into my own personal plans

For years I had tried to raise a militia
In the hopes of joining N.A.T.O.
And the in the defense of Western Europe

Now Western Europe was no longer gravely threatened

I was of no mind to abandon my cause
But it had lost much of it’s political punch

I mentioned how I was having a hard time finding converts;
It was hard enough finding people who agreed with me
And yet I was looking for at least a few die-hards
Who were willing to change their entire lives

I envisioned a community living frugally
In the woods of Northern California

We would re-create history
By staging American Revolutionary war battles
But also train as a modern militia

Hopefully we’d be able to entice at least a few professors
So that they could give lectures
For I had no intention of allowing our soldiers
To remain ignorant of foreign policy
And our past history

I’ve seen some horror stories
Relating to the cracks in our educational system

In the back of the bus
I’ve talked to Hispanics strait from Mexico City
Who didn’t even know who Cortes was

Once I had a friend
Who didn’t even know who had fought who in World War Two

He didn’t know a darned thing about that colossal conflict

The way that he described it,
His teachers were boring
But also there was too much gang activity
Which he had to contend with
And so he never had the concentration to pay attention in class

Needless to say, education would be a top priority
There’s no way our soldiers would be going off to fight
In parts of the world
Which they knew nothing about

With time at my disposal, I thought a great deal
About how boot camp was set up
In the modern military
And whether or not there were alternative ways
In which men and women
Could be trained for combat

Boot Camp in the 1980’s
Was toned down from what it had been
During the Vietnam War
And understandably so
For back then graduates were going directly into combat

Nevertheless, a stay at Parris Island
Or some other godforsaken place
Could be a brutal experience

The whole idea is to shear off the identity
Of the recruit
And to break him or her down

That’s the first step.
Then throughout the rest of the training,
The recruit is made to feel
As if he or she has a sense of purpose
As a part of the team

They are expected to feel proud of themselves
Because they made it;
They are now Marines or Army Rangers
Or Navy Seals or what have you

Perhaps I’ve grown more conservative in my old age
But I feel as though,
If a horrible war were to break out
Say in Korea,
And I felt called to the conflict,
I could almost throw myself on the mercy of the US Army
And ask them if they couldn’t help steer me to the fighting

I’m overage and not in the best of health
And would probably be turned down if I tried to enlist now
But all I’m saying is that I could probably deal with
A stint in the US Army at this stage of my life

But not back then, not in my early twenties

It had only been recently that I had broken out of my shell
And had discovered how I wanted to live my life

I wasn’t about to give up my new found identity
And surrender all my dignity as a human being
To be treated like a maggot by the DI
Before ever even getting near a battlefield

One of Stanley Kubrick’s films was entitled “Full Metal Jacket”
Many would call this a Vietnam War epic
But I felt that the most alarming and frightening scenes
Occurred in the first forty minutes of the film
Which dealt with the horrors of Paris Island
The Marine Corps training base in South Carolina
One of the recruits is singled out because of his obesity
And put through a most harrowing ordeal

In the end he flips out and blows away the Drill Instructor
Before killing himself

Though only a small part of the film,
These opening scenes captured a horror
Which to me back then seemed far worse than death

The stripping away of one’s identity while one still lived

I can’t say that I’ve ever been raped.
Nevertheless being forced to stand at attention
While in my underwear,
Half asleep at some ungodly hour
By beloved locks shorn from me-

I’d have to say that I’d have felt mighty violated
It’s like when you’re taken to jail and strip-searched
When you have to bend over and open wide
Maybe it’s not actual rape but it’s something close

In any case, when I thought of how
Recruits to the militia should be groomed for combat
The traditional boot camp methods couldn’t have applied

I was already asking a great deal
When I invited strangers essentially
To accompany me into the woods

Not many people at all
Would surrender to me, or anyone else
The power that one relinquishes
When entering boot camp as a shaved-headed recruit
Open to exploitation

One thing which I knew I had on my side was time
I never took it for granted
And tried to move quickly
Lest it run out

Nevertheless, when I first set out to raise the militia
There was no major war going on in the world
Involving American troops

Although in the American Revolution
The leaders had to contend with the raising
Of an army while the war was being fought
It was obviously to my advantage
That I was recruiting in a time of relative peace
For that gave me a chance
To experiment with different ideas
Of how men and women should be trained for combat

I saw the first step
As the establishment of a basis of trust
Between the recruit and the militia

This was all the more important
Because we were admittedly, a fledgling organization

One of the ways in which I tried to reach out
To my generation was through my artwork

I thought up a couple of film ideas
Which I hoped would at least get people thinking
Of military training

“Born Again” was the last great Black Sabbath album in my collection

Although it’s cover is a grotesque image
Of a demonic baby,
If you get past that, it really is a great album

For the title track “Born Again”
It was all to easy to imagine
A Berserker Warrior boot camp
Nestled out in the forest

I don’t think I even need to write a screenplay
I’m sure any fellow Metalhead can imagine
Something similar to what I was fantasing about
When I listen to that classic song

Needless to say, it was very inspirational
With all it’s dreams of tattered glory

At the end of the song,
The Warriors put all their training to good use
As they successfully assault a bristling fortress

I had a similar theme in mind
With my video concept for Jimi Hendrix’s
All along the Watchtower
With the exception being
That this Berserker boot camp
Was both repressive and tyrannical
And the poor recruits
Were living in fear of their lives
From the sadistic Drill Instructors

This was definitely a lesson about abusive power run amok

Before the music plays
There’s a brief scene
In which a Berserker Drill Instructor
Is inspecting a line up of his troops

Just behind him, one of his thugs is brandishing a club
And appears all to eager to begin using it

         Berserker Drill Instructor
        
Suck in that gut!!

He shouts this at one of the hapless recruits.
The Thug then whacks the Recruit
Hard in the belly with his club
Causing the Recruit to bend over in pain

           Berserker Drill Instructor

          Stand up straight!!

The Berserker Drill Instructor shouts even louder
At the keeled over Recruit
The Thug then whacks the recruit with an upper cut
Sending the Recruit sprawling

The way I intended to prepare my fellow Americans
To kill, if need be
Was to encourage an understanding
Of just how horrific
Some of these so called “Communist” states
Had been in this last century
And to encourage hatred for these regimes

Let’s not forget
That neither the USSR nor Chairman Mao’s China
Were true Communist states

In true Communism, of course,
The leaders have no privileges over the common person

A far cry from the bleak reality.

For myself, all that it took
Was a reading of the James Michener book “The Bridge at Andau”
Which chronicles the failed Hungarian uprising of 1956

Once I overcame the depression
Which accompanied such somber reading
I was fired up and ready to fight.

Filled with anger, not for any group of people
Who just happened to be East German, or Russian or Chinese
But at the Governments in this cruel world
Which attempt
And far too often have succeeded
In extinguishing the human spirit

I was even willing to go Orwellian
And to reconvene “Hatred Sessions”
In which the recruits, (not draftees, mind you)
Would enrage themselves into a furor
Over what had transpired
In this most tyrannical of centuries

Once again, I wouldn’t encourage hatred
Towards the East German, Russian
Or Chinese soldiers
Just towards the regimes they fought for

If this sounds frightening to you
Try this on for size

During the Second World War
There were many American Soldiers
Who marched off to battle with their peers
But who wouldn’t fire at the enemy
Once the battle was joined

They weren’t cowards.
They were taking the same risks
As everyone else
But they couldn’t bring themselves
To fire on the enemy

When the Army Brass became aware of this
They altered the way
In which they trained recruits in boot camp
And increased the emphasis on killing
“Kill, Kill, Kill”
The words were drummed into the recruits endlessly
And not surprisingly they responded

I was definitely faced with a Catch 22
When it came to the issue of preparing people for combat

If the training regimen wasn’t hardcore enough
We’d be accused of being soft

If on the other hand, it were too hardcore
It would scare people away

I thought back to the days
When I still played high school football

Just before the game began,
When the opposing teams
Were still in their prospective locker rooms
The players would start to get all fired up
Banging their shoulders into one another and whatnot

Well, just as football itself is a metaphor for war
I saw that this too could be used
As a type of military training-
A means of preparing oneself for combat

Just as leaders are needed in any huddle,
I figured the militia would need some charismatic madmen
To get them all fired up to fight

I’m sure it was just
The macho recklessness of my youth speaking,
Fueled by large doses of Heavy Metal music
But I was much impressed
By tales of the Berserker Warriors
Way back about a thousand years ago

Of how they’d be so high
On moldy foods which produced psychedelic hallucinations
That they’d actually jump off their Viking Warships
And attempt to run across the open ocean
To attack other vessels

I don’t know if you’ve read about
How it was that the Normans
Came to conquer England in 1066.
It’s an interesting story I assure you

During a battle at Stamford bridge
A lone Berserker Warrior held off an entire army
Slaying forty of his foes
Before he himself was taken down

Needless to say,
I was also greatly influenced by the Native Americans

I shouldn’t have to say much about them
We all know of how they rose up
For their defiant last stand upon the plains

They fought,
Even though they knew the cause was hopeless
Out of a thirst for revenge
And out of bitterness and hatred

And they fought damn well,
Not as Soldiers, but as Tribal Warriors

Admittedly our militia
Would have been in a chaotic state
Especially when it first convened

I imagine in the opening phases
It would have much resembled
The rabble which surrounded Boston in 1775
Or that which assembled in New York a year later

Needless to say,
It would have been in dire need of strong leaders
Who could have wrought some organization
Or at least cooperation out of civilians
Who arrived with their friends
Expecting to be able to elect their own officers

There’d be recruits from the inner cities
As well as the suburbs
And the leaders would be hard pressed
To discover just where the limits
Of their authority lay

As far as marching music was concerned
The band “Triumph” would have been close to the top of the list

They weren’t the greatest musicians
(although they were quite good)
But it was their lyrics and their overall message
Which really carried over

“Never Surrender” and “Fight the Good Fight”
were both inspirational rock anthems

I would have taken up Dave Mustaine
(from the band  Megadeath) on his offer

Remember how he sang
“If there was a new way,
I’d be the first in line
But it’d better work this time”

Well I would have taken him up on that.
I have a feeling he would have come through
Dave doesn’t seem like an apathetic person.
Not by a long shot

Remember the RUSH classic “Something for Nothing”
My favorite part goes;

“What you own is your own kingdom
What you do is your own glory
What you love is your own power
What you live is your own story

In your head be the answer
Let it guide you along
Let your heart
Be the anchor
And the beat of your song”

I’d like to film a video
Just for that part of the song
Though short, it would be powerful

So was the Rolling Stones classic “Street Fighting Man”
That would have been our main marching song
“For the time is right for (violent) revolution

Another anthem was Steppenwolf’s “Monster”
This classic was ten minutes long
It starts off;

“Once the religious
The hunted and weary
Chasing the promise of freedom and hope
Came to this country
To build a new vision
Far from the reaches
Of kingdom and pope

…………….burning witches
Later some got slaves to gather riches
But America, to seek America
They came by thousands,
The melting pot”

The song chronicles parts of our nation’s history
Then fast forwards to the tumultuous sixties

“Our cities have turned into jungles
And corruption is strangling the land
The police force is watching the people
And the people just can’t understand
 
We don’t know how to mind our own business
Because the whole world’s got to be just like us
Now we are fighting a war over there
No matter who wins,
You know we can’t afford the cost”

By far the best part of the song though
Is the inspirational ending

America,
Where are you now?
Don’t you care about your sons and daughters?
Don’t you know we need you now
We can fight a war against the Monster
America!!

Needless to say, this would be
A most inspirational marching song

I’m sure you remember the Scott McKenzie tune

“If you’re going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair”

Well, I would have changed the lyrics just a bit;

If you’re going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some feathers in your hat
If you’re going to San Francisco
You’re going to find
Some pissed off people there”

Besides the serious issues
There would be plenty of fun things to do;
Horseback riding, paintball wars, campfires
And maybe even dancing at night

I went to a Renaissance fair
Hoping to find recruits
But it didn’t work out

I also went to a Civil War Re-enactment
Down in Felton (near Santa Cruz) on Memorial Day

It was very interesting
But perhaps I gave up too easily
Because I didn’t find any recruits there either

Meanwhile, back in the suburbs
The apathy was astounding

I wasted my breath at many a party
With people who simply wrote me off as crazy

On New Years Eve,
Just before the first Gulf War
A couple of my friends and I
Went to a club in Niles Canyon over in Fremont

I shouldn’t have expected much
In the way of intellectual discourse that night
It being New Years Eve and all
But even still I was pissed off
At just how apathetic most of the people there
Appeared to be

I found a cool feather
For my Napoleonic style hat
And started goose-stepping

Unbenoxed to me, for it happened behind me
A young lady ducked her head down
And started heading in my direction
Throwing wild punches

As I wheeled about to give a Fascist salute
I knocked her down without even knowing
That I had done so

If I had had a chance to talk to her
Perhaps I could have set her mind at ease
For I was certainly not a Nazi or a racist

My goose-stepping was merely an outlet
For the anger I felt as a result of my cause being ignored.

Later that night I had a run-in
With a guy who was wearing an ARMY t-shirt
Who was wearing brass knuckles and was chanting “USA, USA”

As I whipped out my stun gun and my mace
I was promptly exited from the bar

I wanted to avoid a conflict with this fool,
Who was also kicked out of the club
So I went to a house party nearby
Hoping to call the police

Some of the guys at the party
Started questioning me though,
As to whether I was opposed to the First Gulf War
Which was then looming

They were full ready to kick my *ss themselves,
Thinking that I was a Liberal

I made a quick exit from there
And finally hooking up with my ride
Was able to split the scene,
Marking it down as a dangerous,
Though interesting evening

Since I had a car,
And my friend Paul had the money
We went to a lot of places back then

We bought season passes at Great America
Which proved to be well worthwhile;
What could beat the awesome roller coasters at that park

But mostly we went to a lot of concerts
Seeing plenty of Glam bands
Which we didn’t much care for
In the hopes of meeting women at the shows

One of the great bands we saw was Y&T.
They were local, from the S.F. bay area
And it seemed that they were always touring around here

At a show of theirs at the Manteca Waterslides
We came across this guy
Who was kicking and throwing
His nice leather jacket around

When we trailed behind him
Trying to see what was up,
He started throwing money at us!!

We followed him around for awhile
Becoming richer in the process

Inside the show itself,
I ran into Michele, an old acquaintance

We had merely been friends
Back when I knew her before
But it seemed now that she wanted something more

In between making out with her,
I bared my soul, telling her all about my cause
And my hopes and dreams

I thought the night could be
The beginning of a relationship
But when I called her a few days later
She was as cold as ice

The way I figured it,
She probably had a boyfriend all along
And was just taking a break from him
On the night of the show

Either way it was pretty lame of her
To have teased me to the extent she had
Freaking B*tch!!

Another time we were at yet another Y&T show
At the Stone on New Years Eve
As the band began counting down the seconds
Before the New Year began
I felt someone’s hand in my rear pants pocket

As I turned around to look
I was suddenly smothered in a woman’s kiss!!

I gotta admit it felt real good
And I enjoyed the sensation for a few seconds
But then my mind kicked into gear
And I began to wonder who this stranger was
With her tongue down my throat

When I pulled away to gather my bearings
She got all upset and left in a huff.
Oh well, that’s the breaks

Even though I didn’t care all that much
For Bon Jovi’s band
Paul and I scored big when we went to his show
For we ran into Charlene and her sister

The four of us went on a couple of interesting dates
But then I blew it
By trying to stretch a double into a triple

It happened after a show at the Omni in Oakland
I can’t remember who played
But I do remember meeting one of the band members
From the group “Exodus”

He was friendly and open to discussing ideas
But before long he took off, all pissed off,
Convinced that I was a fascist

I gotta admit I was well on my way to becoming one,
So pissed off was I
At only being ignored and ridiculed
For my grand ideas

I wasn’t about to do anything criminal
But I got to admit that at this time in my life
I began to enjoy wicked fantasies

I’d imagine that a horrible war would break out
And that my militia would, by then, be an established entity

Draftees would have a choice of joining the militia
Or the other armed forces  

The point is that if they joined the militia
I would have given the apathetic ones hell.

As a drill instructor,
I would have been in their faces screaming obscenities
And berating them for not giving a damn

I was well on my way to being a want-to-be tyrant

Anyhow, after the show, the four of us were parked
And were making out
Everything going good
Until I tried to get under my dates’ dress

She had come prepared though,
And was wearing a super tight pair of pantyhose
Which was more than enough to thwart my probing fingers

Less than impressed
With my ungentlemanly ways,
She broke off our next date

Paul and I didn’t give up though
And we went to see Cinderella next

We saw the Bangles,
I mean what the heck, since they were playing at Great America
And we had season passes
It only cost us five dollars to get in

There weren’t many women at the show though.
Mostly just young girls who had come with their parents
At least they had one really good song-“Eternal Flame”

Heck, we even went to see Poison
I mean yuck!! Those guys were terrible!
 
I had to admit, though,
Those guys knew how to appeal to women

I’m not exaggerating when I say
That there were at least eight women
For every guy at the show

Paul made out like a bandit.
He was with a new-found girlfriend
When she left him
So that she could use the restroom

No sooner did she leave him
Than another lady comes along and mugs him

The way he described it
He eventually had to come up for air
Or else she was going to strangle him

Paul did the right thing
And stuck with the girl he was with in the first place,
Though he had regrets about it later on

After the girl who had mugged him
Had moved on
Some guy came up to him
“I gotta shake your hand,
I don’t know how you do it, but you’re good!!”

What “did it” for Paul
Was largely his haircut
He had this poofed up hair
Which I thought looked ridiculous
But which the women just loved

As for me, I didn’t see much action
Instead I just hung out with this girl I met
But only in a friendly sort of way

One of the few concerts
Which we actually attended
Because of love for the music
Was Ozzy Ozbourne at the tail end of the eighties

I call it the reunion concert
Because so many people from Burlingame showed up

Buddy was there
And putting our past differences behind us,
We shook hands and made good

Diana was also there.
I never had the pleasure of laying eyes upon her
But my friends all saw her
And her boyfriend, I might add

After the show
Ozzy was signing autographs
And so I waited in line with everyone else
I didn’t have anything that I needed signed
But I wanted to hand him a screenplay

Well, as it turned out,
When I went to hand the script to Ozzy
He flipped out, almost falling backwards off of his chair
As he called for security!
Madman indeed!!

I didn’t always strike out
For I did meet Shari
And we had a good time
For the few weeks
In which we were going out

But then I asked her if she wanted to be
In one of my films

She must have gotten the wrong idea
And thought that I was talking about a porno
Because that’s the last I ever heard from her
It’s too bad because she was interesting and artistic

As far as Paul was concerned
His party ended when he contracted mononucleosis
As he lay in bed for two months trying to recover
He kept saying to himself over and over
Never Again!!

I mentioned how I was delivering newspapers
Well, getting in and out of the car sixty times a day
Really began to take a toll on my back
And I began having muscle spasms.
It got so bad that I could hardly walk

My parents had often talked about the prospects
Of me going back to college.
Now I was willing to take them up on their offer

I didn’t see it as though I had much of a choice
For with my back killing me
I was unable to work

Nevertheless, returning to school was a good experience
I picked up some easy A’s in Algebra
Which was really just a review
Of what I had taken in high school

I took a cool Cultural Anthropology class
And I even took Fashion Design

It was fun while it lasted,
Being the only guy in the class
Surrounded by women

I took it because I wanted to learn
How to make my own period costumes
From the American Revolution and Napoleonic eras

The class didn’t work out for me
Because as our major project
We had to design a store-front window
And my idea of finding a willing store
In the Haight-Asbury wouldn’t have worked,
It was just too far away

I took an excellent History class
Taught by Martin Suto
And also an Introduction to Political Science
Taught by Greg Davis

What I liked so much about that class
Was that it was largely theoretical

We’d be asked, as an example,
Suppose you were stranded on a desert island
With twenty other people
What type of government would you form?
What would you expect from each individual?

I’ll never forget spring break
When Paul and I took a bus up to Reno.
We received round trip bus fare,
And a two night stay at a hotel
All for only forty bucks each

The first night we were there
Paul got drunk and wandered off

When he showed up later at the hotel
He had a young lady under each arm
And a whole bucketful of quarters!!

I couldn’t believe it!
I had thought that gambling was for suckers
But I was wrong, at least on that occasion

There was a mid-term which I had to write
But I still had plenty of time
To have a good time

I wasn’t much into gambling but
It was a lot of fun parading around
In my Napoleonic-style hat

They didn’t care for it at Harrahs
Where I was quickly exited from the premises
But at John Asquaga’s Nugget
The security never even gave me a second glance

What made the trip all the better
Was that I aced the mid-term

Though I had a few successes
My life was for the most part
Heading downhill in a hurry

With every passing day
The devil had more power over me
I even started seeing demons

Once, when I was on a trail
A demon appeared in a ravine below me.
Foolishly, I felt myself safe
Since I was, after all, far above him

And then there was that epic hike I went on
Where I started in Muir Woods
And hiked all the way to the top of Mount Tamapais

I had just reached the crest
And as I looked over
I saw a stag with a huge set of antlers
I swear I felt as if he knew he was being admired

Later, after crossing a creek
I saw another demon
No doubt they were closing in on me

If I were a better writer
I could better describe the power
Which the spirits in the forest had over me

Instead, the best I can do
Is recommend the song “Still Life” by Iron Maiden
Which is about a man slowly becoming possessed.
It about sums it up

It was only natural that I should have become bitter
At having been laughed at so many times for my ideas

Whereas I had thought that I had had
A lot to offer society,
What with the militia and all,
Instead I had only been ridiculed

One of the outcomes of the anger I felt
Was that I became sexually irresponsible

I’m not sure if that’s the proper way to put it
I’ve never heard a guy talk about this type of thing before
But I began to shy away from thoughts of intercourse
And began to dream of being on the receiving end
Of oral sex instead

The main reason for the change
Was that I started to fear the contracting of disease.
What had happened to Paul was a wake up call for me.
I also feared an unwanted pregnancy

Though I wasn’t about to keep my peter in it’s pocket
I was on the lookout for a woman
Who would go Monica Lewinski on me

It was very selfish of me, I know
But at the time I hardly cared

As I became more frustrated with the women I met
I delved deeper into pornography
Until it became a serious problem

I began hanging out at a disreputable bar
Where many of the women were very loose

I had hardly even entered the place
Before this girl came up and kissed me

I had thought it pretty cool
Until I realized that she did this
To half of the guys in the bar

Poor girl, I still feel sorry for her,
She must have been insecure to have acted that way
Like she owned everyone there

One Halloween night I dressed up like a woman
And headed to the place just before it closed

I met up with this lady
Who said there was a party afterwards

What followed was like being in a real-life porno video

Her friend met a guy on a motorcycle
Just as the bar was closing
Her reply?
“Nice bike”

I don’t believe the two of them even exchanged names
The next thing I know, we were all in a hot tub
With the two of them humping right in front of us

When my date found out what I was looking for
She was hella pissed off though

She cussed me out majorly  
And for a while I swore off women altogether

The next time I did meet a woman
,this was some time later,
She took me to a castle in Pacifica
Where she tried to cast a spell of lust on me

Once I found out she was a witch
I didn’t want to have anything to do with her

And then I met Hiroko up at the college
She loved my stories and my cause
And couldn’t get enough of it

Unfortunately I didn’t share the same feelings for her.
I had become bitter because of my failures
And didn’t have any love left for anyone

We went on a few trips to the Sierra Nevada
Where we had loveless sex out in the woods
The next thing I know she’s pregnant!!

It took me by surprise but I’m not sure
How much of a difference it would have made anyhow
I wasn’t anywhere close to being capable
Of being a good father at the time

Hiroko loved birds and had quite a few
So my budgie had some friends
When I moved in with her

A friend of hers bred birds
And had a couple of hundred of them
At her house in San Bruno

She was friends with the band “Motorhead”
And so she got us backstage
When they played at an old converted warehouse in the city

It was quite a funny experience;
I was trailing Lemmy around
Trying to talk military issues with him
(Lemmy, the lead singer of the band, was quite a history buff)

Meanwhile, while he’s blowing me off,
He’s trailing around my girlfriend,
Trying to hit on her.
I wasn’t too worried
Because she wasn’t showing much interest in him

I finally got to Lemmy on one issue though;
He kept saying that all militaries are essentially the same
And that you couldn’t raise one
Which was radically different from all the others

But I brought up the issue of the great wars
Which were fought out on the Great Plains
Where the Native American warriors were radically different
In training and organization
From the cavalry which eventually defeated them

He had to think a bit on that one

In any case,
It was a kick *ss concert once they started playing
Especially from my vantage point behind the curtain
With the band almost close enough to touch

As the pregnancy advanced
I threw the future of my family on the mercy of my mom
And she was gracious enough
To allow us to move in with her

It wasn’t too surprising
After all, she was living all alone
In that big house
But still it was good of her to take us in

It should have been a new beginning for me
The Lord knows everyone else
Was excited about the new baby who was coming

We never went to have an ultrasound test
Hiroko and I both felt instinctively
That it would be a boy
A son to whom I would teach only bitterness and hatred

I named him Gazelle, which isn’t surprising
Because I was still going by “A Frightened Antelope” at the time
(At least in my own mind,
 I didn’t bother explaining the change to everyone else)
But I was well on my way to becoming “A Bludgeoned Soul”
Which was my next nominal incarnation

There was a picture taken of me back then
Where I’m wearing a mini-skirt and lingerie
But I’m brandishing the infamous machete
And have a psycho look on my face

It kinda summed up how I was feeling at the time

I took some mushrooms
And spent about four hours strait
Just listening to two songs over and over again
Refining the video images
Which I saw in my head

For the first half of the song “Layla”

“Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I beg you darling please”

I imagined a dominatrix prowling around a dungeon
With her trusty whip in hand
Occasionally striking out at a hapless victim

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard
Of the band “Badfinger” but
George Harrison helped discover them
And signed them up with Apple Records

One of their hits was “Baby Blue”

“Did you really think I’d do you wrong,
Dixie, when I let you go”

It’s really sick
And it shows just how much of an influence
Satan had in my life at the time
But to this bittersweet song
I imagined a sadist chasing around beautiful women
And then slashing them up

“Did you really think
That I would know,
That I would show,
The special love I have for you
My Baby Blue”

To this part of the song,
The sadist slices open a lady,
Takes out her still beating heart
And begins eating it

Yep, I was one sick puppy back then,
That is for sure

Back at the library
When the place was closed down for the holidays
I was given a key
So I could gather the books
From the book drop outside
And bring them in

I’ve got to admit I was awfully tempted
To do something wild and crazy
Since I had the place to myself

It cracked me up
When someone showed to me
The mysterious foot prints which you could clearly make out
On the dusty tops of the magazine shelves

I’m not going to name names
But somebody else
Who was working all alone on a holiday
Felt compelled to jump off from the balcony
And run across the tops of the shelves

Nobody was hurt and no damage was done
It was just that person’s way
Of getting a cheap thrill

I guess that’s what I also got
When I dressed up like a lady
And danced around the place

It’s not like I was breaking any laws
It’s not as if I were naked or anything

Actually I did steal a few books though.
Fortunately it never got too out of hand
And in the nine years I worked there
I stole only five books

Nevertheless, it was admittedly lame and selfish of me
And needless to say I returned them all
Later in my life after I underwent a religious conversion

Hiroko was psychic about me and my life
And could see what surrounded
What was left of my soul

When she saw my young spirit
Alone amongst the demons of the woods
She could see another presence there protecting me.
We later agreed that it must have been my mother
Who never left me far from her prayers

Hiroko had a re-occurring vision
In which she saw me crash

I’d be driving along a mountain highway
When demons would distract me
Causing me to lose control

The scenario was all the more believable
For even I would have to admit
I’d often get distracted
As I drove through the beautiful forests

Hiroko had an even more psychic cousin living in Japan

On a visit, she showed her cousin a picture of me
And asked where the source was
For the evil in my life

When they pulled out a map
Her cousin pointed to Merced, CA.
This was a significant find
For Merced is a gateway to that all important valley
In the high sierra

Hiroko and I were married on Friday the 13th, by the way
Quite by accident I can assure you

In any case, I don’t see it as a bad thing
But unfortunately the wedding itself was a joke.
I didn’t have a thought of fidelity in my head
The only thing I wanted was revenge
For the humiliation I had received
For daring to stand up for a revolutionary cause
The prospect of raising a child was less than an afterthought
I didn’t plan on sticking around long enough
In this life I mean

That being said,
We did at least share a nice romantic walk in the redwoods
After the ceremony

The stories I dealt with in this time in my life
Mostly revolved around slave revolts

Heavily inspired by Alex Haley’s “Roots”
I wrote a poem called “Kunta’s Dream”
It goes something like this;

If you can imagine Kunta Kinte is in his slave hut
When he hears the sound of a beating drum
And he knows it’s a signal
For an uprising or an escape attempt

Well here goes;

Brave Mandinka Warriors
You are not alone
The village of Juffure
Was also our home

We, too, were brought in the great canoe
From our lands across the sea
We have prayed almighty Allah
Let him grant us victory

Hear the beat of the drum and gather
For did we not once dance together friend around the fire

We have prayed and fasted
Scorned the pig meat served us by the Toobob
On their tin plate
For though we have been brought here
To serve as slaves

Still we must defy the Toobob
Who with his puny whip and chain
Has designs to hold us
In these dark huts beside his house

Rise now and we shall fight these pagan beasts
Who would have us toil their fields

Rise now and we shall become one again
For we have stolen weapons
And studied well his weakness

We gather now
In this darkened hour
With him bundled against the cold
 
We’ll march through mud and snow
And by morning fall upon him
In all our numbers
Using his own weapons against him

Follow now then
The beat of the drum
But be weary to bring your friend along
For the man who feels himself unclear
Will surely betray us to his master
Out of fear

Needless to say I could never have written
Such an awesome poem
Let’s just say that it was written through me by a higher power
Though at the time I didn’t realize this

I was stoked that I had a new poem to recite
But so far I’ve been frustrated
When I try to relate the tragedy
Of Toussaint Le Overture
And the birth of Haiti

As bad as our own history of slavery was
It still doesn’t come close to relating
To the absolutely brutal form of chattel slavery
Which existed in St Dominique (Haiti)
Back when the French still owned the colony

St Dominique was the most prosperous colony
In all of the new world
Yet the French drove their field hands mercilessly.
The harsh climate was also unforgiving.

Not surprisingly the slaves rose up in 1791
No doubt inspired at least in part
By the American and French revolutions
Which had recently occurred, shaking the foundations
Of power in the world

It was a confusing struggle,
Largely because there were so many sides involved

There were the whites,
Some wealthy plantation owners,
Some poor, some indentured servants

Naturally there were also the black slaves
And in between were the Mulattos,
Those people of mixed ancestry

Spain, France and Great Britain
All became involved and played off one another

Napoleon himself, the bastard, sent 50,000 troops
In an effort to re-institute slavery
Half of whom never returned to Europe.
Many having succumbed to disease

In short, the slaves managed to win their freedom
But in the process of doing so
They burned down most of the plantations
And killed off almost all of the white people in the colony

The new nation of Haiti found itself isolated,
And surrounded by hostile slave owning countries
Which refused to trade with her

What followed were a series of coups
And military dictatorships
Which continue even to this day

Even in my soul-less state
I could see that by helping the needy people
Of that beleaguered country
We’d not only be doing a good deed
But we’d also be making amends
For our own history of slavery

I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine
That even Rush Limbaugh himself
Could make a success of himself
If he had been born instead, in that troubled land
Where severe de-forestation
Has led to the washing away
Of the soil’s nutrients

We’re talking about a nation
With 70% unemployment,
Where the per-capita income
Is far less than even a dollar a day

Even just a little bit of money
Would go a long way in that land

By coming to their aid,
We’d even be doing ourselves a favor
By creating new jobs

An even more gruesome subject matter which I immersed myself in
Was the war between Germany and Russia
Which was waged between 1941 and 1945

Almost half of the people who died in all of World War Two
Were killed on that one front alone

One thing that conflict shows us
Is just how ridiculous all this talk
About the political left and right wings
Can be at times

Whether Hitler’s regime was on the right
And Stalin’s on the left
Doesn’t appear to matter all that much

There sure wasn’t that much of a difference between them
They were both tyrannical, murderous and imperialist regimes

When I listened to the classic Black Sabbath song
“Dirty Women”
I didn’t imagine a song about prostitution

Instead I changed some of the lyrics
And dreamt up images of the Eastern Front

“The neon lights are shining on again,
I walk the lonely streets in search of a friend”
Became “The Russian guns are firing off again,
I scour the battlefield in search of a friend”

“Out on the streets I watch tomorrow become into day”
Became “I long to re-enter the fray”

The first part of the video in my head
Could have been construed as being anti-war
For it certainly didn’t glorify the conflict

“I need a lady to help me
To get through the night”
Became “I need a way to stop the creepies
From creeping at night”
As we see a shell-shocked soldier cracking up
Until finally he blows his own brains out

The second half of the video
Definitely glorified armored warfare, however

Da, Da, dadada  Da, Da, dadada
I took the beautiful, uplifting part of the song
And defiled it by imagining panzers plowing through villages
And over hapless soldiers.
That was about the state that I was in at the time

Back up at the college
I recruited yet another young lady
For yet another film project

This one had the potential to be a cult classic
Though in a dark and evil sort of way

The premise was, that a guy befriends a lady
And takes her deep into the woods
Where he turns psycho and imprisons her

She manages to escape and to find a knife
But, as he continues to chase after her,
She’s forced to bring out her inner animal
Just in order to survive his attacks

The punch line is, that the guy doesn’t really want to hurt her
But instead, is using the whole experience
As a form of warrior training

In the end, after she’s brought to a rabid state
He suddenly turns normal and congratulates her
On having passed the training class!!
She’s now a warrior

Now, of course it would be criminal
To actually do such a horrible thing
To an innocent person
And I in no way advocate such a training regimen

Nevertheless, it was an interesting plot
For a low budget movie

The main problem was
That I was unraveling,
Being driven insane by demons

I kept changing the script on a deadly basis
And eventually the starlet got wise,
Saw that I was nuts,
And took off running

Hiroko and I went on a couple of trips to the Sierras
Which, when I look back on them now,
Seem bittersweet and melancholic

We went to Yosemite
Where we had a picture taken of us
Near the Devil’s Elbow, a bend in the Merced River

It’s very creepy because in the background,
In the midst of this dead forest
Is a demon which appears ready to devour me

On another trip we drove up highway 4
To beautiful Lake Alpine

The next day we drove even further up the highway
To this lake which we both felt was haunted
We named it Galudia Lake
After a fictional dragon
Which we imagined lived in the depths

Eventually the big day came
And my son was born
Just two days away from my own birthday
And five days from Hiroko’s

About the time that he entered into the world
I was busy stuffing my head with pancakes

It’s not as bad as it sounds.
I had stayed up all night at the hospital
And by four thirty in the morning I was starved,
I simply had to get something to eat

I definitely have to thank Joe for keeping the vigil with me,
At least as long as it lasted 
He was the only one of my friends
Who was available that night

I also can’t forget Todd
Who was the best man at our wedding

Naturally my son was quite out of it
For the first couple of weeks after he was born
But eventually he grew accustomed
To life outside the womb

Though I didn’t believe in Jesus Christ at the time,
I allowed my mother to baptize him as a Catholic
I felt as though it was the least that we could do for her

I have to admit though, during the ceremony
I just couldn’t wait to get back
To the Raiders-Jets game

Sadly, in all of the first six months of his life
There are only two memories which really stick out

I took my son Gazelle into the wooded backyard
But then couldn’t handle it when he started crying
And had to rush back in to his mother

At least the other memory is a good one;

My boy was lying in the middle of our bed
And I’d spring up from one of the sides and surprise him
Causing him to burst out laughing

Then I’d slink back and pop up somewhere totally different
Surprising him again and again and again

If it hadn’t been for my religious conversion
I imagine I wouldn’t have had many more warm memories
But my life was about to change in a very big way

In November of ‘93
It had been precisely seven years
Since that dreadful day
When I had challenged the priest
And thus sealed my fate

Then I had a dream which changed all that
But first, in order to tell the tale
I have to go back to the beginning;

As a child, I spent a good portion of my summers
At a place called the Devil’s Elbow

Located in Yosemite Valley, just below El Capitan
One of the largest pieces of granite in the world,
This spot featured an awesome beach
On the Merced River

There was a decent-sized rock
Which you could swim out to
And people would bask in the sun there

As if that wasn’t enough, there was also a kick *ss rope swing
Until the rangers continually cut it down

El Capitan was an awesome sight
And it was a joy staring up at it.
The mountain climbers inching it’s way up it
Appeared so tiny by comparison
They were almost invisible

Yet my eyes were continually drawn, instead
To a mountain far across the valley

It’s peaks had been worn down by erosion
And there was a jumble of huge boulders at it’s base

At the time, I had thought
That it was only my imagination
That this mountain resembled a warlike King
Slouching on his throne

On his head was a helmet
Which looked like a German one from World War One
With one of those pointy things sticking up

The peak just next to it
Resembled an advisor whispering in the King’s ear

Surely I thought that it was just my imagination
That I saw these things
But it wasn’t

Even an amateur historian knows
That if you were to pick just two symbols
To represent the power which was yielded in Europe
Throughout the 1000 year long reign of the Middle Ages
You would choose a Castle and a Church
Wouldn’t you?

Well, incredibly enough,
Far off on the flanks of this mountain
Which so resembles an Evil King,
There is a Church and a Fortress, set in stone!!

From any angle, Sentinel Rock resembles a rook from a chess board;

I couldn’t see it from the Devil’s Elbow
Because it was obscured by the pine trees
Which blanket the Valley floor,
But it was there

And to the other flank of the Evil King,
Are the Cathedral Spires

It wasn’t I who named these twin pinnacles
Which so resemble the steeples of a Gothic Church

Amazing how these three separate mountains
Carved by ice
Make such a statement

For a thousand years,
From the Dark Ages
All the way to the Renaissance,
Kings ruled from their Castles
With the support of the Catholic Church

Facing these monoliths
From the opposite side of the valley
Was of course El Capitan

The Bible only refers to Jesus Christ once
As “The Lion from the tribe of Judah”
This is what I believe the El Capitan monolith represents

A couple of miles further up the valley
There resides a different type of throne altogether

Back when I was a kid,
Our family would often stay at Curry Village

Often my brother and I would hike from there
Up to the base of Glacier Point

There’s no trail weaving it’s way up
Past the jumbled boulders
And perhaps we were lucky
We never sprained our ankles
But once we were at the foot of Glacier Point
We were greeted with a most spectacular view

Even back then, as a child
I could sense that Half Dome and North Dome
Had a relationship with one another

Sure, I’m talking about a couple of mountains
But they seemed alive!!
And what’s more,
There seemed to be some kind of energy flowing
Back and forth between them

I know now, or at least I believe,
That Half Dome represents Christ’s Throne
And North Dome is the protector of the Church
Which rests beneath it

This Church is made up of the Royal Arches monolith
With Washington Column acting as the Steeple
Needless to say, it points directly towards Half Dome

I realize this all sounds wild and unbelievable
And I can assure you that I was quite blown away
When I first realized all of this

The way it happened
Was that I first had a dream
In which I saw Half Dome rising above the Sierra

It stood out boldly from all the other mountains
Which seemed dull and unimpressive by comparison

I had a few other interesting dreams
Which inspired me to break out the photo albums
Soon enough I began to realize that these mountains
Were carved out, not only by ice
Which was only the sculpting tool which was used,
But by a higher power

This was how it was revealed to me
That Jesus Christ was indeed the Earth’s creator
(as well as everyone and everything on the Earth)

Shamefully I gotta admit
That I planned on using this info for my own purposes
I felt that I must be a prophet
And set out to explain the meaning of Yosemite to others

It had nothing to do with a love of God,
Someone I didn’t even know
Instead it all revolved around my ego

That Christmas, in 1993
My son couldn’t yet crawl,
But he was getting close

He’d get on all fours and rock back and forth

Needless to say,
He had a lot of fun playing with his new toys
But then, just after the holidays
Hiroko took him on a long vacation
All the way over to Japan
So that they could visit her parents

It wasn’t until May that they returned
Which is just as well, because it wasn’t until then
That the evil inside of me was finally exorcised

That was when I was truly born again
And just in time I might add

The flight back over here
Was a cultural shock to my son
Who was now a year old

He didn’t recognize me at first
Or at least he didn’t trust me
I’d try to play with him in the backyard
But he’d just crawl as fast as he could back to his mother

Fortunately this lasted only a day or so
And he soon became accustomed to his home over here

When I’d take him to Heritage Park just down the street
He’d literally spend a full two hours strait
Just throwing a single pebble at a time into the water
Fascinated as he was by the ripples

He had plenty of toys, especially hot wheels
He’d line them all up in a huge traffic jam
And then “drive” each car forward just a few inches
As if he was taking an inventory of his collection

Once, while he was in the other room taking a nap,
I brought out all his toys
And filled the whole playroom with them

I created a zoo for all his animals
A couple of highways filled with his hot wheels
And a red Power Rangers army
As well as a blue and green one

It was hilarious, for when he first woke up
He was stumbling along, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes
One glance at the playroom though,
And he was instantly wide awake

He played for hours with that set-up

Once we drove down to Monterrey and Carmel
Where he was able to play at Dennis the Menace park
Just like I had when I was a boy

Unfortunately the park was missing one of it’s best attractions
A crane-like climbing structure
Which swung around in circles

Actually it was still there,
But they had taken out the ball bearings
So that the crane was now stationary.
No doubt this was done out of safety concerns

Even still, this awesome park, framed by a lagoon,
Featured a baseball field, a long-spanned bridge
Which shook when you jumped on it,
A locomotive which you could climb on,
A cool slide and a maze made up of bushes

Next, we went to Point Lobos Reserve
A beautiful wilderness park just south of Carmel
Which abounded with Sea Lions

And then it was on to Carmel itself
Which featured an awesome beach
With imported sand.
It’s slope was quite steep, making it
A lot of fun to run down

We never did make it to the East side
Of the Pinnacles National Monument
Another place where my Father had taken me as a kid

Though the park isn’t all that spectacular,
It features some amazing caves
Which are a lot of fun to crawl through if you’re not claustrophobic
(They’ve since been closed to the public however)

The irony of my life at that time
Was that even though I was fast approaching middle age
And I was enjoying a family life in the suburbs
Heck, even with my hair starting to fall out
I was nevertheless, feeling very young at heart

I changed my son’s name to Daniel
And changed my own name back
To the one my parents had originally given me

I had a prayer booklet
Which came from “The Light and Life Foundation”
From somewhere like Tulsa, Oklahoma

In the middle of the booklet
Was an image of Christ’s face
Which was so life-like it was quite scary

Using a bookcase in our bedroom,
I constructed an altar
And placed this alive-image in it’s center

It was really something to see-
The way his emotions would change
As I’d be kicking back on the bed.
He’d be ordering demons about,
Saving me from their scourges

You could tell by the way his eyes
Would move this way or that
And his face would contort
That he was quite busy with the spirits in the room,
Commanding them about

I wasn’t the only one who thought this image was alive
I brought it over to the house of a friend
Who was on the evil side of things

He had to ask me to take it down
Because it was scaring him too much

If you ever have a chance
To write “The Light and Life Foundation”
The prayer booklet would be worth picking up
For this alive-image alone

Somebody turned me on to Manichevitz passover wine
Blessed by a priest, this rich wine
Helped me to meditate on the blood of Christ
It’s almost syrupy, it’s so thick
It’s also quite delicious

Almost every time I tried picking up the Bible
I’d have to put it back down again
There was just too much violence in that book
And too much mentioning of demons or damnation
Or other depressing subjects

Instead, I’d watch the movie “Jesus of Nazareth”
I considered it the “living” New Testament

Although it starts out slowly
And there are a few weak scenes in the beginning
The movie is definitely a classic

Filmed back in the seventies
And featuring an all star cast
It’s well over six hours long
And largely because of it’s subject matter
I’d have to say it’s one of the most important movies ever made

It stars Robert Powell as Jesus
But I don’t believe he’s acting
When he’s up on the cross
I feel instead that he must have been inspired
By the Holy Spirit in those scenes

I hope that I don’t end up going to jail as a result
But I’d like to take scenes from the movie
And splice them together to make a couple of music videos

I have only the best intentions at heart
Basically, I hope that if people like the videos,
They’ll be inspired to go out and see the movie

Following my conversion,
I spent a lot of time at St Catherine’s Cathedral
Where the statues appeared to bless me

I’m sure that many would say
That I was just experiencing hallucinations
Due to flashbacks from the hallucinogens
Which I had taken earlier in my life
But I don’t agree
I believe the statues really were moving
And making the sign of the cross

Although the Sunday masses were crowded
And the sermons overly long
I much preferred the masses during the week

The sermons were much shorter and bearable
And as a poet, I could appreciate the ritual of the mass

Afterwards, I’d often join the prayer group
In the saying of the Rosary
I have to admit, I often lacked the discipline to say it myself

Our Father,
Who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name

Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day
Our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those
Who trespass against us

And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil

Deliver us Lord from every evil
And grant us peace in our day

In your mercy
Keep us free from sin
And protect us from all anxiety
As we wait in the joyful hope
Of the coming of our savior Jesus Christ

For the Kingdom
And the Power
And the Glory are yours
Now and Forever

Hail Mary
Full of Grace
The Lord is with thee

Blessed art though among women
And blessed is the fruit
Of thy womb Jesus

Holy Mary,
Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death,
Amen

Life was a new adventure
Once I was born again
But it wasn’t always easy
I had to give up a few things

I threw away all my porno mags
And Jesus asked me to donate all my wargames
And Napoleonic clothes to the Goodwill

He also asked that I apologize to George
Over at the record store
For that record heist all those years ago

It turned out to be painless, however,
He at least acted as though
He hadn’t even known that the robbery had occurred
And so he shrugged it off

One thing which amazed me, was the way in which
People are transformed when they pass from this life into the next one
Not only are we given new transfigured, angelic bodies
But we are capable of being everywhere at once. Amazing

I should mention a theory which someone related to me
Regarding the Bible’s statement
That no one can get to heaven without Jesus Christ

Many people think this means that only Christians
Can make it to the promised land
And that all the Native Americans, Buddhists
And other non-believers are doomed

This guy’s theory, which I also now believe myself,
Is that after Jesus descends on Judgment Day
All of the people who had tried to live just lives
Will be resurrected and given a chance to serve him

Essentially everyone will be a Christian then
For he’ll actually be ruling on the earth

After a thousand years,
Satin will be unleashed for a short time
And there will be a second Judgment Day
All those who survive shall live eternally with the Father

That explanation works for me

I once was skimming through a book
Called “The Other Bible”
Which contained religious writings from long ago
Which weren’t included in the actual Bible

In one of the passages, Judgment Day is described.
It goes on to say that there is a mountain in the Holy Land
Which is shaped like a throne
And that when Jesus Christ descends from the Heavens
He will reside and rule from this mountain-throne

Not that I needed any reassurance,
But it lends credibility to my belief
That Half Dome is also a throne

I miss the spiritual dreams which I had back then,
They were most definitely heavenly.
I had one in which I’m in back of the Burlingame Safeway
When Christ descends out of the clouds on the Day of Judgment

When that day comes,
The armies of the Anti-Christ will supposedly melt into blood
Christ’s only weapon will be truth
But a truth so vivid that it’s blinding

Not only was I a good family man
For at least this brief time in my life
But I was also working as well
For I had landed an awesome job delivering pizzas

Though it paid only minimum wage
I’d receive tips and therefore ended up earning about ten dollars an hour
Since we were living rent free at my mom’s house
I was even able to give to charity
I chose “Food for the poor”
Which assisted the struggling people
In the impoverished land of Haiti

The job was actually a lot of fun
A couple of times as I’d be driving around
I’d encounter my wife
As she was pushing around the baby stroller

My son must have been proud
To see me driving around in a truck
I mean how cool can you get in the eyes of a two year old!!

Even after my shift was over
I’d stay late folding boxes or doing other work.
After all, my son would already be asleep by that hour
So what else was there to do

Unfortunetely the job began to unravel due to safety concerns.

Monday nights during the football season were extremely hectic.
A couple of computer screens would already be backlogged with orders
Yet up at the front,
When people would call in their orders
They’d always be told
That the wait would only be fifteen to twenty minutes

Yeah right!!
We’d all be driving around like madmen
Taking out seven or eight orders at a time
And still some of the pizzas would be
Two hours late by the time they were delivered

I’m surprised more people didn’t refuse to pay.
I sure wouldn’t spend twenty bucks or more
For a cold pizza which was hours late

When the people making the pizzas were rushed
They might forget to put on olives or something else
But when we, as drivers, were being rushed
The consequences could be deadly

A couple of times I nearly got into accidents
Because I was in too much of a hurry

That’s not the worst of it though.
What was even more dangerous
Was that the company vehicles
Weren’t being cared for properly

Most of the other drivers were in their early twenties
And were going to parties nearly every night it seemed.
They were always in a hurry to end their shifts
And never bothered to leave a note, or tell anybody else
When one of the trucks had a problem

One of the trucks had a bad transmission
But I sure as heck wasn’t told

I went to put it in park
But it wouldn’t go there
And instead just kept rolling backwards
Down the slight hill I was on.

The only way I was able to stop it
Was by steering it on purpose into a tree!!

It’s a damn good thing that I wasn’t
On a steep hill like Skyfarm Drive

Naturally I was pretty pissed off
When I found out that other drivers
Had already known about this problem
But hadn’t bothered to tell me

One of the other trucks had bald tires
Causing one of the other drivers to do a 180
On a slick road after a rain shower

But the worst example of negligence
Was the truck which had a bad door
On the drivers side of the cab

You couldn’t even close the door
Much less lock it.
The only thing which prevented it from swinging open
Was a bungie cord!!
Even still, the door swung open a bit
When the driver made a quick right hand turn!!

I never had to drive that truck
Or else I would have complained about it

What I should have done
Is taken pictures and documentation
So that I would have had a leg to stand on
When the sh*t hit the fan
There must have been a hole in my head
For I never bothered to do so

Eventually I just blew up, I was so pissed off

Even though I lost my job,
At least I was able to walk away from it
In one piece without having killed anyone out on the highway

In the end, it was probably a good thing
Because my wife went out and acquired a better one

She had to go away for a couple of months
For flight attendant training
And she thought it best to fly our son
Back to Japan so that she could stay with her parents
Until she graduated

I came down with apocalyptic fever not long after they left
And thought that the Day of Judgment was fast approaching

I was over at a friend’s house
Where we cooked up some pot brownies
And watched the crucifixion scenes
From “Jesus of Nazareth”

Let me just mention here
That Jesus never had a problem
With my Marijuana usage

He has a different plan for everyone
And since all of his children have different beliefs
He might not approve of it’s usage for everyone,
But he’s never disapproved of my using it.

It’s rarely ever done me wrong and it’s                                                             Certainly never mentioned of in the Bible

The same Bible says that Christians should obey the law
And while I don’t necessarily agree with this statement
And I don’t see any point in obeying unjust laws
I still don’t see a contradiction
Because in at least my own opinion
Marijuana is legal in America

Laugh all you want and call me a fool
But the Declaration of Independence says
That all men are entitled to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

To me that’s not a joke
But when an election is held
And (radical) lifestyles are deemed illegal
Because the majority disapproves of them
That’s not democracy, but mob rule
 
The Bill of Rights was intended to prevent such foul occurances

Heck, while we’re at it
Why not have a vote on whether or not homosexuality
Should be made illegal?

Why not?
Like I said, there’s a Bill of Rights
And it shouldn’t matter a bit
Whether 51% or 99% of the populace
Condones or disapproves of such behavior
It should be legal because this is America, not Tyrannica

The same applies to Marijuana use,
At least in my own legal opinion

Anyhow, sorry about that
But getting back to the story;
We had eaten some pot brownies
But there was nothing sacrilegious about it

I enjoyed a melancholic moment
As my emotions pulled at my heart strings
The violins screeching beautifully
As we watched the crucifixion scenes

I believe I read somewhere
That when the Anti-Christ comes into power
The way in which the martyrs are put to death
Is by having their heads chopped off

Later that night I was on my way home
But stopped by the Russian Church on El Camino
Near McKinely school in Burlingame

On the front of the church is a beautiful image
Of Mary and the child Jesus

I was praying in front of this image
And tilting my head back,
I symbolically chopped at my neck with my hand
As I said, “I’d die for you Jesus”

Just then I began to hurl,
Throwing up the brownies which I had eaten earlier

Then, with impeccable timing the police pulled up
They must have thought I had been drinking
But were willing to let me go
Until I said that I would just be a moment longer
Because I wanted to finish saying my prayers

That’s when they both rushed me
And since I was pissed off at that, I resisted
They maced me during the struggle
After which I was taken to the hospital

When one of the doctors wanted to stick something in my ear
(It might have been a thermometer)
I thought he was trying to implant a computer chip in me
(The Mark of the Beast)

Fortunately my apocalyptic fever didn’t last all that long
And I was back to normal by the time my wife returned

She started working right away
And didn’t have time to go over and pick up our son
So I was assigned that pleasurable task

I was headed to Fukoaka
Which is where the Mongols invaded in 1274 and 1281

Both times the Japanese defenders prayed for storms
For a “Divine Wind” or Kamakazi
And both times their prayers were answered

The Mongols hadn’t even bothered to send ahead spies or scouts
Before they attacked the second time
And were unaware that the defenders
Had built a huge defensive wall

They were unable to get far inland
And so were ravaged by the storms
Which all told, claimed 1000 of their ships
And 100,000 of their men

Once, when we were driving to the airport
My father-in-law pointed to what appeared to be
Just another dirt road,
Slightly elevated by the farmland around it

That, he told me,
Was all that remained of the ancient
Fortress-like defensive wall

I have to admit I got pretty buzzed on the long flight over.
Normally I didn’t drink much back then
But free shot-bottles of Bailey’s Irish Cream-
That was just too much to resist

Naturally I was excited about the trip
And I turned out not to be disappointed

My mother and father-in-law were very friendly,
Generous and non-judgmental

They put up with me for two and a half weeks
And took me to many places during that time

My father-in-law took me mountain climbing
Up a mountain near Daizafu
Which is a cultural center
Featuring restored buildings which showcased
Japan’s ancient past

The hike was very steep
And I’m not even sure if I could handle the climb nowadays
But since we ascended nearly strait up
We were soon greeted with spectacular views

My wife’s parents are athletic
And even at their age
They’re still climbing mountains and running marathons
Flying even to different parts of the world in order to do so

A friend of my father-in-law took me on another hike
To an active volcano

We weren’t able to look down it’s core
But we saw plenty of sulfuric gas steaming out

I also attended a Fukoaka Daiei Hawks game.
That was the baseball team that Kevin Mitchell played for
Though I wasn’t able to see him play
Because he was sitting out as a result of a contract dispute

Mostly though, I just played with my son
His grandparents lived in a beautiful area
Which was part-suburb but also part-farmland
With plenty of mountains close by

When I say farmland,
I don’t mean commercial farming designed to turn a profit
But instead small tracks of land
Which were tended to by the older generation
More as a hobby than anything else

They lived near a mostly abandoned National Guard Base
I saw other neighbors walking or jogging through it
And figured it was open to the public
And so we played there often

When, early in the trip, I told him
That I had come over to Japan
In order to bring him back to America to live with his mother
He was quite upset

Poor guy, he was crying when he had to say goodbye
To his grandmother
But his memories of his home over here
Came back to him quickly enough

Even though neither of us had slept on the plane
We spent the whole day playing
Till finally that night we dropped of exhaustion

He spent most of  ’95 over here
One of the highlights being an epic hike down from Crocker Lake
(this was long before the No Trespassing signs were posted)

We also went swimming over at Jeff’s house.
About the last thing we did together that year
Was when I took him out on Halloween

I was surprised for at least on the surface
He showed no outward sign of being scared
Heck if I were a two year old
I probably would have been petrified on that night

It was both cute and hilarious
When I waited on the sidewalk
And directed him to go up to a porch all by himself
He didn’t know what was going on
Until he was given the candy
And then it was all good

Unfortunately my wife and my mother had a falling out soon afterwards
And she flew him back over to Japan
This time to live permanently with her parents

By then, the apocalyptic fever had struck me again
And I was glad that he was going.

I was convinced that he would be safer over there
For I was sure that this country
Was primed and ready for the Anti-Christ to take it over

What really did it for me
Was when Windows ’95 came out.
I’ve since learned to respect and appreciate the computer
But back then I was weary of how powerful it had become

I’ll never forget opening day of the football season that year
Not so much for the games but for the commercials

Thanks to recent advances in computer animation
They were wild and outrageous, and to me downright scary.
I figured it’d be no time at all
Before people would be getting
Computer chips implanted in their skulls.

Soon enough I came back to my senses
And missed him terribly
But at least I was able to visit him often.
I actually flew over six times
Over the course of the next year

My in-laws drove me down to Kumamoto Castle
Which was quite an impressive sight

We also visited Mt Aso,
An active volcano with many recent eruptions.
The postcards were quite a sight
Because the sulfuric acid in one picture was turquoise,
In another it was brownish orange,
In others still, it was a variety of different colors

Though this was a National Park
With a tram which took us up the mountain,
There were plenty of shelters scattered about
Which were handy just in case of eruptions

My wife had known a neighbor who had perished in one of these
And so naturally the trip was a bit unnerving

I took a Bullet Train to Yamaguchi,
A regular train to Kurume,
And we drove to Amagi
But my greatest adventures were experienced
On the back of my mother-in-laws’ bicycle

There was room for my son, as well, on the bike
And once we rode all the way to the mountains.
We were playing in an empty construction sight there
When he found a dead snake

What was so unusual
Was that the snake had devoured a lizard,
But that the lizard, before it died,
Had managed to eat it’s way part way out of the snake
So that, when we came across this dead snake
It had a hole in it’s neck
With the head of the dead lizard (and one of it’s arms) sticking out

It was like an episode out of the sci-fi thriller “Alien”
And needless to say, it made the whole bike ride worthwhile

There was a golf course near their house
And I went on some bike rides there
But unfortunetely the devil was all over me
Making me feel that the place was haunted
(Don’t worry, there was a pathway, I wasn’t riding on the grass)

The best ride I went on though, was up Mount Homan
I passed through a cemetary,
Up and over a dam
And through a beautiful valley

Unfortunately, I got a flat partway up the mountain
But thankfully, these strangers helped me out and pumped it up.
I managed to reach the summit
But then the tire popped again.
At least I was able to coast downhill to the neighbors house

I knocked and rang the doorbell
But the good Samaritans weren’t home.
I was in their driveway, looking for the pump
When they pulled up

I thought that I was busted- that they’d be hella pissed off
Instead they invited me in and fed me dinner
While their sons repaired the tire.
It had a perpetual problem
And actually popped yet again later that night
But not until I was near enough to home to walk the rest of the way

The next day my mother-in-law drove my son and I
Back to their house to give them some presents
In return for their generosity.
Sadly, this is a type of custom which is dying out in Japan
A country which, perhaps even more than our own
Is going through rapid cultural changes

One thing which has always helped my family
Is that Japan is to a certain extent bilingual.
Even the road signs over there are in both English and Japanese.
It’s certainly helped me to communicate better with my son

It seems that just as many Americans
View the Far East as exotic,
Many Japanese, likewise, have a fascination with the U.S.
Needless to say, we’ve influenced their modern culture quite a bit

In one of the wars great ironies,
Japan and Germany actually benefited from losing the conflict.
Many would argue the same is true
For the Confederacy after the Civil War
(At least in the long term)

One thing which pisses me off
Is that the Japanese government still hasn’t apologized
For the atrocities which they committed during the war.
Perhaps that will change when a younger generation
Comes into power, as there appears to be
A cultural divide between the young and old generations there

When I was visiting Japan in May of ‘96
I had a big blow out with Jesus.
I had been on my way out the door
When he asked me to say some prayers

I thought it ridiculous that he should ask that
After all, he knew I was in a hurry
But I made a bigger deal out of the episode than I should have

Upon my return to America
I thought I’d make it up to him
By being extra religious

I didn’t have any idea what I was getting into though,
For over the course of that summer
He expected me to live somewhat like a monk

I began fasting, which made me realize how much
I had been enslaved by my own stomach.
For two weeks strait I ate almost nothing at all
Till a ravenous beast inside of me would surface
Whenever I even smelled food

All told I ended up losing twenty pounds
And was on my knees so much in prayer
That they came down with a bacteriological infection
And I had to be hospitalized

One thing which helped me to be religious
Was that I had always loved Christmas Music.
I could listen to it at any time of the year
And it was an easy way to bring glory to God

I especially loved Julie Andrew’s singing.
It’s really too bad about that botched operation
In which she lost her vocal chords

I had a hard time, though, imagining Jesus in the Eucharist
In those tiny communion wafers

I would have preferred it
If there was an empty throne behind the altar
Representing his absence until he returns again

I also cracked up at how the Saints in prayer booklets
Were always attractive and good looking.
I made a few prayer booklets of my own
Using the desert images from Camel cigarette packages
Among other things

In between my prayers
I had time to write a poem about a desert adventure;

The history of my people
Remains largely a puzzle
I only know of how we began
As just another warlike clan
Struggling for our survival
In an arid land

Far too weak to contest our neighbors
We were helpless as they pushed us ever closer
Towards a desolate and fiery desert

Here at the edge of this burning abyss,
The hellish border of our lands
We braced ourselves for our final annihilation
Apparently so close at hand

Unless something drastic was done
We would surely be slaughtered
Already our enemies were gathered for the kill

In this desperate, darkened  hour
Our leaders came to their fateful decision;
We would turn to fight
But only to buy precious time,
Then with hurriedly gathered supplies
We would set out across the scorching sands

There was an obvious problem with the plan;
The hellish and inhospitable desert abyss
Would surely not take all of us
Only the strongest would have any chance of surviving at all

We knew of only a single small oasis
Which had a well
Which was nearly out of water.
We knew of no other

From there we could only set out blindly
Hoping to find a haven
Deep within the wasteland

We knew how heavily the odds weighed against us;
In the past we had sent out scouts
With much the same mission,
Few of whom were ever heard from again

It was obvious we’d have to abandon our children
Our elderly, as well as anyone else
Who might be considered a burden

We could only pray that our enemies would adopt them
Instead of slaughtering them

Our leaders themselves would decide
Who was fit to make the journey,
Everyone else would have to be left behind

It was only the implacable strength of these leaders
Who guided us through this horrible time
Their cruel and harsh orders kept us in line
Leaving no room for dissention

Although it was painful, this forced desertion of our loved ones
The wisdom of our leaders was later clear to see
When we were faltering under the blazing sun
Wondering if we could still push on
With all our camels gone

Sprawled out beneath our tents
We tried to rest
But there was no escaping the horrible heat of the day
Which drained what little remained of our energy

Traveling from late afternoon
Till early morning
We at first allowed our stragglers to lag behind

Then it began to prey on our minds-
The horrible deaths these poor souls would suffer
All alone without shelter,
Exposed to the murderous sun

This proved too much for us to bear
And so we posted soldiers
To travel behind us
To kill these stragglers out of kindness

Soon the sorrow we felt for the dead
Turned gradually to envy
As our ordeal dragged on and on

Almost a whole month now
We’ve traveled from dusk to dawn
Of every single day
And yet as we gaze out on the horizon
We’re greeted with the same monotonous view
Of ever stretching sand dunes

Well, that’s about as far as I got with that story

My mother had a hard time with my religious extremism
And felt that I should be working instead

Although she booted me out of the house
She let me camp out in the backyard
Knowing as she did that I had nowhere else to go

There was a businessman at the Tanforan Mall
Who would make T-shirts for people;
You’d bring in an image
And he’d blow it up
And print it out on a shirt for you

I must have had five or six religious T-shirts made
And I’m sure that Jesus blessed me
For displaying my faith openly

I realize that in the Bible Jesus says
That it’s a hypocrite who prays in the street
But it seemed that Jesus was often challenging me
To make public displays of my faith

He’d request that I pray
Not only inside the church
But outside it as well
Just to see if I had the courage
To get down on my knees in prayer
In front of passers-by

If you do attempt to pray
There’s a method called A.C.T.S. which is helpful.
This is what it stands for;

A is for adoration- this wasn’t hard for me
Because I believed that Jesus Christ was the Son of God
And the universe was created through him
And is governed by him.
It was hard for me not to be impressed.

C is for contrition- the act of feeling remorse for your sins

T is for thanksgiving- being grateful for what you have  received

And finally S is for supplication- here’s your chance
To ask God for something which you desire

Once I was nearly blinded by a Satanist
Whom I had earlier gone to school with.
We had once been friends
But the differences between our religions
Was too much to bear

Once, we met up at the store
Just a few minutes before two a.m.
As we were both making last minute beer runs

He was with a handful of his friends
And wanted to impress them
And so he picked a fight with me.
“This guy worships Jesus” he scoffed loudly

It wasn’t much of a fight
For I was much bigger than he was
And I soon had him by the feet
With his head on the ground below

“Kick my *ss, go ahead and kick me” I shouted angrily

I wasn’t so angry 
That I wanted to hurt him though.
If I did I could have flung him around
Or bashed him up and down against the concrete.
I let him go, figuring that it was bad enough
That he had been embarrassed in front of his friends

As he took off he was shouting back
“You’ll die in the gutter, Johnny Blade”

I thought that should have been the end of it
But instead he was waiting for me
As I made my way home an hour or two later

I was tired by then
And after the one-sidedness of our earlier scuffle
I was complacent and didn’t take his threat seriously enough.
That’s how he was able to take a swipe at my face.

It was only then that I realized
That he was wearing a razor-sharp fighting ring
With a satanic bat-image on it

The damned fool was trying to blind me!!

Thankfully, just then some guy drove up in his pick-up
And got between us, ending the fight.
I heard later that my assailant was taken to jail later that night
Over an unrelated incident

That’s not to say that I don’t have to live in fear
Of having further problems from the gothic crowd

In San Mateo, there are real life vampires.
I’ve been able to steer clear of them
At least so far

Once this other Satanist called me up around midnight,
Waking me from my sleep

I’m not sure how effective his spells were
For I might have just been having a nightmare
But it sure was an evil dream which I woke up from
As he rambled off the names of demons
Which he supposedly was raising from the pit

Once I received an exorcism
At a St Catherine’s confessional booth.
I was almost shedding tears,
So sorrowful was I
About my past sins

The priest hearing my confession was Monsignor Murphy
Who’s voice sounded just as I’d imagined
Christ’s own voice would have

Suddenly a gust of wind blew into the booth,
And entering into my lower abdomen, proceeded upward

I’m sure it was the Holy Spirit
And I’m also sure the Satan had no place inside of me
For quite a while after that occurrence

One of the religious items I was taught about
Was the Gup
I call it God’s Petri-dish

It’s the place where everyone’s soul was first created.

Even before Adam and Eve were created in Eden
Their souls, plus the souls of everyone
From Hitler to Gandhi were there
Being worked on by God’s loving hands
As he looked ahead to human history
And tried to decide who was to be born when
And where, and by whom, etc.

Although I’m certain
That I haven’t had any past lives
I’m sure my soul was first created in the Gup,
Eons ago

Alas, those religious days weren’t meant to last

It was only natural that I should have wanted to return to a normal life
And for a short while I enjoyed a calm existence
But then the sh*t hit the fan

My mom kicked me out of the house
But that was nothing compared to the new regimen
Which the Lord put me through

I lived mostly down by the railroad tracks
Where I’d wander back and forth, over and over again
Repenting the sins of my past endlessly

As time went on, I became more and more frustrated
And began to feel as though I were in prison
For there wasn’t anyplace where I could escape the Lord
Or the Overlord as I began to call him

Long gone were the adventurous days
When I was first born again.
Far from heaven, I felt as though I were in purgatory
Constantly reminded as I was of my past

At least I wasn’t stuck in the same place
For though homeless, I moved about quite a bit.
I lived in Palo Alto and then Pacifica
Down near the beach
Where at least there’d be parties on the weekends

Unfortunately, all I could think of
When I looked at the campfire
Was hellfire

I stayed in those creepy woods
Near Twin Peaks in the San Francisco
And I also stayed at Coyote Point in San Mateo
Which was quite dangerous

Once I was almost jumped there
While I was taking a shower.
I had taken the last stall as a precaution
So that if I were jumped
I would be backed in a corner
And not as easily surrounded

I also made sure that I had my wrench
And my screwdriver handy

It turned out that I almost had to use them
For while I was in there
Six or seven gang members came in

I could sense that trouble was coming
But fortunately a friend of mine
Who had been waiting outside
Helped to diffuse it

He popped his head in
And shouted something like “hurry up”.
It didn’t matter what he said.
What mattered was that I had a friend outside
Who could run and get help or else join in. 
That seemed to do the trick
Because they decided not to try anything

Just a couple of days later I was at my encampment
When a Hispanic guy rode up on a bike and lingered around.
I couldn’t figure out what he wanted
Till at last he reached for his stash

Just by coincidence he had hidden his weed
In the bushes where I later made my camp

As he smoked me out,
I couldn’t help but wonder
If he had been one of the guys
Who had thought of attacking me in the shower

Heightened by the Marijuana,
It definitely brought out my paranoia

Although overall, I didn’t enjoy my stay at Coyote Point
I did enjoy raiding the garbage cans
After a busy summer weekend

Following a barbeque,
People tend to dump their excess food items rather than take them home
And I made out like a bandit
Which was important since I had no money at all

Once, I found a four liter bottle of cheap wine
Which had hardly even been opened

I got pleasurably drunk quite a few times off of that one

Needless to say,
As my faith eroded
I began drinking more and more

After my stay at the point,
It was back to the Millbrae Train Tracks
Where I had a good spot
Near where the Millbrae Bart Station now stands

There I befriended Evan 
Who now rests six feet under
A victim of alcoholism

Even his breakfast had consisted of numerous vodka shots

He had a friend Gary,
Who was talented in building houses out of popsicle sticks

On the day after Thanksgiving
The police came by and kicked us out

We had a whole sh*tload of stuff in our encampment
And they never would have found it
But I handed over a small bud of Marijuana
Just to appear cooperative

Later this would prove to be a big mistake
For I was written up with a ticket
Which would later prove costly

With nowhere else to go
I camped out on the wilderness trail
Near Adeline Boulevard

I was there for a week without any problem
But then a family went hiking by

I was hidden pretty well
But somehow the young girl spotted me.
I swear she must have been psychic,
How else could she have known that I was there

She must have told her parents
Who then told the police
Because they came later that night
Though even they couldn’t find me

Although I was homeless all that year of ‘97
I, at least had a couple of welcome diversions

My wife brought her mother and my son out to see me that summer.

We rented a car and overall it turned out to be a wonderful trip
Even though the journey to Yosemite Valley
Was a major disappointment for me

The first day was overcast,
But that only enhanced the mystery and allure of the mountains
Which would appear ever so briefly through the mist

When we returned later, however,
After the skies had cleared,
I felt imprisoned in a church carved out of ice
Once again there was no escaping the rule of the overlord

I also flew over to Japan one final time

There was a scary moment as I went through customs
For they went through all my bags
And found a bud

It must have fallen from a bush
Into one of my bags on one of my many hikes
But even I have to admit that it looked a lot like Marijuana.
It passed the litmus test, however

I did smoke weed once when I was over there though,
Which was a mistake because it wasn’t worth the risk.
It happened when I ran into a transported American
Who had previously served in the navy

He was selling these cheesy knick-knacks on a downtown street
But at least he was able to survive over there

This was before their economy fell out
So I’m not sure if his success lasted

I met him after attending a cultural festival
Which showcased cultures from East Asia.
It was definitely one of the highlights from the trip

Another one occurred when I ambushed my son.
He was returning with his grandmother
From a local train trip

I laid in wait and then sprung up unexpectedly
Pretending that I had a laser blaster just like Han Solo’s.
He was overjoyed at that
For Star Wars was one of his favorite movies

I’m not sure if I was ever able to convince him,
But it was certainly true that as a young man
I had been a lot like the adventure seeking Luke Skywalker
Before descending into a Darth Vader-like persona.

The challenge now for me is to be like Obi Wan Kenobi

As if a trip to Japan wasn’t enough,
I also went to Europe in the same year

My mother is a devout Catholic
And she invited everyone in our family to go with her
To Medjugorgie in Croatia
Where the Virgin Mary had supposedly appeared

My stay in Croatia was somewhat miserable
Partly because I was sick
But mostly because my relationship with the Lord
Was going nowhere

After flying back to Paris, however
I had a whole week to spend on my own

It nearly turned disastrous from the start
Because I got lost on the Paris Metro
And was headed in the wrong direction.
This English speaking guy came to my aid
And told me what train I was supposed to be on

Since he was headed in the same direction
He took one of my bags and ran ahead of me
As we both tried to catch the train

I made it just in time
Hopping on just before the door slammed shut

This guy was faster than me
And was waiting inside the train with my bag.
To this day I’m not sure if he was really trying to help me
Or if he secretly wanted to make off with my bag

In the week that I was in Paris
I didn’t visit a single museum or art gallery
Or any of the famous sights

I still had a really good time
Largely because there were many young and interesting people from all over The world at the hostel in which I was staying.
I made quite a few friends in the week in which I was there

My best buddy was a Danish guy.
I’m not sure if he wasn’t homosexual
It’s almost as if he was too friendly

I didn’t mind all that much for I enjoyed his company.

He told me that back in his country during the sixties
A group of hippies took over a largely deserted island, named it Christiana
And basically set up their own little nation

The police apparently let them get away with it
Until too many methamphetamine dealers moved in.
It wasn’t until then that they began raiding the place

There were a bunch of guys
Who by coincidence were all leaving on the same day I was

On our last night together
We went out drinking
Which you’re allowed to do openly on the street over there

Here we were, an American, a Dane, a Japanese guy
A German and a French Canadian merchant seaman
All having a good time together

At least for a moment it made me feel
That world peace is a possibility

I got lost on the Metro again
On the way back to the airport
Though I still arrived an hour before my flight

At the ticket counter
They told me that they had oversold the flight
And they offered me almost $500 bucks
If I’d agree to take a later flight

Naturally I jumped at that opportunity
Even though there was a stopover in Chicago

We were chasing the sunset for most of the trip
Which naturally made the view out of the window more scenic

I befriended this hippie dude
Who had just come from a pot convention in Amsterdam

This was in the days prior to the 9-11 terror attack
So when the captain passed by
And my companion asked him if he could see the cockpit
The pilot agreed

I trailed along with them,
And was greeted with a spectacular vista of the setting sun
With two other jets ahead of us leaving colorful vapor trails
 As we passed over the southern tip of Greenland

Unfortunately, when I arrived at Chicago
The customs police zeroed in on us right away
And I ended up practically being strip-searched

After the trip, it was back to the train tracks
Which was a bummer because the rainy season was beginning
And all I had over me was a plastic tarp

Things improved a bit when I acquired a van
So that I could live “down by the river”
As the late Chris Farley would have put it

I had only just gotten the van, however
When I was pulled over
And found out that I had lost my driving privileges for six months
All because of that little bud
Which I had previously been busted for

That’s quite a stiff penalty
For getting busted with weed
Back when I hadn’t even owned a vehicle

While I wouldn’t recommend that somebody drive
After smoking weed for the first time
I’m willing to bet
That a stoner with a tolerance to marijuana
Could probably drive better after smoking out
Because they’d likely be paranoid
And would therefore be apt to be more careful

Fortunately I met a new friend
Who was able to drive my van for me

I met him when I was living in Belmont.
Boy was that town a bust for us.
Not that we were doing much wrong
Besides having open containers and weed with us
But the police didn’t seem to have much to do there

What made our friendship cool
Was that we were from different generations
But far from it being a detriment
We were able, instead, to learn from one another

He introduced me to some intelligent rap music
And I turned him on to some old school rock and roll

This guy was originally from Sacramento
And he drove us out there a couple of times,
Though it was nerve racking not being able to drive my own vehicle

Once I thought there was a problem with the van
Because it was making a squealing noise.
It would have been a hellofa place for it to break down
Because I didn’t have AAA
But it turned out my friend had simply forgotten
To take off the parking brake
 
While we were in Sacramento, we visited the haunted Caseburg mansion
Which had been built over an Indian burial ground
And we also visited the red bridge on the American River

Though it was easily sixty feet or more above the water
People would occasionally jump off

Supposedly one guy had once jumped off
The wrong side of Rainbow bridge
And was sliced cleanly in half
By the wire fence underneath the water

My wife divorced me in ‘98
But it came as no surprise.
When she said she had something important to talk about
I knew what it would be

We were getting along fine
And to this day remain friends
But we obviously had drifted apart.
Heck, here she was working for a major airline
While I was living in a van (down by the river)

Most people would call me a bum
And they’d probably be right
But the truth is, I never desired wealth.
Though I grew up all around it
I never saw it as a way to happiness (for myself)

The biggest regret I have
Is that Diana and I got an apartment together

She should have stayed living with her parents
And I should have kept living in a car.
It probably wouldn’t have worked out long term
But at least I wouldn’t have been a burden on her

In spite of the obvious disadvantages
There are some pluses to living in a vehicle.
The main asset, besides not paying rent
Is that you can pack up and drive
Whenever you feel like it

It’s more adventurous than living in an apartment
And you’re less likely to be spoiled by comforts

In any case, my dad set me up with a nice job
Working for a courier company
I was paid good money ($12 per hour-expenses)
Just for driving packages around

Half of the time I wasn’t even driving at all
But was just waiting for the next order to come in
The job took me to places all over the bay area and beyond

I didn’t have my own vehicle
(My van would have guzzled too much gas)
So I rented a car which I also occasionally slept in
 
It was an expensive looking car
So people didn’t even think twice
When they saw it parked on the street,
And since it’s seats reclined quite a bit
It was very comfortable to sleep in

Once I finished my shift in downtown SF.
Rather than drive home, I decided to stay up there
And went out to a bar to have a few drinks

When I came back to the car
There was a cop parked behind it
But since I wasn’t planning on driving anywhere
And just wanted to kick back and listen to music
I decided to enter the vehicle anyway

The officer circled the block once
And then shone the spotlight on me

She came up and asked for my ID
But then wouldn’t give it back,
Saying that my driving privileges had been suspended

That was an understandable mistake on her part,
For though I had already lost my license for six months
For that small Marijuana bud
That I had previously been busted with,
I had since gotten it back.
How else could I have gotten my driving job?

Naturally I was pissed off at the mistake
But at least it was an understandable one
And like I said, I hadn’t planned on driving anywhere,
On that night anyway

But then she started asking for the car keys
And she had no cause to do that

What was I supposed to do?
Let her lock up my car and then go sleep in the gutter?

At that point I was more scared than pissed,
Worried about what she was going to try next

Judging from her hyper, almost spastic demeanor
I deduced that even though she was a cop,
She was nevertheless on crack.
Perhaps she had confiscated some
And couldn’t resist doing some herself

One thing was for sure,
I couldn’t afford to stick around.
I locked up the car, and once I was out of her sight,
I took off running

I was even more freaked out
When she started driving around looking for me!!

It turned out that she had realized her mistake
And was looking for me
So that she could give my license back
But of course I had no way of knowing that at the time

When enough time had passed
So that I felt it might be relatively safe
I made a break for the car and drove it away

I was still slightly under the influence
And without my license
So I didn’t drive it far before pulling over.
When I woke up, I was parked the wrong way
On a one-way street!!

At least when I called the police station
They had my license waiting for me.
Once the officer behind the desk handed it back to me
I enquired as to the badge number of the officer
Who had taken it from me the previous evening

The sergeant was hella pissed off when I asked that
“What do you need to know that for?”
I took off, not wanting any further trouble

I had another run-in with the law not long afterwards
I had gone to the Haight- Asbury looking for some buds
And managed to score a big, fat eighth of an ounce

I feel for the people who have to survive on the streets
But I didn’t feel like being scammed or ripped off by one of them.
The Russian guy I dealt with was a professional though.
I had hooked up with him before and rather liked him
And so afterwards we fired up a bowl together in the park

Unfortunately, a bicycle cop then pulled up
And he was all pissed off

I had my weed stashed and had nothing to fear
But the officer pissed me off
By the way he was berating us

If he had just written us each a ticket, that’d have been fine
But instead he started giving a lecture

I had no intention of allowing him to scold me
For something which I felt wasn’t the slightest bit wrong
So I simply got up and started walking away

Of course I didn’t expect to be able to get away with it
And soon the police were all over me
But I still felt as though it had been worth it

The only problem though,
Was that as I was being taken to jail
I still had my weed with me

If I’d have been caught, it would have been a felony
I assumed that I was going to be strip-searched
And so I shoved it up my *ss

As it turned out, I needent have bothered
Since they let me go after only a couple of hours

Thanks to my job I was able to save up
And buy my dad’s hatchback for $1000.
It was the same car which he had previously
Bought from my ex-wife.

With a van to sleep in, an economy car for driving
And a laid back job which paid good money
I should have been a happy camper
But instead I was deplorably miserable

It seemed that Jesus and Satan both had it in for me.
Between the two of them I couldn’t get any rest.
With Jesus, it was just one never ending lecture
About hellfire or my past sins

I got so sick of hearing it over and over
That I started drinking heavily
Hoping to drown out their voices

When that didn’t work, I’d smash bottles against my forehead in frustration

Christmas of ’98 was the worst.
I spent that holiday season with Satan.
I was in Daly City near the Seton Medical Center
But was in no mood to enjoy the view
For while I was there
The most grotesque demonic spirit entered into me.
I likened it to the soul of a fly
If indeed flies had souls

My favorite band at the time was “TOOL”
For their lyrics seemed to sum up what I was going through
“Jesus, won’t you f**king whistle
Something about my past I’ve done”

“Come down, get off your f**king cross,
We need the space,
To nail the next m*ther f*cker

“The King of the Jews
Is just bad news”

I quit my job before my drinking got too out of hand
And was able to walk away without a DUI

With the money I had saved up
I went on quite a few drunken escapades up to the city

Though it was a couple of long bus rides
I’d spent one night sleeping up there
Just to make it all worthwhile

I’ve got to admit I was mighty reckless

One time a friend and I were on my way
To the Mission District to score some weed
And I befriended this guy on the bus
Who was drinking hard liquor

Something told me I should refuse the shot he offered me
But like an idiot I took a big swig

We ended up getting off at the wrong stop
And walking miles through dangerous areas
Late at night while I was completely blacked out

Another time, in my drunken state
I was leaning against the bus doors when they opened up
So that I went sprawling,
One of the bottles in my backpack smashing open
When I hit the pavement

I had knives pulled on me in the Mission

My problem was, that after I’d score in Dolores Park
I’d hang out with the dealers
As if I had nothing safer to do

I could have fared even worse
When I tried to recite my Kunta Kinte poem
To black men I met on the street

I befriended quite a few homeless guys
And shared my drinks with them

I felt sorry for the opium addicts who I partied with.
It would hella suck to be enslaved to a drug
And forced to live only in the areas
Where the drug could be scored

I mostly drank on the street
But since I had money
I’d also occasionally visit a bar

There was this one Satanic Bar
On Market near Church street
Which I had wondered into.
I believe it was called The Crazy 8
And it’s logo was a black cat and an eight ball

I was impressed with the juke box selections
And hung out there a few times because of it
But the decorations on the walls were a bit much

There were plenty of Iggy Pop posters
And mirrors which had black cat etchings
But every other poster or mirror had demonic images on it.
Yet the people in the bar acted normally
Like nothing in the world was wrong

Now I was arguing heavily with Jesus at the time
But I wasn’t yet at the point
Where I felt that my soul was irreputably lost

If I were to look in a mirror, though
And stare into my own eyes while they were unfocused
The rest of my face would be blurry
And would appear to distort or even melt

I stared into a mirror at the bar in this manner
And it appeared that I was staring at my own demons

In my drunken state
That threw me over the edge
And I must have acted up because the next thing I knew
The bouncer had me in a headlock
And was leading me to the door.
His headlock was too tight however
And I blacked out

When I came to, I was on the sidewalk
But I didn’t realize that at first
And for a second or two
I thought that I had been taken down into a dungeon
And was about to be tortured by devil worshippers

Like I said, the only way I could afford my trips
Was to crash out in the city for a night or two

The driver of the bus leading up to Twin Peaks
Deduced correctly that I was homeless
And tried to screw me over
And leave me stranded out by the ocean

Fortunately I got wise that he was lying to me
And was trying to leave without me
And I got in front of the bus
Refusing to move until he finally let me in

Boy, those woods up there sure were creepy though,
Especially when the fog drifted in
Dripping moisture all over me

I rarely got enough sleep
And the following day would usually be sketchy
Especially when I started drinking early in the day

A couple of times I broke a bottle over my head in frustration

Another time I was in the Marina
And tried to lighten things up by dancing a bit
But Jesus kept tripping me up
I was so pissed off that I went for a swim with all my clothes still on

Not that it did much good
But it was a way of protesting
The way in which he was treating me

It might have been dangerous
When I went out drinking and carousing
But my existence was a real bore otherwise

Since I was drinking heavily every day I rarely drove
(To this day, I’ve never gotten a DUI)

I moved to San Mateo but it was the same old sh*t
Especially when I was sober

I’d just stare at the weeds
Or else pace back and forth by the tracks

At least I had a bunch of other homeless guys to hang around

There was Hugh, who was a real good guy.
Nothing seemed to faze him.
He’d be singing even in the rain

And there was Darrell, who sure changed drastically
After he was jumped and beaten up

Before, he had been an easy going partier
But after that incident he was so serious
And wouldn’t drink or smoke

There was Bob, who had to have his rock and roll.
Just so long as he had his beer
And a tape player, he’d be happy

A lot of people would have spit in his face
But I’d like to see them survive homelessness.

He’d been surviving that way for a quarter of a century
And was still sometimes able to smile

One person who wasn’t smiling was Salvador.
He was fairly miserable

I have to admit that a part of me still feels sorry for him
In spite of what he did to Kenny

Unlike myself, he didn’t come from a loving family
And his problems started early in life

Growing up Hispanic in Redwood City
He soon found himself in a gang
And had the bullet wounds to prove it

He told me that the reason he had moved to San Mateo
Was in order to leave that life behind

When my money eventually ran out
At least I was able to panhandle
But Sal wouldn’t have been too successful at that.
It’s hard to explain why, but it wouldn’t have worked for him,
And that’s why he robbed poor Kenny instead

It’s not like Sal didn’t ever try to work.
He worked for a few days for a moving company
And when they tried to shaft him by not paying him
He trashed their office completely

When the police were called they refused to do anything
 Saying that the moving company was at fault
For wrongly withholding his check

No doubt about it, Salvador was capable of extreme violence

I couldn’t believe the way he went off on Bob that time

Sure Bob was being a belligerent drunk
And wouldn’t hand back Sal’s tequila bottle-
But to keep pounding away on an old guy
Who’s just sitting there dazed and bleeding-

Fortunately I had the balls
To stand up and put an end to it

I was surprised that he even listened to me.
I was more expecting that he’d come after me next

Knowing all along about his temper,
I took pains to ensure that he wouldn’t view me as an easy target

I told him strait up that I was a werewolf, and he believed me
And why wouldn’t he have, for after all he was a vampire

He had explained to all of us
Of how once long ago he had been seduced by this wild woman
Who had warned him that he was a vampire

In the heat of his passion he ignored her warning
Or didn’t take it seriously enough
And so he ended up being bitten, or should I say smitten

Sal must have had premonitions about his fate
For he spoke often about prison

I’m not sure if I believe him
But he claimed to have escaped from Hillcrest (the juvenile detention center)
And that he swam clear across the reservoir
Before being apprehended

I joked that there should be a voluntary prison called Neanderthal Park
Where people who feel they owe a debt to society
Can be tended to by liberal jail keepers in a zoological setting

It wouldn’t exactly be family orientated
But it would at times be entertaining

Just so long as the “prisoners” were kicked down some serious drugs
They’d be expected to put on a show.

There’d be gladiatorial contests
But mostly we’d come closer to answering that burning question
Of whether or not a man and an antelope
Really could in fact elope

With all kidding aside,
I really do think that everyone should serve at least two days in jail
For every five years they are alive

I’ve yet to meet someone who hasn’t jaywalked or speeded
Cheated on their taxes, or else committed some other petty crime

I’m sure that if everyone knew how boring even a single day in prison can be
They’d be likely to pass slightly more lenient sentences

My bleeding-heartedness only went so far with Sal though,
I had no intention of ending up his next victim

To that end, I tried to convince him by my actions
That I’d be able to hold my own, if we were ever to tousle with each other

A couple of times, when I was sufficiently drunk so that I’d be feeling no pain
I went off on a telephone pole, sparing against it
As if I were in a gym and had boxing gloves on.
I’d be bleeding, but it felt good to be getting my aggressions out
And it also served as a warning to Sal

I know I got his attention when I explained how if I were in a fight
I’d allow demons to enter into me.
They may be my spiritual enemies
But there are times when demonic possession can be a blessing

I can’t say though, that I’ve never experienced a good time with Salvador.
We both got a kick out of those mysterious footprints that we found.
They most definitely were not human,
Nor were they made by any creature that either of us knew of

They most closely resembled raptor footprints.
Whatever it was, it was large and was sprinting

It really was quite frightening
That such beasts could come out in the dead of night unseen

On one such night, Sal must have been high on crystal meth
For he was quite animalistic and was looking to play around
With the “wolfman” as my homies affectionally called me

His party ended for good though when he viciously beat Kenny to death

The last time I saw him
I asked him what was wrong, why he was so down.
“I could just kill someone, I don’t care who, just anyone”
Were the last words I heard him say

Fortunately for me I never fell that far
But I was driven to attempt suicide a couple of times

The method of my madness was to take about fifteen sleeping pills
And then down them with shots of whiskey

The first time I tried that, I was in my van
And I’m amazed that the police weren’t called
Because when I came to, I was outside and was terrified

I’m not sure if I was hallucinating, or if the demons were really there
But they seemed to be all about me, shadowy figures moving in the mist

I tried to get back in the van but it was locked
And I kept fumbling with the wrong key

I got so frustrated that I started crying, and not quietly but a loud, pathetic wail
 
When I looked over, I saw two humans observing me,
Neighbors who I had awoken.
I still can’t believe they never called the cops      

The second time I attempted suicide
I was camped out at Fort Mason in SF
Where for three days, I was writing out my suicide note

I wanted to explain to my son
That he’d have to think of me the same way that Luke
Had to deal with the “death” of Obi-Wan

In a way, we’d be closer
For hopefully my spirit would be able to travel to Japan
As I was no longer able to do in my life

I’d be watching over him almost all the time

I couldn’t care less if you think I was selfish
For only I know the demons which I had to deal with

In my condition, the Golden Gate bridge seemed a gateway to the other side

I called her Ruby Tuesday and considered her to be a living entity

Believe me, I’m not the first who looked at her that way
And lets not forget that there are workers buried inside of her

I thought back to my trips over the bridge
Back when I was still a boy,
Of how the cables, as you’re driving towards the red towers
Appear to be outstretched welcoming arms

In the end though, I chose not to jump
But to try my potent mixture again

I overdosed on the same day
That Terrell Owens of the 49ers hauled down
That late Jeff Garcia pass which beat the Packers in the playoffs

The Catch, part 2- they called it.
That was the day I tried to die.

The only problem was that my stomach rejected the toxins
And I puked them all up

So much for easy exits (although I must say
That my life improved a little bit after that)

I have to credit “The Great Entertainer” pool hall
On El Camino and Twentieth Avenue in San Mateo

That was the place where I was able, at least temporarily
To get away from all my troubles

They had a Jr. Pac-man game which I’d play endlessly.
It’s a far better game than both Pac-man and Mrs. Pac-man put together

The screen was huge and it had seven distinct levels
Though you had to be a real pro to get past the fifth one

I’d come in smashed off my *ss
And play the game while listening to music
For they had a well stocked juke box with a hundred CD’s in it

Often I’d get carried away and start dancing
Which admittedly was out of place in a pool hall

The workers put up with me for a long time though,
In fact they even let me work there
Usually for free credits in the music machine

I caught some flack for playing the Beatles so much
But how could I be blamed, for they had not only Sgt Peppers
But also Magical Mystery Tour and Abbey Road

They also had Ozzy’s classic Diary of a Madman
And I’d play side two often, starting with the beautiful, melancholic “Tonight”
Then S.A.T.O., that amazing guitar solo leading up to the title track

It’s a shame that I eventually wore out my welcome there
For I miss the place quite a bit

A friend of mine also treated me to a pair of great concerts back then

First we went to see Ronnie James Dio, which started out as a drag
For I drank too much and was feeling sluggish

I lucked out though when I finally worked my way into the crowd
For low and behold what appeared to be the only joint
Being fired up in the whole place
Was being smoked by these guys right beside me

I was in need of a wake-up and so I asked them if I could boge a hit.
Instead they let me finish off half the joint

It woke me up right away and after that I was ready to rock

I had a chance to repay those guys for their generosity
For a drunken imbecile soon started messing with them
Pushing and shoving them most rudely

I took him aside and flung him up against the wall.
That at least sobered him up

The only problem was that the security was all over me.
Fortunately I was able to make my way back to my friends
Who explained that I wasn’t the one who had started the fight

I didn’t break out dancing until “A Rainbow in the Dark”.
I wasn’t looking towards the stage but my friend told me later
That Dio got a kick out of it

I had an even better time when I was treated to a Scorpions show

I had been wary at first
Because they were playing with an orchestra behind them
And I wasn’t sure how that would turn out

They were great however,
And the band and the orchestra really complemented each other

What really made the concert for me however
Were the drugs which I did in the parking lot

Night Ranger was the band opening up
And though I highly respect Brad Gillis
My friend had no desire to see them
So we kicked back in the car instead

Meanwhile, the guys in the car next to us were doing lines of cocaine.
Now I hadn’t done coke for the better part of a decade
But as I was about to see a show, I figured I’d go for it.

The only problem was that their coke was really strong,
It hadn’t been cut all that much

Not only that, but the line which they offered me was huge.
It was the equivalent of four medium-sized lines
And so I was instantly wired

Needless to say, I was dancing quite a bit at that Cow Palace show.
At one point I even did a flip.
I landed square on my back but didn’t feel a thing
And got right back up dancing

If you were at the show, you might have seen me.
I was the one trying to start a riot
By shouting slogans such as “Freedom” and “Braveheart” at the crowd

I’m amazed that I wasn’t arrested
For it must have been obvious that I was on hard drugs

My friends explained to me later
That even the cops were impressed with my dancing
And that’s why they allowed me to continue

They even cordoned off a circle for me
So that I wouldn’t bump into anyone else

The problem was that the coke started to wear off
About the same time that the concert ended
And as the crowd filed into the parking lot
Guys were hooting and hollering at me
Just as I had been doing earlier

I gotta admit, that fearing violence, I ran back to the car
With my tail between my legs, my earlier bravado greatly diminished

It was a very rare occasion when I did hard drugs however
Even the police will testify to that
For I started having a lot of run-ins with the authorities

My life was just a total bore
When I wasn’t getting drunk and running around causing mayhem

Not a few times I got busted for dancing.
I mean sure I was drunk,
But if I had just been walking down the street
Nobody would even have noticed

Mostly though, when I woke up in jail or in the mental hospital
It was for breaking a bottle open on my forehead or headbutting
An inanimate object

One time when I woke up and looked in the mirror
I didn’t have stitches holding together the gash on my head
But these metal staples which made me look a little bit like Frankenstein

Breaking bottles open over my head
Wasn’t the best way to deal with my demons
But then there isn’t one

All you can do is pray to the Lord for deliverance
And back then we were barely on speaking terms

My madness back then ran pretty deep

One time I attacked a moving car on the El Camino

It was all by itself
So there wasn’t all that much danger of an accident
So I just plowed into it

I realize that such behavior is outrageous
But it sure felt good.
It reminded me of the days when I still played football

When the police came, I tried to run
Which was foolish because I didn’t get very far.
But after I was caught, I was friendly enough.

One of the officers was a black man
And I recited my Kunta Kinte poem to him

Another time I was drinking whiskey in my car
(though I wasn’t driving- I had been living in the parking lot)
When these two homeless guys-
Pedro and Mike, came walking by, asking for change

I gave them a dollar or so, but later as I went to 7-11 to buy a coffee
They took offense to my drunken demeanor
And brought me to task for it

I explained how I hadn’t meant anything by the way I had stomped by them
And even gave Pedro a couple of free shots at my face.
I figured why not- I was drunk, and so I likely wouldn’t feel a thing

The police were called though,
And because I had prior run-ins with them
I was the one who was taken to jail
Even though I hadn’t thrown a punch

Another time when I was taken to jail
I was upset that I hadn’t been taken to the hospital instead
And voiced my frustration by banging my head against the concrete floor

It hurts me now just to think of how hard I had banged my head
But at least it didn’t go on for long
For in no time the deputies were all over me
And had me in a strait jacket

I wrote it down as another day in purgatory

The same with the time when I had been brought to the hospital
For banging my head against a tree

While I was there, I was howling like a werewolf
-That is until they strapped my arms down

They had me strapped like that for almost an hour
During which time I couldn’t help but meditate about the crucifixion

Then again there was the time when I tried to take the bus to Sacramento

I never made it that far because in the bathroom
I banged a beer bottle against my head real hard
As I let out a primal shriek

Way up in the front, the driver heard it and pulled over
And I ended up getting kicked off in the middle of nowhere

I was in the convenience store buying more beer
When a highway patrol officer came in
And she was mightily pissed off

When she asked me where I got the bloody forehead
I made up some cock and bull story
About how I had been hitchhiking
And how I had gotten into a fight with the guy who had picked me up

I don’t know why I had said such a thing
Because it was far more incriminating than the simple truth

Amazingly though, she not only didn’t arrest me
But she didn’t even ask for my ID!!

It didn’t appear that my good fortune was going to last for long however
Because I was still far from home
And with the bloody cuts on my head
I was doubtful that anybody would give me a ride

Miraculously though, not five minutes after I started hitchhiking
A Muslim taxi driver offered to give me a ride all the way back to SF.
He wouldn’t even take my money
When I offered him ten dollars for the trip.
Talk about a good Samaritan!!

Though I spent a miserable night in the fog
I was able to make it out to my friend’s place in Sacramento
On the following day, this time without incident

Although I was incapable of holding down a job
Back in those wild and evil days
I tried to use the scars on my forehead to my advantage when I panhandled

I’d actually scratch away at my wounds to make them bloodier.
It was a catch-22 because while some people were sympathetic
Other people would complain to the store managers
And I’d get kicked out of many spots real quickly

I wasn’t the only one who was banging my head against the trees
For once, when I was camped out by the college
I awoke from a nightmare in which I was being attacked by a demonic creature
To a real-life threat-
A deer not twenty feet away, charging at top speed into an oak tree
As if to warn me that I had encroached upon his turf

I felt bad for him and made sure not to camp out in that spot again

Once, when I was being arrested
The officer tried to get under my skin
“Are you gay? Do you s*ck d*cks? He asked

Without even thinking, I shot back “No, I f*ck the deer”
The funny thing is, he believed it possible

Doe, a deer,
I danced with the deer
-And wasn’t that queer?

I f*cked like a buck

What’s the matter,
You can’t cope
That a man and an Antelope eloped?

We even produced some offspring!

Another time, when an officer was going through my backpack
He came across a “Beauty and the Beast” book.
“Which one are you?” He asked, trying to annoy me

I had to admit that that was pretty funny. I even laughed myself

Eventually the madness had to end
But the last time I was busted was the most sensational
For it was written up in the San Mateo Times
In late October of 2001

Although I substituted a different name for myself
This is otherwise how the article read

MAN IN DRESS ARRESTED AFTER COP CLUBBED WITH FLAGPOLE

BURLINGAME- A drunken man wearing a tattered dress was arrested Tuesday after clubbing a police officer over the head with a four-foot long
Flagpole, bringing traffic to a halt and leading police on a wild chase in and
Out of cars on El Camino Real, police said.

According to Burlingame officers, at about 5:25 pm, A Frightened (M)antelope
A 36 year old writer, was running through traffic on El Camino Real
And Howard Avenue screaming obscenities and waving a flagpole
Which police said he stole from Burlingame Drug earlier that day.

Safeway store employees called the police who then tried to calm Mr Antelope
And get him out of the road.

“Traffic was backed up like you wouldn’t believe- I was on my own and
screaming for cover.”, said Officer Kevin Collopy. “I was trying to calm him down but everything I said seemed to agitate him more.”

When Mr. Antelope didn’t respond, Collopy said he chased him through
The traffic for about five minutes. Mr. Antelope then darted across El Camino
Again, grabbed the flagpole which was resting against a bus stop and
Charged at Collopy, hitting him over the head, Collopy said.

“He was extremely violent, screaming stuff I couldn’t comprehend- like he
was from another planet.” Collopy said. “I was more frightened that one of us
was going to get run over, because people kept screeching on their brakes.”

Six police officers and firefighters charged Mr. Antelope and tackled him in the middle of El Camino Real. They dragged him off the street and arrested him
Police said.

Mr. Antelope, who police said had a blood-alcohol level twice the legal limit,
Was taken to San Mateo County Hospital.

He was later booked into the San Mateo County Jail.

Collopy was treated for a lump on his head and a sprained finger.

The newspaper article smacked of sensationalism
And carried with it some exaggerations.
 
For starters, I wasn’t wearing a dress.
I had one with me
But I merely had it tucked into the front of my pants.
I wasn’t wearing it in the traditional sense.
(I had planned on wearing it later
When I was out in the woods alone)

I had begun the day in Boringlame
Where I had been trying to peddle my poetry.
That didn’t last long though, for I was soon disillusioned

What I can’t understand is why people go to such lengths
To acquire wealth for their children
When all too often it only leads to their children becoming spoiled rotten

I realize this doesn’t happen all the time
And there are plenty of young, rich kids who turn out just fine
But on this particular day
The young kids on the avenue were staring at me
As if I were from another planet
-Like they’d never even seen a street person before

I could only take so much of that
Before I had to let loose the beast

This was only a month and a half after 9-11
And there were American flags all over the place.
I snagged one of them and made my way towards San Mateo
Where I spent an adventurous day

I gotta admit that as I made my way
Back to my old hometown that evening
I was looking for a showdown

I had missed my old revolutionary cause for far too long
But there were other issues; namely that I wanted payback
For all the injustices I felt I had been subject to in the 1980’s
When the B-town boys tried to run me out of town

At least my patriotism was real enough.
I’d be more than willing to fight for Uncle  Sam
But he’s got to respect me for who I am

As for the fight itself, I don’t remember it.
I blacked out as soon as I started running
And didn’t come to, until I was on the ground, surrounded by the cops.

When I first arrived at the jail
I was given a red jump-suit and was housed with the violent felons.
After three days though, when my case was reviewed
I was admitted into the general population

I ended up serving two months that time
Which sobered me up quite a bit

Once I got out, I went strait into a program
Which lasted about a month before I got busted for drinking
And got kicked out

My van had been towed away
Because I hadn’t been able to get it re-registered
So I was living in the hatchback instead

It was stressful because anyone walking by
Could see me crashed out in it.

The car wouldn’t pass a smog test, so I couldn’t re-register it either
Yet this turned out to be a blessing

When it got towed away
All I could do was gather what belongings I could carry
And head out, looking for a new home

Fortunately though, I found an abandoned building just a few blocks away
Which was actually more of a stable home for me

Having a roof over my head did wonders
And I was able to cut way down on my drinking

I didn’t have much of a choice
Because my insides were so messed up
That I was puking all the time

I re-entered the program which I told you about
Though this time not as a resident,
And began taking medication for the voices in my head

Although some of the people in the program had serious mental disorders
I felt right at home.
Maybe that’s because I’m more than a little crazy myself.

One of my new friends was a guy named John.
He came down with a case of apocalyptic fever
Which hit him pretty hard

He fasted often and went on many long journeys

At one point he drove clear across the country on almost no money
And had to hitchhike a large part of the way home

Once, while meditating on the Garden of Eden, in the east bay hills
He stripped completely naked and was apprehended
As he attempted to walk down a residential street unclothed

I’m not sure if it was a coincidence
Or whether the medication really helped
But Jesus really lightened up on me

I guess he figured I had suffered enough
For he exorcised me of most of my demons

Things began to go right for me again.
Christ once again became a friend

Another thing which helped me
Were these creative fantasies which I began having

I’d imagine myself dancing up a storm up at the college
Only I’d have a jet pack stripped to my back
So that I could fly around as well

I’d be appropriately attired,
Wearing a deer’s head, angels wings, but also a devil’s tail

These fantasies were a bit outlandish, even absurd
But they were entertaining
And by curing my boredom,
They helped to keep me out of trouble

I landed a job at the Shoreline Amphitheater
Where I was able to see some great shows

I had mixed feelings about it
Because even though I was greatful that they hired me
A part of me wishes that they wouldn’t employ quite as many people
So that the exorbitant cost of concerts could be lowered

In any case I didn’t have to pay to see ZZ Top,
DIO, The White Stripes, and best of all Iron Maiden and Aerosmith

Although Hiroko, my ex-wife
Had had her doubts about me
Back when I was running around causing mayhem
She was glad to see that I was doing better
And flew our son out quite a few times to see me

My son takes after me in the respect that he enjoys games of strategy
And we enjoy many games of Chess, Stratego, All The King’s Men,
Lionheart, Mastermind and Axis and Allies-Risk.

We also tried solving logic problems
Like those in Martin Gardner’s awesome game
“Visual Brainstorms”

I’ll be curious to see whether he becomes a Buddist, a Christian
Or neither when he grows up

He’s almost a teenager now, which is a scary thought.
I’d better start amounting to something soon
Or else he’ll lose faith in me

The thing which I’d most like to do is to see the story made into a movie

To that end, I’ve been writing a script.
The film would be called Daniel and Diana
And it would be about a small group of headbangers
And the problems they face while growing up
On the San Francisco peninsula in the eighties

I also thought up a good storyline for a tale
Which takes place in a fictional 19th century

In my story, the Chinese have colonized much of Western America
Even up to the Mississippi River, where they have fought battles
Against the Americans, as both sides covet the all-important waterway

In actual history, warfare changed once grooved rifles were invented
Which were far more accurate than muskets

Suddenly a defender hiding behind a tree or in a trench
Had a great advantage against an attacker advancing over open ground

Few of our Civil War generals noticed this shift
And even fifty years later there were generals in the first world war
Who ordered idiotic and insane charges against machine guns
Which mowed men down like a scythe

Anyhow, in my story, the American generals, by and large
Fail to modernize their tactics to keep pace with advances in weaponry
And as a result, time and again they send their men into slaughters

Near the end of one indecisive war between the Chinese Americans
Who we’ll call the Chin
And the Americans of European descent or “Yankees”
A group of Yankee soldiers mutiny and a civil war breaks out
Between those who are in favor of continuing the war
And those who are sick and tired of it’s futility and want it brought to an end

The mutineers state that they’re willing to defend Columbia
(as the Yankee nation is called)
Against the Chin, but are unwilling to take part in any offensive operations
On the western or foreign side of the Mississippi

One of the mutineers comes upon the idea
Of sending a small strike force far to the north,
Then far to the west before turning south
So as to strike the Chin from the rear

Once in the Chin heartland, which the irrigated great plains have become
They are to conduct a scorched earth campaign
So as to rob the enemy of much foodstuff
And to distract soldiers away from the front

The war comes to an end before the radical attack plan can be implemented
But the idea is kept alive by some of the mutineers
Who, because they love their country
Yet distrust their nation’s leadership, have formed a militia

A generation later, when another bloody war breaks out
Between the Yankees and the Chin
The militia flees the wrath of a regular army general
Who plans on using the conscription laws to dissolve the militia
By stripping away all the men of draftable age

The militia succeeds in escaping this tyrant
But then must deal with the travails of the long northern journey

Fortunately they are befriended by a Native American tribe
Who help them survive the winter

Eventually they reach their jumping off point far in the enemy’s rear
And, riding swiftly, they destroy all the crops they can
Leaving only scant resources for the Chin farmers to survive on

Their destructive raid causes great harm to the enemy
But as Chin resistance stiffens and the Yankee casualties rise
They eventually break it off
And try to make it back to Columbia, their homeland

The irony is that instead of being welcomed as conquering heroes
They are arrested, mostly for draft evasion as well as other trumped up charges
And their leaders are executed

I don’t believe that I’ll ever have a chance to finish writing this story
So it’s up for grabs if any authors out there wish to take a stab at it

I’d be happy if two or even three different authors were up for the challenge
All I ask for is fifteen percent of the net profit

(I have some old debts to pay off
Mostly to the mental health authorities)

Aside from that, I wish to organize board game conventions
For lovers of games of strategy

Admittedly, most of the games would be wargames
But not all of them, there’d also be games such as “Civilization”
Which takes players through different time periods
Such as the Greek and Roman eras

As a ruler of a kingdom, you have to concern yourself
With such things as farming and trade as well as fighting wars

And how about that awesome football game “Paydirt”
Which came out in the 1970’s

As a coach, you try to call the right play
One which stands the best chance of success

Dave, a good friend of mine, made up his own football game
Which was somewhat similar.
I’ve got to hand it to him, he put a lot of work into it
And it showed in the finished product

Dave, Joe and I, along with two other guys
Had a football league one year, using Dave’s game

We each had two teams and it was a nine game season

Although my Dolphins team didn’t do too well
My Raider team made the playoffs before losing to Joe’s Browns

What made the season exciting was that most of my Raider games were close
And went down to the wire

I miss playing with Joe and Dave;
We used to play Axis and Allies all the time

I remember starting a game with Dave at 10am
And twelve hours later we were still deadlocked

That’s not to say that it was a boring game
On the contrary, it just meant that as opponents we were evenly matched

We also played Fortress America.
It’s fictionalized attack on our country was a bit fanciful
As it featured simultaneous attacks
From Central American, European and Asian forces (presumably communist)

The game plays very well though.

Although initially outnumbered three to one
The Americans gain advantages as time passes
Most notably powerful lasers and partisan(or guerrilla)forces
Which spring up in the enemy’s rear

Playing the game conjured up images from the movie “Red Dawn”
And was a lot of fun

Unfortunately, both Joe and Dave have long since moved away
And I know of few other gamers who are nearby

Even when I’ve gone out and bought a game
I’d usually just end up playing solitaire
Because I couldn’t find anyone else who was interested

I really hope that can change because not only are games of strategy
A lot of fun, but you can learn from playing them as well

A lot of research goes into the making of some of these games
And many wargame designers are just as knowledgeable
As historians or military men

I would want the gaming conventions to be a learning experience

Have you ever heard of a Civil War Roundtable?
It’s a gathering of people who are history buffs
To share knowledge and information with each other

That’s what I would want the conventions to be-
A round table for history buffs and strategy game players

With all due respect for the game “Magic” which I’d like to learn someday
And to role-playing games such as “Dungeons and Dragons”,
I’d prefer it if the games concerned historical events which actually occurred

At the same time, I’m hoping that I can find others
Who can help me to organize historical re-enactments
For the American Revolutionary War era

The main problems I see
Would be acquiring land where horses could be ridden
And acquiring uniforms without paying through the nose

There are many different time periods
In our nation’s rich history
Which are worthy of being recreated

The turn of the century,
Not the one which just occurred, but the one before it
Was a dynastic time of change
Largely because of all the new inventions which hit the market

The motor car, the bicycle and the first airplanes
Were all invented in roughly the same time period

There were some incredible rags to riches stories
But at the same time it’s only fair to remember
That a state of almost wage slavery existed in the northern states
In the years before and after the civil war

I’ve heard it estimated that in the thirty years which followed that war
There were 30,000 social disturbances, including riots and marches
All related to people protesting the way they were treated like oxen
In the workplace

It really pisses me off that this country could easily have become communist
Just as Russia did
Thanks to the excessive greed of the capitalists at that time

Fortunately today we have a Capitalist-Socialist society
Which is probably the best type of economic system available

Something most of us would agree on
Is that our ancestors deserve a great deal of respect and remembrance
For  the way in which they carved a life for themselves
Out of the wilderness

When I drive back from Reno on highway 80
I can hardly imagine how the settlers
Made their way over and through the mountains,
Much less across the entire western half of the country

I hope I’m not the only one
Who feels a need to come together and celebrate such feats.
A couple of times a year we could have a U.S. History festival
 
People would be encouraged to wear period costumes
And instructors would be invited to give lectures

To cap off the evenings, there could be ballroom dancing
Though perhaps of a more modern style
And to music from Journey, ELO and Aerosmith

As far as slavery is concerned,
I happen to believe that reparations are very much in order
Though I don’t believe it should be forced on anyone

I know that if I ever strike it rich, 
I would give plenty of money
To  the impoverished people of Haiti
Who are still suffering from slavery’s legacy

Although it might ignite a shouting match,
I’d be willing to debate the controversial decisions made during the cold war

Even though his was a socialist government,
I believe that Daniel Ortega meant well and did the best that he could
For the people of Nicaragua
Especially since his nation was constantly at war for it’s survival

A couple of movies which present similar points of view are
“Under Fire” with Nick Nolte and “Salvador” with Jim Belushi

Unfortunately I’d even have a hard time debating Rush Limbaugh.
Though he debates with half his brain tied behind his back,
More than half of my brain is splattered back there on the highway

I believe what destroyed most of my brain cells
Wasn’t the marijuana or the mushrooms
But rather the way I drowned myself with alcohol

Obviously, suffering concussions and blacking out
From smashing bottles against my head didn’t help much either

Considering the personal hell that I was going through back then
I’m not surprised that I behaved in such a moronic manner

If there’s a lesson which I learned it involves pornography
And masturbation and the way in which the Lord tends to frown
Upon such activities and punish those who engage in them

It certainly made a mess out of my life.

Anyhow, I’d be interested in debating the merits of the cold war.
While we can all thank Ronald Reagan for his role in bringing it to an end
We still ought to admit that many costly mistakes were made
And not just in Vietnam

The CIA inspired coups in Guatemala, Iran,
Vietnam, Guyana, Brazil and Chile.
Nobody would be able to convince me that they were all necessary.
The coup which toppled Chile’s leader Allende from power
Was nothing less than criminal

I once had a deck of  “America’s Famous Dictator cards”
Which showcased some of the crimes which our allies committed.
They would inspire laughter if it were not for the fact
That these outrages were very real

As far as changing the world is concerned,
I’m not as idealistic as I used to be,
But I do believe that by saying the Rosary,
One can help to placate Jesus and help to ward off his wrath

Call me a fool if you want to
But, at least to me, those mountains carved in ice don’t lie

What gets to me though, is that Jesus at least appears
To be different to me every day

Some days I’ll be on my knees, praying my heart out
And get no response at all

Other days, he’ll bless me for hardly doing anything

It’s more than enough to test my faith

Anyhow, that’s about it for my story
At least for now, as I’m unable to predict the future

I thought I’d leave you with some book and movie reviews though

Shinju, written by Mary Jo Roland
Is a very good murder mystery which is set in Edo(Tokyo) in the 1500’s

Excalibur, co-written by Gil Kane and John Jakes
Is an adventurous novel dealing with the legends
Surrounding King Arthur and his knights

John Jakes also wrote the bi-centennial series of books which deal with American history starting with “The Bastard” and continuing with
“The Rebels”, “The Seekers”, “The Furies”, etc.

All told, the series is far too slow and soap-operish for my tastes

That being said, “The Rebels” starts out well and there’s a good depiction
Of a slave revolt before the story slows to a crawl

The next book in the series, “The Seekers” is more interesting
And deals with an idealistic couple who dare to leave the east coast
And challenge the frontier
Which in those days consisted of the Appalachian mts.

“A Place Called Freedom” by Ken Folliet
Also concerns a young couple who journey to the frontier

A much better book by the same author is “The Key to Rebecca”
Which concerns a German spy in Cairo during world war two
And the British officer who’s trying to hunt him down

“The Killer Angels” by Michael Sharra
Offers a quite impressive depiction of the battle of Gettysburg
 
Michael’s son, Jeff Sharra, is also a novelist who writes about American History

As I mentioned before, Red Army, written by Ralph Peters gives an excellent
Portrayal  of what a third world war in Europe might have been like.
I suggest that you skip or at least skim through the first two chapters though,
As they are very slow

As far as non-fiction is concerned, “1066, the year of the conquest” gives
A great depiction of the Norman conquest

“The Man who Moved a Mountain” is an inspirational true story
About a preacher who ministers to people in the Appalachians
During the prohibition era

Another great book, though it may be hard to find
Is “Flyaway” by Desmond Bagley.
The first couple of chapters are very boring but the story picks up
And is very adventurous

Written mostly with young adults in mind, “The White Mountains”
Is a great adventure story about three boys who attempt
To travel from England to Switzerland
In a world governed by aliens who have conquered mankind

It has two sequels, “The City of Gold and Lead” which is quite good
And “The Pool of Fire” which is the weakest of the three

Another story which deals with an alien race which has conquered mankind
Is the movie “Dark City”

These aliens have conquered us, but rather than wiping us out,
They instead want to learn from us

What they want most of all is to learn about the soul
Since they themselves don’t have one, but wish that they did

The film has almost non-stop action, but it is well written
And intellectually stimulating

Of course, few science fiction stories can compare to “Aliens”
The second installment in the series

I wish what the movie studio would do is burn all the copies of “Alien 3”
Which was a complete joke, and start the series all over again
With a new movie where the Aliens invade the earth

It’s too bad that Arnold Swartzenager is governor now,
Because otherwise he’d be perfect for the lead role

I can easily picture it, he’d be all- “Get away from her you bitch-
Or else I’ll be back!!”

One of the greatest movies ever made, in my opinion
Is the six hour classic “Jesus of Nazareth”
It’s certainly one of the most important movies, in any case
Though it starts out slowly, the scenes relating to Christmas are awesome
The movie really intensifies when Jesus makes his final visit to Jerusalem

Gandhi is another great movie which deals with spiritual issues

On another note, “Heavy Metal” is an awesome animated classic
As is “Light Years” which featured Issac Asimov as the scriptwriter

As far as board games are concerned
Axis and Allies is awesome as are it’s sequels

 “Axis and Allies Pacific” is a great game,
Almost as good as the original,
But the U.S. is way too powerful.
If you want a balanced game, you have to weaken the U.S. considerably

“Axis and Allies Europe” is also very good
But I suggest that you allow Germany to buy at least a few submarines
At half price in the early rounds.

This would not only be historically accurate
But would give the German player an even chance at winning.

Like I already mentioned, “War at Sea” and “1776” are great Avalon Hill games, as is the solitaire game “Ambush”. These games are more advanced
However and require more time to learn the rules.

Matchplay, at the San Antonio Shopping Center in Mountain View
Allows gamers to borrow a table for just a couple of dollars a night
Which is quite a good deal if you and your friends
Want to go for a strategy game

As far as historical reenactments are concerned,
There’s a Civil War reenactment every year
At Ardenwood Park in Fremont

Roaring Camp Railroads in Felton, just north of Santa Cruz
Often sponsors cultural events

And there’s also the Renaissance Fair at Casa de Fruita
Maybe I’ll see you there.

Just one more thing which I’d like to leave you with;

I realize that Catholicism is under fire nowadays
Largely because of all the sexual abuse scandals

And the history of the expansion of the Catholic church
Is, far too often, one of exploitation and cruelty
Not only in the Americas, but in Medieval Europe before that

I don’t agree with everything that Catholics believe in.
That being said,
I truly do appreciate the ritual of the mass.
It’s a poetic masterpiece which honors the sacrifice
Which The Lord endured for us
Upon the cross

It goes something like this;

In the name of the Father, and of the Son
And of the Holy Spirit

     Amen

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ
And the love of God
And the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all

     And also with you

My brothers and sisters,
To prepare ourselves to celebrate the sacred mysteries,
Let us call to mind our sins.

     I confess to almighty God,
     and to you, my brothers and sisters,
     that I have sinned through my own fault
     in my thoughts and in my words,
     in what I have done,
     and in what I have failed to do;
     and I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin,
     all the angels and saints,
     and you, my brothers and sisters,
     to pray for me to the Lord our God.

May almighty God have mercy on us,
Forgive us our sins,
And bring us to everlasting life.

     Amen.

Lord, have mercy

Christ have mercy

Lord, have mercy

Glory to God in the highest,
And peace to his people on earth.

Lord God, heavenly King,
Almighty God and Father,
We worship you, we give you thanks,
We praise you for your glory.

Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father,
Lord God, Lamb of God,
You take away the sin of the world:
Have mercy on us;
You are seated at the right hand of the Father:
Receive our prayer.

For you alone are the Holy One,
You alone are the Lord,
You alone are the Most High,
Jesus Christ,
With the Holy Spirit,
In the glory of God the Father. Amen.

There is usually a reading of the Gospel here.
I usually skip it and walk outside and wait for it to be over

It’s usually quite boring for me, these sermons
But I make sure to come right back inside the church
One the ritual of the mass is continued

We believe in one God,
The Father, the Almighty,
Maker of heaven and earth,
Of all that is seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
The only Son of God,
Eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
True God from true God,
Begotten, not made, one in being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation
He came down from heaven:
By the power of the Holy Spirit
He was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
He suffered, died, and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
In fulfillment of the scriptures;
He ascended into heaven
And is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
And his Kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
Who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy Catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
And the life of the world to come. Amen.

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation.
Through your goodness we have this bread to offer,
Which earth has given and human hands have made.
It will become for us the bread of life.

       Blessed be God for ever.

By the mystery of this water and wine may we come
To share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled himself
To share in our humanity.

Blessed are you, Lord, God all creation.
Through your goodness we have this wine to offer,
Fruit of the vine and work of human hands.
It will become our spiritual drink.

       Blessed be God forever.

Lord God, we ask you to receive us and be pleased with the sacrifice we offer you with humble and contrite hearts.

       Lord, wash away my iniquity: cleanse me from my sin.

Pray, brethren, that our sacrifice
May be acceptable to God, the almighty Father.

       May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands
       For the praise and glory of his name,
       For our good, and the good of all his Church.

The Lord be with you

       And also with you

Lift up your hearts

       We lift them up to the Lord

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God

        It is right to give them thanks and praise

Father, all-powerful and ever-living God,
We do well always and everywhere to give you thanks.

So great was your love
That you gave us your Son as our redeemer.
You sent him as one like ourselves,
Though free from sin,
That you might see and love in us
What you see and love in Christ.

Your gifts of grace, lost by disobedience,
Are now restored by the obedience of your Son.

We praise you, Lord, with all the angels and saints
In their unending hymn of joy

       Holy, holy, holy Lord
       God of power and might
       Heaven and Earth are full of your glory
       Hosanna in the highest.
        Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord
        Hosanna in the highest.

Lord, you are holy indeed,
The fountain of all holiness.
Let your spirit come upon these gifts and make them holy,
So that they may become for us
The body and blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Before he was given up to death,
A death he freely accepted,
He took bread and gave you thanks.
He broke the bread
And giving it to his disciples, he said;
Take this all of you and eat it
For this is my body which shall be given up for you.

When supper was ended he took the cup.
Again he gave you thanks and praise,
Gave the cup to his disciples and said
Take this all of you and drink from it
This is the cup of my blood
The blood of the new and everlasting covenant

It will be shed for all of you
So that sins may be forgiven.
Do this in memory of me.

Let us proclaim the mystery of faith;

        Christ has died,
        Christ is risen
        Christ will come again

         Dying, you destroyed our death,
         Rising you restored our life
         Lord Jesus, come in glory.

         When we eat this bread and drink this cup,
         We proclaim your death, Lord Jesus,
         Until you come in glory.

         Lord, by your cross and resurrection
         You have set us free.
         You are the Savior of the world.

         Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world;
         Have mercy on us.

         Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world;
         Have mercy on us.

         Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world;
         Grant us peace.

This is the Lamb of God
Who takes away the sins of the world.
Happy are those who are called to his supper.

        Lord, I am not worthy to receive you,
        But only say the word and I shall be healed.

May the body of Christ bring me to everlasting life.

May the blood of Christ bring me to everlasting life.

The Lord be with you.

        And also with you.

May almighty God bless you,
The Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

        Amen.

The mass has ended, go in peace
To love and serve the Lord.

         Thanks be to God.